for Protector1/6/2008 c36 x3life
WHAT? omg whatt a bad cliffhannger! i was like omg what gonna happen... and then the endingg! haha. now i needa go read the 2nd one. =) but loved this storyy.. verry... suspenseful? shoot not that word.. hmm how about addicting in a good way? well.. cant think of a word to describe it... it just rocked! haha
WHAT? omg whatt a bad cliffhannger! i was like omg what gonna happen... and then the endingg! haha. now i needa go read the 2nd one. =) but loved this storyy.. verry... suspenseful? shoot not that word.. hmm how about addicting in a good way? well.. cant think of a word to describe it... it just rocked! haha
6/3/2007 c36 Teeks
NOO! *weeps* I really want to strangle Malloy, you write very well and I enjoyed reading this
NOO! *weeps* I really want to strangle Malloy, you write very well and I enjoyed reading this
4/22/2007 c1 Dreaming One
lol. That's how I feel about everything I've ever written. *feels your pain*
But I doubt this story sucks as much as you say. ;)
lol. That's how I feel about everything I've ever written. *feels your pain*
But I doubt this story sucks as much as you say. ;)
12/30/2006 c2 
13KimHua
For a story that is supposed to be "really, really terrible" this chapter is an excellent start - not too much said, but enough to let the reader know of the main characters' feelings.
13KimHuaFor a story that is supposed to be "really, really terrible" this chapter is an excellent start - not too much said, but enough to let the reader know of the main characters' feelings.
9/26/2006 c1 star
aw...:((...don't be ashamed of this story..i think it's great..hehe..yes..i'm trying to give ur self esteem a huge boost...but i'm not just saying it..i really mean it! Your work is heaps great and i know what you mean about 'not being happy with your work', cos sometimes the standard the author sets for him/herself is higher than what people expect..but just to let you know..the standard of this story is 10 x 10% great! So yep..keep on writing! bye bye
aw...:((...don't be ashamed of this story..i think it's great..hehe..yes..i'm trying to give ur self esteem a huge boost...but i'm not just saying it..i really mean it! Your work is heaps great and i know what you mean about 'not being happy with your work', cos sometimes the standard the author sets for him/herself is higher than what people expect..but just to let you know..the standard of this story is 10 x 10% great! So yep..keep on writing! bye bye
7/31/2006 c29 whisper in the dark
in accordance to the review i just sent: a different p.o.v. you could use is the king's...how he is handling all of this and possibly his side of the relationship with his daughter (or lack there of)...^_^
in accordance to the review i just sent: a different p.o.v. you could use is the king's...how he is handling all of this and possibly his side of the relationship with his daughter (or lack there of)...^_^
7/31/2006 c28 whisper in the dark
i like the plot but the dialogue needs work...the sentences sound somewhat choppy sometimes. the story would be more interesting if you would put in a second p.o.v. and not just the whole 'transmitting in secret' or fenix (good try but each section we see of him is really brief). for example pick a character, good or bad, and let readers get to know them. complicate your characters, life is complex. instead of the brief glimpses we see of the side characters, make them more important, give auir many different oppinions from fellow characters. It also seems that she isn't very faithful to fenix (not that she needs to be...)i mean...she has power over malloy and she doesn't use it...i do realize that he has fenix hanging over her head...be more descriptive of situations, physical descriptions...like describe the area around characters to set the mood, more so then it was snowing or raining or sunny etc. etc. describe the character's physical appearance as well... you are a good writer with a great plot, you just need some kinks ironed out(god i sould like a granmother when i say that phrase...)^_^
i like the plot but the dialogue needs work...the sentences sound somewhat choppy sometimes. the story would be more interesting if you would put in a second p.o.v. and not just the whole 'transmitting in secret' or fenix (good try but each section we see of him is really brief). for example pick a character, good or bad, and let readers get to know them. complicate your characters, life is complex. instead of the brief glimpses we see of the side characters, make them more important, give auir many different oppinions from fellow characters. It also seems that she isn't very faithful to fenix (not that she needs to be...)i mean...she has power over malloy and she doesn't use it...i do realize that he has fenix hanging over her head...be more descriptive of situations, physical descriptions...like describe the area around characters to set the mood, more so then it was snowing or raining or sunny etc. etc. describe the character's physical appearance as well... you are a good writer with a great plot, you just need some kinks ironed out(god i sould like a granmother when i say that phrase...)^_^
7/31/2006 c26 whisper in the dark
you could have built more suspense and add more of a shock effect had you put more females around fenix...as it is, there was only one chick that you could associate with being a possible traitor, roanne,since you said earlier that the person in the black cloak was a girl...
you could have built more suspense and add more of a shock effect had you put more females around fenix...as it is, there was only one chick that you could associate with being a possible traitor, roanne,since you said earlier that the person in the black cloak was a girl...
6/26/2006 c2 FadedWhispers
Luv the idea of the whole guard thingo! And u rite very well too! :):):):)
Luv the idea of the whole guard thingo! And u rite very well too! :):):):)
6/15/2006 c1 2StrawberryStarburst
Very interesting storyline. It's kind of like Charmed, with the Whitelighters. I'm definitely going like reading this.
2StrawberryStarburstVery interesting storyline. It's kind of like Charmed, with the Whitelighters. I'm definitely going like reading this.
6/14/2006 c36 RedBerries
Randomest ending. You know, the plot is really good. Have you considering re-writing it with slightly longer chapters? It's be worth it you know.
Randomest ending. You know, the plot is really good. Have you considering re-writing it with slightly longer chapters? It's be worth it you know.