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for Dust at My Feet

11/10/2003 c1 12kalariah
The emotion.. just.. kills me. (A good thing.) I like how you seem to begin it in the middle of something else:

"and though none of it really means anything..."

The imagery is very striking:

"(it won't stop bleeding, she says,

and holds up her heart. won't you help me?)"

The character seems naively unaware of the Proper Way To Do Things, as society knows it, which makes her very appealing to read about. All that counts is what people see, right? And yet:

"her smile is so large that everything that's real

inside her tumbles right out, ash on the pavement."

To hide the true emotions can be so damaging for the soul... it can kill whatever is truly there and leave nothing but what you think people want to see, a shell surrounding emptiness, trying frantically to fill itself...
10/21/2003 c1 38The Teaspoon Faery
what a poignant poem. superficial smiles can harden and crack and that's just what you've captured here. the last lines are the best, i think. "ash on the pavement" - my god, i could see it, i could feel it. i was right there and it was so powerful that i wanted to cry.

you are the most amazing writer i've ever come across, and that's not an exaggeration. every one of your poems has touched me. you have the unique ability to describe the inexpressable.

anna
10/13/2003 c1 2swimming in kerosene
wow. you've done it again-touched one of those places in me that i know is there but can never put into words.

/won't you help me?/
10/13/2003 c1 AVIGON
Another masterpiece... The way you make punctuation count in your poetry, just makes me happy, cause hardly anyone still bothers with it. I can't even say which lines I like best in this poem... it's all good.
10/13/2003 c1 79CrimsonCat
Omg... I've read this poem 4 times now, and it has made me cry. I've had the week from hell, and it's as if your poem were written for me.

it won't stop bleeding

ash on the pavement.

Those are my fav lines. Wow Jaclyn.. you amaze me.
10/13/2003 c1 3Tenika D
Interesting . . . I like it! It seems to have a sort of bittersweet yet hopeful feel to me. Strange, I know, but that's how I perceived it. All in all, I like it! Well done. :)

Tenika Dargan

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