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for Calvin's Sports Column

11/12/2003 c9 James Jago
Much of this applies to all sports: my younger brother is a bit of an LA Lakers fan, and we don't even live on the same CONTINENT as LA. In fairness, I don't think we actually have a professional basketball team within thirty miles, and the county junior team plays better defence than Britain's team in the Commonwealth Games.

I will forgive Admiral being a Yankees fan, but ONLY because he's from New York. Steven has no excuse, especially since the Yankees got hammered by his local team.

By the way, what do you do if your home town has more than one team? Man U or Man City, Liverpool or Everton... tough one, don't you reckon?
11/8/2003 c9 7C Shot
I shouldnt have expected an essay outside of the world series.. poor Twins, maybe next year... but maybe you should change the title to "New England The Bests Teams Ever Column"

Of course my good ol' teams havent been bashed yet.. but the Vikings as of right now deserve to be shot.. losing to the Packers, now that is an immediate grounds to a long and painful execution over here in the Five State area. But the Vikings and Packer have been rivals for so long a lot of great players that wear purple wouldve been shot by now.

Like always I am going just have to pray the Choking Curse doesnt get to the Vikings anymore and pray that maybe somehow they wont choke in the off season.

Hm, I think I should start following hockey. I admit I havent been keen in excepting the Wild. I still remember the North Stars days... no matter how remotely since I was like five when they left us. So I know nothing about hockey... but maybe it will grow on me some.

By the way my friend where would you place me on your scale? Nah, I dont care. I am at my own level, with my own teams, knowing just a little bit more about my sport teams (except for hockey and soccer [wait does MN even have a soccer team?]) as everyother Minnesotian fan.

And in case any of you come to visit my state, wearing the colors Green and Yellow is the same as holding a sign that says "Al Queda Recruitment" and you will be shot, we are excellent shots around here too, all of us were born with a shotgun or a rifle in our hands.

~C Shot~

One last note: real men wear purple.
11/8/2003 c9 14Admiral
Best. Chapter. Ever.
11/8/2003 c9 Steven Lawrence
Well done my man. I would fall under the "never had a baseball team while growing up so I like the Yankees while living in South Florida" rule, and just inbetween Sports Guru and Sports Asshole-though you yourself slip into sports asshole for merely being a Red Sox fan and I fall into it for being a Yankees fan.

The dolphins suck-I like the Jaguars. Who suck even more, but when you're 12 and the team's got a pretty badass logo, you choose them and stick by. Write a rule on that if you'd like.

And why no response to my email homie?

11/3/2003 c8 10James Jago
I'm still a wee bit upset about the Cubs getting hammered AGAIN, poor bastards. Did that guy get into the Witness Protection Program?

Actually, considering the tone of my review to Stephen Lawrence, I'M going to need to get on it. I really shouldn't upset a guy whose uncle owns more than twenty Kalashnikovs.
10/30/2003 c8 220Namir Swiftpaw
"On a side note, is anybody else kind of ticked when a member of fictionpress.com, lets not mention names here, puts every friggin piece of writing they have ever done on the site at once? Especially if, judging by the summaries the author dislikes his or her own piece? My god, that ticks me off. But that’s for a different column, probably one I’ll never write."

Yes, this annoys me greatly.

But! That aside...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! The Yankees lost! *does the happy dance, throws confetti, and basically rubs it in every stupid Yankees fan's face*

XD Now, if only Philadelphia could ever do well...!

~Namir Swiftpaw
10/29/2003 c8 Mbwun
Oh, C Shot, Minnesota's curse is nothing compared to the Seattle Mariners'. 116 wins and we can't even get to the World Series, much less win it?

~He Who Walks On All Fours
10/29/2003 c8 7C Shot
You want to talk about flipping Curse? Well forget the damn Curse, what about the Minnesota's Teams amazing ability to choke...

...right when I started to believe in the Vikings... to the Giants, of all of God's foresaken teams, the FRIGGIN GIANTS, the least of all bad New York teams.

But I am sure we can call it the Curse of Jesse Ventura, hi sbitter taste is still on my embarced state...

~C Shot~
10/29/2003 c8 Cerulean Dawn
Ah, my gloating would feel better if I'd actually liked the Marlins. (Sigh) I guess you can't have both teams lose. But I still get to gloat, and that's something.

Yankees suck. Jeter is a pretty boy. Clemens and Wells are drunken old men.

Ah, okay, I feel better now. But don't worry Yankee fans, uncle Georgie'll go buy you a brand new team just like the last time you lost in the series.
10/29/2003 c8 Steven Lawrence
I know I havent wrote back to you in awhile-but when you get the flu and total your car, emails become a lesser priority.

HOWEVER! You've so angered me and the Gods of Baseball that they've chosen me, their speaker, to vouch for them in this endeavor you've so undertaken. Prepare to be hurt with stories of the past, present, and coming future-and an explanaion of that crap $185 million excuse.

Prepare son.

10/28/2003 c8 14Admiral

*Standard New York response.
10/24/2003 c7 33Tiefling
Intersting. This is the first time I've bothered to read one of your sports columns, since I'm not interested in sport in general.

I am a pacifist, though apparently not an 'ultra pacifist', whatever you mean by that. I don't approve of people using violence to try and solve problems. However, recreational violence I'm all in favour of. I think it helps you get this stuff out of your system. I've never played skirmish, but I am a fan of Laser Force (you run around in a dark maze and shoot each other with 'lasers'. You score points when you hit particular points on the target's suit). You don't get physically hurt like you do in Skirmish, so I for one am prone to doing stupid things like rushing an enemy stronghold by myself. Very often this works, since they don't expect it. I suppose I'd knock that stuff off if I stood to get covered in bruises, but then again, possible not. I'm also a fan of Mediaeval sword fighting, in which I regularly get bruised and bloodied and this doesn't slow me down much.

As to your comment about it being about male agression, well there are usually more guys at laser force than girls but it's the girls you want to watch. The German counterterrorist troops have a policy: shoot the women first. This is because a woman who has what it takes to make it in a male oriented environment or profession (like terrorism, or combat sports) will have had to work damn hard to get where she is and be taken seriously, so she will most likely be more vicious and ruthless than the men.

I didn't like your conclusion. I know you're trying to be funny but it's not a good idea to trivialise conflicts like Vietnam. I've never been to war, but judging by the stories my Grandfather and uncles tell, real ware IS hell.
10/22/2003 c7 10James Jago
You know, I've always fancied a go at that. The 'Quasar' thing where you get a lightgun thingy is quite good as well, and painless.

By the way, Dirty Sanchez (a sort of Welsh Jackass-but-more-so) created a pastime the like of which the world has never seen... naked paintballing! That was one of the more logical escapades portrayed on the show- one guy stapled his own ear to a shelf, on purpose.
10/21/2003 c7 7C Shot
Ahh paint ball is worshipped here in rural Minnesota. I must comment there is nothing more satisfying when the enemy is looking in the trees to get shot in the head, because your hidden in corn where they cant see you.

However there is a difference, you go to courses, we go to one of the farm boys house and set up some bails and fire the shit out of each other. Usually ends in a fist fight when everyone is getting back and a few have some rounds left... that need to be exposed of.

I must say I love the sports column if only for the fact that you and Steve strive to be better then each other making it interesting to read the reviews, and the fact that you know what you are saying and describe things the way they are.. well if not leaning towards Boston Red Sox some...

~C Shot~
10/21/2003 c7 The Fictionpress Historian
Paintball is the best game in existence. Anyone who says otherwise is a pansy. I like your essay. R&R mine?
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