for Untitled As of Now3/29/2012 c1 heyitsstupidme
poor guy :(
i think i would like to read more of this story you're a good story writer i think you can catch people with your writing style. and i think poor boy deserves a happy end
poor guy :(
i think i would like to read more of this story you're a good story writer i think you can catch people with your writing style. and i think poor boy deserves a happy end
3/10/2006 c1 
19Aikida
Oh my goodness, sadness. This a strong piece (grammatically frustrating, but good). The emotions are tangible and the tension at the end is strong. I hope this turns into a bit of a longer piece. I'll be checking back =^.^=
19AikidaOh my goodness, sadness. This a strong piece (grammatically frustrating, but good). The emotions are tangible and the tension at the end is strong. I hope this turns into a bit of a longer piece. I'll be checking back =^.^=
6/16/2004 c1 16Lady Surreal
Wow, that was very good. I liked it a lot. You need to keep writing this one, I look forward to reading more.
The only thing I can say is that you might want to re-read your stuff, there were a few mistakes but not a whole bunch of them.
But like I said, very good and keep writing. ^_^
16Lady SurrealWow, that was very good. I liked it a lot. You need to keep writing this one, I look forward to reading more.
The only thing I can say is that you might want to re-read your stuff, there were a few mistakes but not a whole bunch of them.
But like I said, very good and keep writing. ^_^
5/24/2004 c1 5Writer Saa
Wow. You're an awesome writer; I could 'see' this, and it made me feel bad. Which, not to be confusing, is a good thing. Heh. You've got talent; I hope that there's more to this story. ^^
5Writer SaaWow. You're an awesome writer; I could 'see' this, and it made me feel bad. Which, not to be confusing, is a good thing. Heh. You've got talent; I hope that there's more to this story. ^^
10/6/2003 c1 7AethraZip
Aww.. *cries*
I do find it strange that a bunch of guys who like to rape other guys just happen to be travelling together, but it's a staple in gay fiction, really, so I won't say it's bad. The story overall was very touching and sad. I hope you update this, I'm curious to meet this Joel.
And thanks for keeping up with Lagrimas, though I'm lazy about updating it.
7AethraZipAww.. *cries*
I do find it strange that a bunch of guys who like to rape other guys just happen to be travelling together, but it's a staple in gay fiction, really, so I won't say it's bad. The story overall was very touching and sad. I hope you update this, I'm curious to meet this Joel.
And thanks for keeping up with Lagrimas, though I'm lazy about updating it.
9/29/2003 c1 27aspenjerome
This story reminds me - a little - of Joyce Carol Oates "Where Are You Going, Where have You Been." It's a shor story, pretty easy to find, and if you can get your hands on it, do. It'll make this story better.
I like the details of the piece, naming the rapists by description, for example, is a good way of drawing clearly the perps.
The boyfriend at the outset of the piece is a bit murky, however. He's just that every day asshole girls always seem to find, right after, as you've written, the boyfriend pulls them out of "misery." I feel like this has to be explained a little better, or else discarded. You can't expect the reader to just know which "misery" we're talking about. Smaller details - such as why he laughs at her when she tries to tell him to stop drinking - need no further explanation. Misery does.
Keep working, and good luck with a title.
27aspenjeromeThis story reminds me - a little - of Joyce Carol Oates "Where Are You Going, Where have You Been." It's a shor story, pretty easy to find, and if you can get your hands on it, do. It'll make this story better.
I like the details of the piece, naming the rapists by description, for example, is a good way of drawing clearly the perps.
The boyfriend at the outset of the piece is a bit murky, however. He's just that every day asshole girls always seem to find, right after, as you've written, the boyfriend pulls them out of "misery." I feel like this has to be explained a little better, or else discarded. You can't expect the reader to just know which "misery" we're talking about. Smaller details - such as why he laughs at her when she tries to tell him to stop drinking - need no further explanation. Misery does.
Keep working, and good luck with a title.
9/29/2003 c1 Purged Account
If this is what you were unsure of posting, then I dont see why.
It was brilliantly well written. All described well, and emotions made to feel real. I couldnt see any mistakes with spelling/grammar.
Of course it was depressing and sad, but what else could it be? The poor guy. I dont suppose you plan on giving him some happiness?
I dont lie if dont like something, so Im being honest that I think this is good. Speak to ya soon. Bye!
Dean.
If this is what you were unsure of posting, then I dont see why.
It was brilliantly well written. All described well, and emotions made to feel real. I couldnt see any mistakes with spelling/grammar.
Of course it was depressing and sad, but what else could it be? The poor guy. I dont suppose you plan on giving him some happiness?
I dont lie if dont like something, so Im being honest that I think this is good. Speak to ya soon. Bye!
Dean.
9/28/2003 c1 Lucy
eep
that was so sad! ;_;
i wanna jump in the story and give this guy a hug
poor thing
well written though
eep
that was so sad! ;_;
i wanna jump in the story and give this guy a hug
poor thing
well written though
9/27/2003 c1 3Narcissistic Tombstone
Woah. That was really quite striking. The emotions and fears of the narrator really get to the reader.
Especially at the very end. That was amazing and unexpected and realistic and beautiful.
I'm not going to beg you to continue, because I can't imagine it getting any better than what you just wrote. But if you do, I'm sure it will be just as good, and I'm going to run off and look at your other works now...
Love,
Me
3Narcissistic TombstoneWoah. That was really quite striking. The emotions and fears of the narrator really get to the reader.
Especially at the very end. That was amazing and unexpected and realistic and beautiful.
I'm not going to beg you to continue, because I can't imagine it getting any better than what you just wrote. But if you do, I'm sure it will be just as good, and I'm going to run off and look at your other works now...
Love,
Me