for Self Defense3/25/2004 c1 
4Blindfire40
Pretty good. I wasn't really surprised at the ending, but it was still a bit of a twist. I feel sorry for anyone who tries to attack you
4Blindfire40Pretty good. I wasn't really surprised at the ending, but it was still a bit of a twist. I feel sorry for anyone who tries to attack you
2/12/2004 c1 40Jareth the Monk
This is one that is more effective when you try to read it fast, then all the action turns into a furious blur.
P.S.- Always go for the crotch first, there is no such thing as a clean fight. Then try to bite your attacker's jugular vein. They have about fifteen seconds to live. Any fight worth fighting is a life or death struggle.
40Jareth the MonkThis is one that is more effective when you try to read it fast, then all the action turns into a furious blur.
P.S.- Always go for the crotch first, there is no such thing as a clean fight. Then try to bite your attacker's jugular vein. They have about fifteen seconds to live. Any fight worth fighting is a life or death struggle.
1/4/2004 c1 Lady Seraph
Wow! Good job! I like how you saved the fact that it was a class for the end. I had a bit of an idea though. I took a class like that at school and the fact that there were two consecutive attackers gave it a way a litte, but only a little. I spotted a few spelling errors. Maybe proofread once more. I like the way you told us it was a class by saying you looked over at your instructor.
One more tip: As I said, I took a class like that at school and sometimes punches aren't the best. Our Sensei told us that the bottom of the palm of your hands (right before where your wrists start) are the hardest part of your hand, harder than your fists sometimes. If you're ever being attacked & your punching the you-know-what out of the guy to no avail, try hitting him with that part of your palm in upwards motions. ;)
Wow! Good job! I like how you saved the fact that it was a class for the end. I had a bit of an idea though. I took a class like that at school and the fact that there were two consecutive attackers gave it a way a litte, but only a little. I spotted a few spelling errors. Maybe proofread once more. I like the way you told us it was a class by saying you looked over at your instructor.
One more tip: As I said, I took a class like that at school and sometimes punches aren't the best. Our Sensei told us that the bottom of the palm of your hands (right before where your wrists start) are the hardest part of your hand, harder than your fists sometimes. If you're ever being attacked & your punching the you-know-what out of the guy to no avail, try hitting him with that part of your palm in upwards motions. ;)
1/3/2004 c1 22lucid-psyche
Ready for some constructive criticism? I hope so ... I have a lot. _ It's all good though; just minor cosmetic issues.
1) This probably annoyed me the most - you spelled "defense" wrong. There's an "s", not a "c". Actually, I would go back and fix that, at least in your title.
2) Please, for the love of FictionPress, double-space between your paragraphs! It makes everything much easier to read, as your eye doesn't get lost as easily as it would in a big block of text.
3) If I were you, I would go back and proofread. There are many, many little errors, such as a forgotten capital letter here and a misplaced comma there. Basically, little things that you could catch by proofreading again.
4) Your sentences are very ... rigid (?) in structure - very Raymond Chandler-esque. Try varying your sentence structure a little for a more interesting read (not that it's boring right now!)
5) I do, however, like how you kept the fact that this was a self-defense class from the reader until the end. Reading it again, I can see subtle hints - which is very, very nice. Too often someone writes a story with a shocking ending and forgets to leave little clues so that the climax doesn't come entirely out of the blue!
Okay, so that made no sense whatsoever ... _
22lucid-psycheReady for some constructive criticism? I hope so ... I have a lot. _ It's all good though; just minor cosmetic issues.
1) This probably annoyed me the most - you spelled "defense" wrong. There's an "s", not a "c". Actually, I would go back and fix that, at least in your title.
2) Please, for the love of FictionPress, double-space between your paragraphs! It makes everything much easier to read, as your eye doesn't get lost as easily as it would in a big block of text.
3) If I were you, I would go back and proofread. There are many, many little errors, such as a forgotten capital letter here and a misplaced comma there. Basically, little things that you could catch by proofreading again.
4) Your sentences are very ... rigid (?) in structure - very Raymond Chandler-esque. Try varying your sentence structure a little for a more interesting read (not that it's boring right now!)
5) I do, however, like how you kept the fact that this was a self-defense class from the reader until the end. Reading it again, I can see subtle hints - which is very, very nice. Too often someone writes a story with a shocking ending and forgets to leave little clues so that the climax doesn't come entirely out of the blue!
Okay, so that made no sense whatsoever ... _
12/23/2003 c1 ThorinOakenshield
Lucky! you got a self-defence lesson! I was going to take one but I couldn't: I was too tired. Long story. Anyway, I liked how you described everything almost exactly how it happened. i think it's good that you posted this here coz all the girls who read this will say : wow, I have to take a self-defense lesson! Anyhow, bravo, good work.
Lucky! you got a self-defence lesson! I was going to take one but I couldn't: I was too tired. Long story. Anyway, I liked how you described everything almost exactly how it happened. i think it's good that you posted this here coz all the girls who read this will say : wow, I have to take a self-defense lesson! Anyhow, bravo, good work.
12/23/2003 c1 Lori Brennan
The mystery to me was how you got in the situation in the begining. I thought you knew the person. I wonder how many picture this in an dark ally at the begining. Nice twist at the end. Tag your it!
The mystery to me was how you got in the situation in the begining. I thought you knew the person. I wonder how many picture this in an dark ally at the begining. Nice twist at the end. Tag your it!
11/16/2003 c1 Saeger
Okay... that was strange. But it was an interesting way of getting the story across! Kudos!
Okay... that was strange. But it was an interesting way of getting the story across! Kudos!
11/10/2003 c1 Kyalia
OMG, was that an IMPACT course? It sounds exactly like one that I took... we spent a lot of time screaming '911'. Anyways, for the review... my only comment would be to try to vary the sentence beginnings.
OMG, was that an IMPACT course? It sounds exactly like one that I took... we spent a lot of time screaming '911'. Anyways, for the review... my only comment would be to try to vary the sentence beginnings.
10/29/2003 c1 8SugarCoatedPeaches
Wonderful! I was in suspense the whole time! I had no idea! You are such a good writer! Keep up with it!
8SugarCoatedPeachesWonderful! I was in suspense the whole time! I had no idea! You are such a good writer! Keep up with it!
10/16/2003 c1 10child-like dreamer
greta, i DID know that it was a class, because it wasnt toally realistic. but still good job! im taking self-defense myself, and i hope it WILL help me if something ever DOES happen. :) but good piece, could use some work on fluentness, and descriptions, but still, nice job.
10child-like dreamergreta, i DID know that it was a class, because it wasnt toally realistic. but still good job! im taking self-defense myself, and i hope it WILL help me if something ever DOES happen. :) but good piece, could use some work on fluentness, and descriptions, but still, nice job.