for Empty Cries2/10/2004 c1 
22Rubber Duckie13
i love this poem...your a great writer and this lets me know that there are many more poems like this to come (i hope)...sometimes all you need are a few lines and the message gets through. this is like that...if you get a chance, please R&R some of my work...:)
22Rubber Duckie13i love this poem...your a great writer and this lets me know that there are many more poems like this to come (i hope)...sometimes all you need are a few lines and the message gets through. this is like that...if you get a chance, please R&R some of my work...:)
1/26/2004 c1 MindTear
wow, i like the first two lines. a lot. but then the rest of it is in passive voice... the pattern changes.
my heart bleeds, yet my song
my soul aches, (but) my voice
the but needs to definitely be in the beginning. and then the flow is cut short already, and you don't really regain it... "from my eyes flow tears"... i don't like that line. they slowly drown my life.. bleah. see, all of this is in passive voic, but you start out in powerful active voice. the subject needs to do the action, not receive it from another subject. i don't know. but the first two lines, definitely... great. overall, not so good.
wow, i like the first two lines. a lot. but then the rest of it is in passive voice... the pattern changes.
my heart bleeds, yet my song
my soul aches, (but) my voice
the but needs to definitely be in the beginning. and then the flow is cut short already, and you don't really regain it... "from my eyes flow tears"... i don't like that line. they slowly drown my life.. bleah. see, all of this is in passive voic, but you start out in powerful active voice. the subject needs to do the action, not receive it from another subject. i don't know. but the first two lines, definitely... great. overall, not so good.
1/26/2004 c1 20Penny so Pretty
this piece reminds me of Haiku (er whatever). Just the whole sorta genre of it i guess. ya know what? you should write a story! you're a great writer! think about it and let me know what you decide.
20Penny so Prettythis piece reminds me of Haiku (er whatever). Just the whole sorta genre of it i guess. ya know what? you should write a story! you're a great writer! think about it and let me know what you decide.
1/25/2004 c1 43Loki Freyjasson
i think this poem really captures that late night alone feeling, which i think we all get from time to time.
well done for expressing it so clearly and with real feelings
43Loki Freyjassoni think this poem really captures that late night alone feeling, which i think we all get from time to time.
well done for expressing it so clearly and with real feelings
1/24/2004 c1 41Ave Nosredna
Hey! Thanks for the review.
This poem is great! I feel the same way a lot..but then my friends get me through it.
~Ave
41Ave NosrednaHey! Thanks for the review.
This poem is great! I feel the same way a lot..but then my friends get me through it.
~Ave
1/18/2004 c1 Vonbrigi
Thank you for review my poem! I like all of yours but this one is my favourite. its so...heartfelt? keep writing
Thank you for review my poem! I like all of yours but this one is my favourite. its so...heartfelt? keep writing
1/17/2004 c1 2philoslove
short but it really reaches out to me, it conveys so much of the agony. Brilliant!
2philosloveshort but it really reaches out to me, it conveys so much of the agony. Brilliant!
1/17/2004 c1 267Lady B.V Rose
Yup, I cried a storm ot Evanescence's Hello last night and no-one realised. Brilliant.
- BVR xx
267Lady B.V RoseYup, I cried a storm ot Evanescence's Hello last night and no-one realised. Brilliant.
- BVR xx