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for Its Gone

3/23/2004 c1 ying zheng
2/10/2004 c1 Shadafakup
(My browser isn't letting me login, so apologies)

Muchly interestin piece, I liked the emptiness and detachment throughout the piece.
It was like a stream of conciousness, where nothing is quite clear.
I liked how you repeated the phrase "monster/with its's deadly hands" adding more effect and impact to the piece.
The contrast here is quite lovely; "butterflies", "dancing", "happy" versus "tears", "sliding" and "empty". It was very effective if you ask me.
Like the overall 'driftwood' feeling to the poem.
Not bad at all, an interesting read.
I liked it.

10/11/2003 c1 joie 610
wow. *literally shivers* scary :\ yet... unfortunately... real... more, more, more! keep writing :)
10/3/2003 c1 Wrong Name Tag
Hm... has this great sense of confusion throughout it. Good use of repetition, as well. Nice job.

Kudos and daisies.


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