for Band of Heroes, Inc6/28/2012 c2 Guest
Halarious!
Halarious!
7/19/2010 c4 MoManiac
i don't mean to be rude or anything, but i honestly couldn't read this story. it was all random and chaotic and there's random authors notes everywhere. i guess all the randomness is okay for a lot of people, but i at least think you should stop with the author's notes, or at least just star (*) things and write the note at the bottom of the page. it REALLY takes away from the story.
i don't mean to be rude or anything, but i honestly couldn't read this story. it was all random and chaotic and there's random authors notes everywhere. i guess all the randomness is okay for a lot of people, but i at least think you should stop with the author's notes, or at least just star (*) things and write the note at the bottom of the page. it REALLY takes away from the story.
8/4/2009 c10 Brittanie
You write the most dysfunctional stories I have ever read and they're completely hilarious! Kudos!
You write the most dysfunctional stories I have ever read and they're completely hilarious! Kudos!
5/19/2009 c1 anon.1993
i really like your description of Ren. purple eyes are awesome!
cant wait to read more.
p.s.- i like your taste in books :p
i really like your description of Ren. purple eyes are awesome!
cant wait to read more.
p.s.- i like your taste in books :p
11/3/2008 c5 
10KatyaChekov
I liked the old lady dying. XD That was just too perfect. One complaint, though...you don't need to keep describing hair color and such. Readers know what the characters look like, so repeating descriptions can get annoying, especially in shorter stories. The elf lady's description, spread out as it was, was good.
Like the story so far. It helps relieve the boredom of a school day, and is a good story to boot.
10KatyaChekovI liked the old lady dying. XD That was just too perfect. One complaint, though...you don't need to keep describing hair color and such. Readers know what the characters look like, so repeating descriptions can get annoying, especially in shorter stories. The elf lady's description, spread out as it was, was good.
Like the story so far. It helps relieve the boredom of a school day, and is a good story to boot.
10/18/2008 c17 Elle Winters 9
Yeah, it was a abrupt and didn't seem to suit, but it was dragging on for awhile.
anyway it was funny =)
Yeah, it was a abrupt and didn't seem to suit, but it was dragging on for awhile.
anyway it was funny =)
10/18/2008 c3 Elle Winters 9
i think you should be a song writer. i was sorely disappointed when i tried to find the song on google. miserable failure.
i think you should be a song writer. i was sorely disappointed when i tried to find the song on google. miserable failure.
5/4/2008 c1 FreeDaChickens
This looks interesting, but Ren is really a Mary Sue. Her beauty, generous figure, knee length silver hair, and purple eyes contribute to this. To make her less of a Mary Sue, her eyes should probably be an actual color (when have you ever seen purple eyes?), and her hair should be a realistic color and length (silver "straight, knee-length locks"?)
In addition, you should never, ever interrupt your story with an author's note ("large purple eyes narrowed in a ferocious scowl. (a/n: yes, I'm obsessed with purple eyes. grins hehehe)"). It's great that you love purple eyes. You can tell everyone that at the end of your chapter. But please, don't interrupt your story to give the readers your personal opinion on the character!
I think there's a lot of potential in this story, but you should try making Eirena less of a Mary Sue.
FreeDaChickens
This looks interesting, but Ren is really a Mary Sue. Her beauty, generous figure, knee length silver hair, and purple eyes contribute to this. To make her less of a Mary Sue, her eyes should probably be an actual color (when have you ever seen purple eyes?), and her hair should be a realistic color and length (silver "straight, knee-length locks"?)
In addition, you should never, ever interrupt your story with an author's note ("large purple eyes narrowed in a ferocious scowl. (a/n: yes, I'm obsessed with purple eyes. grins hehehe)"). It's great that you love purple eyes. You can tell everyone that at the end of your chapter. But please, don't interrupt your story to give the readers your personal opinion on the character!
I think there's a lot of potential in this story, but you should try making Eirena less of a Mary Sue.
FreeDaChickens