for Middle of Nowhere, USA12/9/2003 c1 
25midzen
Creepy. Well written though, like always. Talk about dysfunctional families, man...scorpions are scary...Keep up the great writing!
25midzenCreepy. Well written though, like always. Talk about dysfunctional families, man...scorpions are scary...Keep up the great writing!
11/11/2003 c1 Evangeline
Were you, perchance, influenced by the work of Stephen King? I notice his style in here, with the roadside horror, the 'Ayuh's, and hallucinatory feel of this piece. If he was your inspiration, you've taken brilliant direction from him. Great job!
Were you, perchance, influenced by the work of Stephen King? I notice his style in here, with the roadside horror, the 'Ayuh's, and hallucinatory feel of this piece. If he was your inspiration, you've taken brilliant direction from him. Great job!
10/21/2003 c1 4Klanx
I think its a really great story infact i give it 4 and a half out of 5. But would a kid really do that? i mean he's 5 or something right? He just seems so much older sometimes. And wouldn't he die out there if he didn't have his dad to drive for him?
But apart from that it is a good story
4KlanxI think its a really great story infact i give it 4 and a half out of 5. But would a kid really do that? i mean he's 5 or something right? He just seems so much older sometimes. And wouldn't he die out there if he didn't have his dad to drive for him?
But apart from that it is a good story
10/21/2003 c1 Drumrollz
I hate you. This is freakier than Rainfall.
I hate you. This is freakier than Rainfall.
10/21/2003 c1 Omens in the Dusk Air
Hey, ok i have a few things...
the plot twists were great.
but there are some unrealistic character choices, even for a horror like thing.
Before anything else: the "scrttchess" kinda took me out of the story and made me imagine somebody with a flashlight under their face around the campfire. Take this comment as you will, it's up to you.
First, Scott is what, 5? there had been no other implication of him being this eerie, predmeditative murder kid. You have to make sure you have his psyche. Also: A little too much i think in the Mike hallucinating part, it felt like the flow kinda slowed. And if Cathy is a sadistic evil mother and wife, than wouldn't Scott either try to push her limits or be really subdued? I guess it was part of your twist, but the reader can only see Scott's love for his Daddy and the ending seems pretty improbable. I think what i'm chiefly trying to say is that you need a more probable mentality for your charaters.
It was a nice read, and an interesting one, and i love some of your subtle clues, but just be careful with your characters. Overall: good job. Keep on writing!
Hey, ok i have a few things...
the plot twists were great.
but there are some unrealistic character choices, even for a horror like thing.
Before anything else: the "scrttchess" kinda took me out of the story and made me imagine somebody with a flashlight under their face around the campfire. Take this comment as you will, it's up to you.
First, Scott is what, 5? there had been no other implication of him being this eerie, predmeditative murder kid. You have to make sure you have his psyche. Also: A little too much i think in the Mike hallucinating part, it felt like the flow kinda slowed. And if Cathy is a sadistic evil mother and wife, than wouldn't Scott either try to push her limits or be really subdued? I guess it was part of your twist, but the reader can only see Scott's love for his Daddy and the ending seems pretty improbable. I think what i'm chiefly trying to say is that you need a more probable mentality for your charaters.
It was a nice read, and an interesting one, and i love some of your subtle clues, but just be careful with your characters. Overall: good job. Keep on writing!
10/20/2003 c1 35waterlilypad
Scorpions... you had to write about scorpions...
God, you're going to give me nightmares.
That was the point, wasn't it?
Damn, you're good.
35waterlilypadScorpions... you had to write about scorpions...
God, you're going to give me nightmares.
That was the point, wasn't it?
Damn, you're good.