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11/23/2003 c1 150SpawnMeister666
Interesting...very interesting...

Okay, so I want to know whats going to happen next, so update already!

10/29/2003 c1 15gollygoshkers
You've got an interesting story going on here. Here are a few suggestions that you don't necessarily have to take...

One... Your use of description is good, but it could be better. I can see the sun setting, but it's not spectacular. I can see the brawling tavern, but not really. More description...

Two and Three... Spelling and grammar. You need to get someone to read over this story and find the spelling and grammar mistakes, and then you yourself should go over one more time to find any other mistakes that the previous person might have missed.


"A cool breeze blew threw (You mean THROUGH) the tiny town, rustling the leaves in the gutter and on the trees."

"The loud noises, drunken song, and occasional crash as someone fell of (You mean OFF) a table had died down a little (Get rid of 'a little'. Your point was taken when you said that all had died down.) and he moved back into the golden warmth of the Tavern."

The above sentence is run on as well. Break it down to two.

Once again... these are all suggestions. You can keep your story as-is, but I know that there is more potential for this story in you somewhere. Keep writing...

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