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11/9/2003 c1 5ChibiShanchan
the idea is pretty good and i like a lot of your word choice. ^_^ the final paragraph is nice, but the actions of the character James seems too unkind and the way its presented made me feel awkward. maybe its just me. not bad though. ^_^
11/9/2003 c1 11donzilla70
Lots of emotion

Use less exposition... more dialogue

Make it sing...

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