Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for The Ultramodern Corporation

12/17/2003 c4 90The Zaniak
I love it! No matter how many times you add new chapters, remove chapters, switch chapters around, I'm probably still going to love it.
One thing- "I am not a liar" isn't a paradox. If you're telling the truth about not lying, then you're still telling the truth. "I am a liar" is almost a paradox- "I always lie" or "I never tell the truth" are the true paradoxes. Although if you believe in shades of grey as well as black and white, then they really aren't a paradox- if you say "I always lie" and are lying, then you could sometimes lie, and every thing can work out.
Anyway, keep writing! I love it!
12/16/2003 c4 87EchoesOfReason
Well I must say I am quite impressed. After you re-arranged the chapters it is quite clear and well written.
And I especially like the way you toggled the timeline, I have to admit it was quite impressive how you kept the events in check.
The plot line to this story has really taken off well and all I can say is Congrats on doing so well. I've read quite a few mystery books, mostly Tom Clancy and your writing can go very easily under that category and if you keep up this method your writing can slolwy progress to that standard of Clancy's.
There is an especially well written scene in which Richard is on Stephen's computer and sees Abby's file. Now that would surely turn into something amazing and I'm hoping that there is a well written plot behind that little scene. Because twists like that can only make the story better.
Now there is one error in this that I think surely needs to be checked out and I'm not too sure if anyone else would pick it up but it is quite obvious to me. Now in chapter 3: Jon Wesinstud, there was a line that Jon insisted on commenting on.
-“My balls are killing me,” said Jon, putting a hand down his pants while he walked. “Me mum bought me new undies this morning. They’re bloody tight.”- now this would be funny and strange except for the fact that in your next chapter when Richard was talking to Stephen he asked him about his wife, Jon and Abby's mother and Stephen said she had died shortly after Jon's birth.
I just thought it fair to point out that detail to you so you can change it if you have to before anyone else sees it, unless you have a plan for it or something like that.
Like I said before, this has the potential to be an amazing story and it now follows the summary which is good and I'm wishing I could take back my first review. This could be something really good, and I look forward to it.
So good luck, keep it up and I'll be awaiting the next well written chapter.
Love always,
A-Light-From-Your-Darkness
12/3/2003 c1 EchoesOfReason
The first chapter sort of derives AWAY from the summary but it does prove to be quite a promising story. Thanks for your review, really appreciate it. But I'm not quite certain if this story/novel is going to be along the lines of professional writing or childish actions because you had somewhat of a serious, business like start that involved the company name, and then you just kind of strayed away to childish actions. But do post the next chapter, I shall be awaiting it.
Love always,
A-Light-From-Your-Darkness
11/26/2003 c2 90The Zaniak
Okay...this has really confused me.

Originally, this chapter was the first chapter.

Then, a while later, a second chapter was put up, involving technologically advanced aboriginals.

Now, this is the second chapter, and the other second chapter is gone, and there is a new first chapter.

What's happening?
10/30/2003 c1 The Zaniak
Wow...that was really, really good. It's...amazing. Keep writing! I loved it! You're on my favourite author list now, just for this. I'll go check out your other stuff.
50 « Prev Page 1 .. 2 3 4

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service