for Ariel's Journal: For Your Eyes Only11/28/2003 c9 
1Okami Hikage
Oh! Interesting! Sharon ish cool! ^_^ Exciting as ever, Kat! Keep it up!
-Sar
PS: Ali scares meh. o.O
1Okami HikageOh! Interesting! Sharon ish cool! ^_^ Exciting as ever, Kat! Keep it up!
-Sar
PS: Ali scares meh. o.O
11/25/2003 c8 30Roadside Dryer
Very good! I think it was a grand idea to make Abdullah die, mahaahaa, mahahaa! Please write more on Subnormal paranoria, and this one.
Later author love,
Animequirk
^ ^
-he he ^* ^ 0
-he he -love love love (don't mean to frighten you, the love is in like author to author love:)
30Roadside DryerVery good! I think it was a grand idea to make Abdullah die, mahaahaa, mahahaa! Please write more on Subnormal paranoria, and this one.
Later author love,
Animequirk
^ ^
-he he ^* ^ 0
-he he -love love love (don't mean to frighten you, the love is in like author to author love:)
11/22/2003 c8 1Okami Hikage
Whoa! The first thing I was amazed at was your hospital name. My parent's work at a St. Joseph! *long dramatic gasp* That's crazy. ^_^
Iyah! Abulldah died? Too bad. I mean, besides the fact he was a tid-tad crazy and abusive, it's a shame he died. ^^;; I really wasn't expecting that. You surprised me! *dies from shock* :P
-Sara
1Okami HikageWhoa! The first thing I was amazed at was your hospital name. My parent's work at a St. Joseph! *long dramatic gasp* That's crazy. ^_^
Iyah! Abulldah died? Too bad. I mean, besides the fact he was a tid-tad crazy and abusive, it's a shame he died. ^^;; I really wasn't expecting that. You surprised me! *dies from shock* :P
-Sara
11/22/2003 c8 4enchanted-littlelies
Great story. It's really sad though. Great job though. This story is really well written. Update soon please. I can't wait to read more!
4enchanted-littleliesGreat story. It's really sad though. Great job though. This story is really well written. Update soon please. I can't wait to read more!
11/22/2003 c8 34Iris Devine
Good chapter! I can't wait to find out what's going to happen to Ariel. I never really liked Abdullah anyways... but what will his parents say? Will they somehow blame Ariel and hate her? And will she ever find out what Abdullah's plans were, what he was up to?
My two problems:
1. When you start, it seems like she's writing from the backseat of the car, but in the end she's obviously writing from the hospital. Did she stop writing for a while then start again? If so, maybe make that more clear. Also, do they usually let you have your journal while you're in the hospital? I guess it would depend what condition you were in...
2. Abdullah seemed to die and cool down pretty quickly. Well, him dying quickly isn't really a problem... people die instantly all the time. But aren't they usually warm for a while after they die?
Love ya! Keep writing!
~SqueeG~
34Iris DevineGood chapter! I can't wait to find out what's going to happen to Ariel. I never really liked Abdullah anyways... but what will his parents say? Will they somehow blame Ariel and hate her? And will she ever find out what Abdullah's plans were, what he was up to?
My two problems:
1. When you start, it seems like she's writing from the backseat of the car, but in the end she's obviously writing from the hospital. Did she stop writing for a while then start again? If so, maybe make that more clear. Also, do they usually let you have your journal while you're in the hospital? I guess it would depend what condition you were in...
2. Abdullah seemed to die and cool down pretty quickly. Well, him dying quickly isn't really a problem... people die instantly all the time. But aren't they usually warm for a while after they die?
Love ya! Keep writing!
~SqueeG~
11/19/2003 c1 7neunundneunzig
Wow...I've got this sorta love/hate relationship with abdullah. And, though it is frustrating that the reader doesn't know where the plot is going, it's actually quite engaging. so I guess it's a good idea not to lay everything out, but to choose certain parts of it. Just make sure to do the latter because if you don't hint at what's coming, or foreshadow or something, then poor souls like me will be lost and confused and wonder where this whole life is going and then slit her wrist and die. And you wouldn't want that. :)
7neunundneunzigWow...I've got this sorta love/hate relationship with abdullah. And, though it is frustrating that the reader doesn't know where the plot is going, it's actually quite engaging. so I guess it's a good idea not to lay everything out, but to choose certain parts of it. Just make sure to do the latter because if you don't hint at what's coming, or foreshadow or something, then poor souls like me will be lost and confused and wonder where this whole life is going and then slit her wrist and die. And you wouldn't want that. :)
11/18/2003 c7 1Okami Hikage
O! Me likes! Sorry it took forever for me to review, I'm just soo slow. You know me. lol. I hope Abdulluh calms down...he needs to take some anger management. o.O
-Sar
1Okami HikageO! Me likes! Sorry it took forever for me to review, I'm just soo slow. You know me. lol. I hope Abdulluh calms down...he needs to take some anger management. o.O
-Sar
11/18/2003 c7 30Roadside Dryer
Good, but how is he going to pay for gas? Oh well I'd forget that detail anywhy! Great keep going. Thanks for all the reviews.
30Roadside DryerGood, but how is he going to pay for gas? Oh well I'd forget that detail anywhy! Great keep going. Thanks for all the reviews.
11/18/2003 c6 Roadside Dryer
*smile smile* Very good. Thank you for addressing me in the chapter before. I only read becuase it is so good, no worries for you.
*smile smile* Very good. Thank you for addressing me in the chapter before. I only read becuase it is so good, no worries for you.
11/17/2003 c6 Iris Devine
gay ass fictionpress says I already reviewed this chapter... ANYHOO!
No typos! WHOO! If you keep proof-reading this good, I'm not going to be out fo a job! :'( ::sob::
I'm really getting into it. Again, your whole description of Abdullah's violent behavior followed by his apologizing and promising is really really accurate according to the domestic violence pamphlet my mom gave me last year, hee! Have you been reading up on it? Anyways, it's all kick ass and shit :D YAY!
Love ya!
~SqueeGee~
gay ass fictionpress says I already reviewed this chapter... ANYHOO!
No typos! WHOO! If you keep proof-reading this good, I'm not going to be out fo a job! :'( ::sob::
I'm really getting into it. Again, your whole description of Abdullah's violent behavior followed by his apologizing and promising is really really accurate according to the domestic violence pamphlet my mom gave me last year, hee! Have you been reading up on it? Anyways, it's all kick ass and shit :D YAY!
Love ya!
~SqueeGee~
11/16/2003 c6 34Iris Devine
"over to me and kissed my softly on the lips"
should be me
Domestic violence! You're doing a really good, realistic job at portraying this. ::thumbs up::
34Iris Devine"over to me and kissed my softly on the lips"
should be me
Domestic violence! You're doing a really good, realistic job at portraying this. ::thumbs up::
11/16/2003 c5 Iris Devine
Iris, you're just cool. Love ya!
Of course I am ^.^ You're cool too! :D You used she instead of he a few times... once when Abdullah's mom called him down and once when Ariel was talking about her dream... The plot is getting interesting! Guud job!
Iris, you're just cool. Love ya!
Of course I am ^.^ You're cool too! :D You used she instead of he a few times... once when Abdullah's mom called him down and once when Ariel was talking about her dream... The plot is getting interesting! Guud job!
11/15/2003 c4 IAmALlama
good so far; one flaw: abdullah seems to have a very close and friendly relationship with his family, which leads the reader to expect a more hesitant decision to leave his past behind. Basically, just make chapters 3/4 a little longer to allow for more motivation to run away. You also might want to add some more persoanlity description for abdullah if he's going to be a main character. Uhm...Also add some actual goals somewhere in there. Explain why they're going to manhattan, possible courses of action when they get there, etc.
good so far; one flaw: abdullah seems to have a very close and friendly relationship with his family, which leads the reader to expect a more hesitant decision to leave his past behind. Basically, just make chapters 3/4 a little longer to allow for more motivation to run away. You also might want to add some more persoanlity description for abdullah if he's going to be a main character. Uhm...Also add some actual goals somewhere in there. Explain why they're going to manhattan, possible courses of action when they get there, etc.