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for Fire

10/30/2003 c1 196Damaged
^_^ Beautifully written! I love how you wrote this! Excellent job! Keep up the great writing!
10/30/2003 c1 70insert name here
wow...thats amazing...whoa, u should really consider submitting it to a nature place, cause thats really good, its like wicked strong...wow
10/30/2003 c1 15Beautiful Wednesday
Since you write in distinct phrases, I would recommend reconsidering some of your punctuation (or lack thereof, in some cases). I will admit to being rather comma-happy, but to make each thought distinct from (though yet connected to) those around it, adding end of phrase punctuation, where appropriate, will give your audience a better since of your rhythm and flow. Your diction choices are good-though "rigid" and "pulsating" are contradictory images-and you look at both the devastation and the magnificence of the blaze. I would warn you against assuming how people feel about the fires though. I am in Redlands, CA and can see the fires from my front porch-the winds changed this morning and it's the first day we've been able to breathe in nearly a week. And despite the destruction and resultant grief, people here do recognize the magnificence of the wildfires, as well as the necessity thereof. It is due to the absence of fires over the past years that these are so devastating, the underbrush is thick when smaller fires usually clear that out. But to say that people here are and will always be "...unaware of the majesty that Mother Nature holds..." seems a rather large assumption. Your poem has a lot of really good things going for it, and, obviously, as the artist you have the right to express your opinion (I just happen to disagree with you). I would go through it again and edit a bit, some of your verbage is extraneous-watch out for too many dead verbs (such as are, is, were...) because they hinder the fluidity of your writing and add excess "stuff." Your imagery is quite nice though and I like the idea of presenting both sides of the fire-humanitarian and natural-and I encourage you to keep working on your writing. Good luck!

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