for Opherion7/24/2004 c2 Delete Name
Okay, well, Nadine and Armide work. Adam's & Eve's all over again. ~_~
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Anyways, it's nice, but once again you lack in detail. Polishing it up will make the tale perfect.
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7/10
Okay, well, Nadine and Armide work. Adam's & Eve's all over again. ~_~
.
Anyways, it's nice, but once again you lack in detail. Polishing it up will make the tale perfect.
.
7/10
7/24/2004 c1 Delete Name
You need to add more description, make things clearer with a good balance of metaphor and reality, and you also need to refrain from calling women "she-man", because even in most fantasy they will say "female". Although I realize a lot will say "she-elf", but that doesn't make feminists mad. LOL.
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6/10
You need to add more description, make things clearer with a good balance of metaphor and reality, and you also need to refrain from calling women "she-man", because even in most fantasy they will say "female". Although I realize a lot will say "she-elf", but that doesn't make feminists mad. LOL.
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6/10
5/20/2004 c4 kamui-kun
Well, this is the last chapter of Opherion. Kinda sad, isn't it? And you leaving us with the mystery of what news the messenger brings is quite annoying as well! Hehehe... just joking. It was a good cliffhanger! Now take up the responsibility and continue! Another joke! =) All in all, another great and wonderful job!
I definitely love the intricate descriptions and imagery that you employed in this chapter! Masterful work! The description of the domicile was very well done, not to mention the details put in describing Cherphine's wardrobe! I admire the amount of effort that you put in the details! Great!
Ah... mystery! I think all stories should have a tad bit of mystery to make things interesting... and this seems to have its share. That undescribable feeling that Cherphine has makes me a tad bit concerned as well as the messenger's news. Hm... I just wonder what they might be and why does it concern Cherphine and her brother. Well, I guess the next chapters should explain all of these!
Wonderful chapter and cliffhanger! What more can I say? Too bad that it has been a while since this story's last update. I do hope you consider making the next chapter soon! Anyway... I'll check out the next story of yours soon! See ya!
Well, this is the last chapter of Opherion. Kinda sad, isn't it? And you leaving us with the mystery of what news the messenger brings is quite annoying as well! Hehehe... just joking. It was a good cliffhanger! Now take up the responsibility and continue! Another joke! =) All in all, another great and wonderful job!
I definitely love the intricate descriptions and imagery that you employed in this chapter! Masterful work! The description of the domicile was very well done, not to mention the details put in describing Cherphine's wardrobe! I admire the amount of effort that you put in the details! Great!
Ah... mystery! I think all stories should have a tad bit of mystery to make things interesting... and this seems to have its share. That undescribable feeling that Cherphine has makes me a tad bit concerned as well as the messenger's news. Hm... I just wonder what they might be and why does it concern Cherphine and her brother. Well, I guess the next chapters should explain all of these!
Wonderful chapter and cliffhanger! What more can I say? Too bad that it has been a while since this story's last update. I do hope you consider making the next chapter soon! Anyway... I'll check out the next story of yours soon! See ya!
5/16/2004 c3 kamui-kun
Good chapter! Your writing style made it easy for the readers to follow the track and the progress of your story. Plus, the new character adds a little bit more depth to the plot and a whole new mystery just waiting to be unraveled.
Hm... that chase scene in the trees was kinda odd. Why were hunters chasing this Juan guy? I don't believe that they did that just because the man got lost. And why did they suddenly escape upon noticing Cherphine's presence? They clearly outnumber her but they seemed to be warry of the girl. Hm... I believe there is something much deeper to it than meets the eye.
"Remember my face, and you'll earn my name." Replacing the hood, she left him with Lyas, to walk once more through the forest. - this has gotta be the coolest thing I've ever heard from a woman - EVER! Wow, such boldness! Cherphine's really no pushover maiden-in-distress type of character, not after such a powerful ending word. Princess? I think she doesn't fit the role one bit. =) I haven't seen her in that form but I just love her when in warrior mode. Great character! One of the bests I've ever seen!
Well... once again, nice work! Still loving this story. Kinda sad that the next one is the last you've got. Hope you do consider continuing this work! See ya!
Good chapter! Your writing style made it easy for the readers to follow the track and the progress of your story. Plus, the new character adds a little bit more depth to the plot and a whole new mystery just waiting to be unraveled.
Hm... that chase scene in the trees was kinda odd. Why were hunters chasing this Juan guy? I don't believe that they did that just because the man got lost. And why did they suddenly escape upon noticing Cherphine's presence? They clearly outnumber her but they seemed to be warry of the girl. Hm... I believe there is something much deeper to it than meets the eye.
"Remember my face, and you'll earn my name." Replacing the hood, she left him with Lyas, to walk once more through the forest. - this has gotta be the coolest thing I've ever heard from a woman - EVER! Wow, such boldness! Cherphine's really no pushover maiden-in-distress type of character, not after such a powerful ending word. Princess? I think she doesn't fit the role one bit. =) I haven't seen her in that form but I just love her when in warrior mode. Great character! One of the bests I've ever seen!
Well... once again, nice work! Still loving this story. Kinda sad that the next one is the last you've got. Hope you do consider continuing this work! See ya!
5/11/2004 c1 kamui-kun
Hey! I think I missed reviewing this one! Sorry bout that! =) Anyway, it is a nice start. The mystery of the mother's death and who was chasing her gives something for the readers to think about.
This Cherbrent guy's kinda cool, going out of his way to protect a stranger. Rarely do I see nobles care for other people lower than them but hhe seems different. And taking into his own care the child - so caring of him.
But where did the Hunter dudes came from? Hm... gotta read more to find out! Nice work! =)
Hey! I think I missed reviewing this one! Sorry bout that! =) Anyway, it is a nice start. The mystery of the mother's death and who was chasing her gives something for the readers to think about.
This Cherbrent guy's kinda cool, going out of his way to protect a stranger. Rarely do I see nobles care for other people lower than them but hhe seems different. And taking into his own care the child - so caring of him.
But where did the Hunter dudes came from? Hm... gotta read more to find out! Nice work! =)
5/11/2004 c2 kamui-kun
Wow! This story is really good. First of all, I just love your very deep vocabulary - perambulations, evincing, precedence - so intricate and yet a perfect fit for this fantasy/sci-fi story of yours. This gave your dialogues and conversation scenes a feeling of medieval fantasy. Great work!
Now about the main character, I especially love Cherphine! Sometimes I'm just turned away by those maidens-in-distress types of characters but she's totally the opposite of that. A woman who loves to be cloaked in mystery, refusing to flaunt her innate beauty and yet has also a talent for battle - she's just the perfect heroine to the story ala Brigette from the WOT series!
Now I can just only hope how good the other characters could be - these Lyas and this brother dude. Maybe next chapters would give a better view of them.
Also, great fight scene at the end. I thought it was very well visualized and very well narrated to quicken the pace a bit.
Good work! Sorry it took me so long to review this chapter! Nice work! Place this in my faves for now. Catch the next one soon.
P.S. Love the little appendix at the end. Maybe I'll add one to my story as well. =)
Wow! This story is really good. First of all, I just love your very deep vocabulary - perambulations, evincing, precedence - so intricate and yet a perfect fit for this fantasy/sci-fi story of yours. This gave your dialogues and conversation scenes a feeling of medieval fantasy. Great work!
Now about the main character, I especially love Cherphine! Sometimes I'm just turned away by those maidens-in-distress types of characters but she's totally the opposite of that. A woman who loves to be cloaked in mystery, refusing to flaunt her innate beauty and yet has also a talent for battle - she's just the perfect heroine to the story ala Brigette from the WOT series!
Now I can just only hope how good the other characters could be - these Lyas and this brother dude. Maybe next chapters would give a better view of them.
Also, great fight scene at the end. I thought it was very well visualized and very well narrated to quicken the pace a bit.
Good work! Sorry it took me so long to review this chapter! Nice work! Place this in my faves for now. Catch the next one soon.
P.S. Love the little appendix at the end. Maybe I'll add one to my story as well. =)
1/8/2004 c4 
3Emerald Ember
it isnt boring, it is good that you've given the reader an understanding of the structure so they dont get lost. i think it is a good thing included it
3Emerald Emberit isnt boring, it is good that you've given the reader an understanding of the structure so they dont get lost. i think it is a good thing included it
12/17/2003 c3 Emerald Ember
The novel starts out very interesting, a bit confusing but as you read on you get to understand bits at tht beginning that you didnt before, pace is good, description is good, there are somethings that are not quite as detailed as the others but terrific start. Keep writing.
The novel starts out very interesting, a bit confusing but as you read on you get to understand bits at tht beginning that you didnt before, pace is good, description is good, there are somethings that are not quite as detailed as the others but terrific start. Keep writing.
12/16/2003 c4 148JJR Meerraf
Yep, I'll keep reading, you keep reading! I love seeing you do fantasy work, it's great, it just shows how well rounded your are. Great stuff!
P.S.
I'd love to get a copy of the buletin somehow, if that's okay.
148JJR MeerrafYep, I'll keep reading, you keep reading! I love seeing you do fantasy work, it's great, it just shows how well rounded your are. Great stuff!
P.S.
I'd love to get a copy of the buletin somehow, if that's okay.
12/16/2003 c3 JJR Meerraf
Hm... the plot thickens a bit. You've always done a good job in putting a little mystery in your stories. Excellent!
Hm... the plot thickens a bit. You've always done a good job in putting a little mystery in your stories. Excellent!
12/16/2003 c2 JJR Meerraf
Cool, :-). Fighting girls are always tight. It's a little hard to understand at parts. So this is a futuristic world with like midevil weapons? I hope I haven't messed this up completely! hehehehehe, forgive me if I have.
I loved your descriptions at the beginning, your language was so rich and imaginative, excellent!
Cool, :-). Fighting girls are always tight. It's a little hard to understand at parts. So this is a futuristic world with like midevil weapons? I hope I haven't messed this up completely! hehehehehe, forgive me if I have.
I loved your descriptions at the beginning, your language was so rich and imaginative, excellent!
12/11/2003 c1 JJR Meerraf
I have to confess, I have always tried to avoid reading fiction pieces, because they're so long, and on the computer reading them can be tedious!
But reading your stuff is marvelous! I'm already phsyced up at just reading the first chapter! I love fantasy too! I'm going to read more! You'll be hearing from me!
I have to confess, I have always tried to avoid reading fiction pieces, because they're so long, and on the computer reading them can be tedious!
But reading your stuff is marvelous! I'm already phsyced up at just reading the first chapter! I love fantasy too! I'm going to read more! You'll be hearing from me!
12/4/2003 c4 82pippin tomson
When I had finished this I really wanted to review it. I gave myself time to respond well, but I really don't know how to complement work such as this. There is nothing I can say. I really love this and I so badly want to read on. Please write on, I would love to know what happens.
I picked up on the use of some of your words. I love the ending, it's so wise.
There are great characters, already built up, as is their relationship. Even things you haven't written directly are clear. Like how Juan trusted Cherphine. Fantasic!
I love the heart felt feeling in the story. The last few sentences I kept subconciously repeating in my head, when I became aware of that, I knew I really loved the last few sentences. Don't ask me why, I just really did.
Sorry the review is so long, the longest I have written. Though, I thought for a while what I might put in the review, and I really hope you understand that I LOVE the story and can't wait to read more.
Please keep posting.
pippin
82pippin tomsonWhen I had finished this I really wanted to review it. I gave myself time to respond well, but I really don't know how to complement work such as this. There is nothing I can say. I really love this and I so badly want to read on. Please write on, I would love to know what happens.
I picked up on the use of some of your words. I love the ending, it's so wise.
There are great characters, already built up, as is their relationship. Even things you haven't written directly are clear. Like how Juan trusted Cherphine. Fantasic!
I love the heart felt feeling in the story. The last few sentences I kept subconciously repeating in my head, when I became aware of that, I knew I really loved the last few sentences. Don't ask me why, I just really did.
Sorry the review is so long, the longest I have written. Though, I thought for a while what I might put in the review, and I really hope you understand that I LOVE the story and can't wait to read more.
Please keep posting.
pippin
12/1/2003 c2 pippin tomson
It's a real shame I haven't enought time to read more, but I can't think of any words that could evewn escribe half of what I think of this. I'm truly at a wonder. I love the world you have created and The characters are magnificant as an under statement. I can't wait to read more, but can I print it off, because I don't get enough time on here to read it as I enjoy.
One of your biggest fans,
pippin
It's a real shame I haven't enought time to read more, but I can't think of any words that could evewn escribe half of what I think of this. I'm truly at a wonder. I love the world you have created and The characters are magnificant as an under statement. I can't wait to read more, but can I print it off, because I don't get enough time on here to read it as I enjoy.
One of your biggest fans,
pippin
11/25/2003 c4 21Aithne Amakiir
This one is really good...I get a little lost at times but I really enjoy the story and plot.
21Aithne AmakiirThis one is really good...I get a little lost at times but I really enjoy the story and plot.