for Protector4/29/2012 c36 Left-Handed Writer
Not much to say. I feel weird for reviewing a story that's about nine years old. But thank you for making my heart stop with that awful ending (I mean awful as in how-can-you-sleep-at-night-knowing-you-ended-it-this-way)
Not much to say. I feel weird for reviewing a story that's about nine years old. But thank you for making my heart stop with that awful ending (I mean awful as in how-can-you-sleep-at-night-knowing-you-ended-it-this-way)
11/16/2011 c19 Christina
I think that AJS's review pretty much sums up what I have to say except I'm going to stop reading at chapter 19. I do think that this story has potential though and with revising can be very good so I hope you do continue to work on it! :D
I think that AJS's review pretty much sums up what I have to say except I'm going to stop reading at chapter 19. I do think that this story has potential though and with revising can be very good so I hope you do continue to work on it! :D
6/18/2011 c12 Anna
And I have MOrE than half a mind to give that Mr. Arrogant Smirking Freak a piece of my mind! Kick him! I don't care if he is down, just kick him!
And I have MOrE than half a mind to give that Mr. Arrogant Smirking Freak a piece of my mind! Kick him! I don't care if he is down, just kick him!
6/18/2011 c10 Anna
And beat him to a pulp! That sly snake! That pomparpus chicken! (I made that up) he should die! Grrrrr!
And beat him to a pulp! That sly snake! That pomparpus chicken! (I made that up) he should die! Grrrrr!
6/18/2011 c10 Anna
And beat him to a pulp! That sly snake! That pomparpus chicken! (I made that up) he should die! Grrrrr!
And beat him to a pulp! That sly snake! That pomparpus chicken! (I made that up) he should die! Grrrrr!
6/18/2011 c4 Anna
I like God, too!
I like God, too!
11/22/2010 c35 
3AJS
Honestly... I read through this story up until this chapter and the summary of it sounds a lot better than the actual story itself. Maybe it's because I had high expectations for this story but I was just never really into it. It just felt like the entire thing was... just that. A story. Like I was being told a bedtime tale or something. Like a whole once upon a time, but I never felt like I was actually living the story. It all just seems from very up above. Not a lot of descriptions. A lot of skipping over. Nothing deep enough to actually make me care or feel the emotions or really get into this. I mean I know this is a sad ending from reading the reviews and yet... I don't care at all. I can't really bring myself to read the rest of this.
I know this may sound me but I just wanted to give you my honest opinion because I know you mentioned that you plan on revising this. I guess this story was a lot of telling but never showing. And just... when there is description it's not deep. It's just kind of boring and makes me glaze over it all a bit. I had actually planned on reading both this story and it's sequel but I just... I don't know. I guess I didn't come to care enough about this story to follow through with that.
Another thing I noticed was an inconsistency with that Tammy girl. She came to Aiur and apologized for being so rude just because she was jealous, but Tammy didn't know who Aiur was until after she was already rude to her, so that doesn't really make much sense.
I guess I feel like so many parts of this story were glanced over and never really explained. I don't really know where to focus. You didn't develop any of the characters or relationships enough for me to really care about anyone. And at first I thought that was just because that's how the story started out, but then I realized that the entire thing is like that, and now here I am, second chapter to the last, and I still don't care.
I don't mean to be harsh. This isn't a flame. I think the general plot of your story is good, but it's not developed enough. Best of luck with your writing endeavors.
- Alyssa
3AJSHonestly... I read through this story up until this chapter and the summary of it sounds a lot better than the actual story itself. Maybe it's because I had high expectations for this story but I was just never really into it. It just felt like the entire thing was... just that. A story. Like I was being told a bedtime tale or something. Like a whole once upon a time, but I never felt like I was actually living the story. It all just seems from very up above. Not a lot of descriptions. A lot of skipping over. Nothing deep enough to actually make me care or feel the emotions or really get into this. I mean I know this is a sad ending from reading the reviews and yet... I don't care at all. I can't really bring myself to read the rest of this.
I know this may sound me but I just wanted to give you my honest opinion because I know you mentioned that you plan on revising this. I guess this story was a lot of telling but never showing. And just... when there is description it's not deep. It's just kind of boring and makes me glaze over it all a bit. I had actually planned on reading both this story and it's sequel but I just... I don't know. I guess I didn't come to care enough about this story to follow through with that.
Another thing I noticed was an inconsistency with that Tammy girl. She came to Aiur and apologized for being so rude just because she was jealous, but Tammy didn't know who Aiur was until after she was already rude to her, so that doesn't really make much sense.
I guess I feel like so many parts of this story were glanced over and never really explained. I don't really know where to focus. You didn't develop any of the characters or relationships enough for me to really care about anyone. And at first I thought that was just because that's how the story started out, but then I realized that the entire thing is like that, and now here I am, second chapter to the last, and I still don't care.
I don't mean to be harsh. This isn't a flame. I think the general plot of your story is good, but it's not developed enough. Best of luck with your writing endeavors.
- Alyssa
4/4/2010 c7 1A Fictional Angel
I. Am. So. Glad. You. No. Longer. Talk. In. Chat. Speak.
:)
Review more tomorrow. Heading off to bed now.
1A Fictional AngelI. Am. So. Glad. You. No. Longer. Talk. In. Chat. Speak.
:)
Review more tomorrow. Heading off to bed now.
4/4/2010 c6 A Fictional Angel
"Tammy, milady?" She nodded. Fenix thought about it. "Well, she really can stitch up a wound."
"Not what you think of her abilities," Aiur said.
THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! *blushes*
Dum...de dum.
"Tammy, milady?" She nodded. Fenix thought about it. "Well, she really can stitch up a wound."
"Not what you think of her abilities," Aiur said.
THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! *blushes*
Dum...de dum.
4/4/2010 c5 A Fictional Angel
Tammy reminds me slightly of this ditzy blondes who suck up to the hot guys.
"Oh dear," May spouted.
LOL. I know this was a typo but the picture in my mind I had of May spouting got me cracking up.
"Hi," she said. "Which of you is the invalid?"
Wish my school nurse said that to me.
Tammy reminds me slightly of this ditzy blondes who suck up to the hot guys.
"Oh dear," May spouted.
LOL. I know this was a typo but the picture in my mind I had of May spouting got me cracking up.
"Hi," she said. "Which of you is the invalid?"
Wish my school nurse said that to me.
4/4/2010 c4 A Fictional Angel
"You know what I'd love, sir?"
He paled slightly. Or maybe it was just the light.
HEHE. CUTE.
AND THE PART WHERE HE FELL ON TOP OF HER WAS HOT.
Oh and awkward Fenix is very awkward.
Loving the undeniable sexual tension between the two of them.
She considered. "Say you cut yourself."
"That makes me look like a klutz!" he protested.
So cute. Is it possible to fall in love with a fictional character in... 4 chapters?
"You know what I'd love, sir?"
He paled slightly. Or maybe it was just the light.
HEHE. CUTE.
AND THE PART WHERE HE FELL ON TOP OF HER WAS HOT.
Oh and awkward Fenix is very awkward.
Loving the undeniable sexual tension between the two of them.
She considered. "Say you cut yourself."
"That makes me look like a klutz!" he protested.
So cute. Is it possible to fall in love with a fictional character in... 4 chapters?
4/4/2010 c3 A Fictional Angel
*gasps*
OH NO. THE PRINCESS IS IN TROUBLE! XD
Hehe. This chapter was shorter than the one before. Which was good.
Malloy is a perverted pedophile. I hate him. *angryfays*
/randomness.
*gasps*
OH NO. THE PRINCESS IS IN TROUBLE! XD
Hehe. This chapter was shorter than the one before. Which was good.
Malloy is a perverted pedophile. I hate him. *angryfays*
/randomness.
4/4/2010 c2 A Fictional Angel
Hehe. You have no idea how many times I giggled out loud during particular parts in this chapter.
It was really funny! In a good way though. Not like a 'OMG this story is so pathetic and the Princess is so stupid so I'm gonna laugh at it like an idiot now'. No, it was more of a 'E! This is so adorable and after reading one chapter I'm already shipping the two of them and want to smush their faces together because everything is just so la la la...fairytale.'
:)
Hehe. You have no idea how many times I giggled out loud during particular parts in this chapter.
It was really funny! In a good way though. Not like a 'OMG this story is so pathetic and the Princess is so stupid so I'm gonna laugh at it like an idiot now'. No, it was more of a 'E! This is so adorable and after reading one chapter I'm already shipping the two of them and want to smush their faces together because everything is just so la la la...fairytale.'
:)
4/4/2010 c1 A Fictional Angel
Hey there. This is Angel.
Here is me, on April 4th 2010, feeling bored one fine night and decided to check out your story.
Don't worry, no flames from me.
I like the summary though. Very interesting. And the title is very interesting. Lots of interesting things.
You'll be hearing more from me soon.
Hey there. This is Angel.
Here is me, on April 4th 2010, feeling bored one fine night and decided to check out your story.
Don't worry, no flames from me.
I like the summary though. Very interesting. And the title is very interesting. Lots of interesting things.
You'll be hearing more from me soon.
1/20/2010 c14 omnomnomnom
the way you've written this story is really good. i love the sort of forbidden love Fenix and Aiur have going. And it's the pure, naive first love that is very sweet. Can't wait to read more!
the way you've written this story is really good. i love the sort of forbidden love Fenix and Aiur have going. And it's the pure, naive first love that is very sweet. Can't wait to read more!