for Some Day In Seran4/8/2004 c3 
16grim'alkin
orin is interested in fern? hmm, now i'm interested. keep going. i'm a fluff monster. . .newly hatched. . . and i'm hungry. ^^;;
16grim'alkinorin is interested in fern? hmm, now i'm interested. keep going. i'm a fluff monster. . .newly hatched. . . and i'm hungry. ^^;;
1/14/2004 c2 1AngelaRB
Gah, I feel like scum for not reviewing your other story yet. And allow me to simply say that your talent is just dazzling. I wish I could write like you. :)
1AngelaRBGah, I feel like scum for not reviewing your other story yet. And allow me to simply say that your talent is just dazzling. I wish I could write like you. :)
12/18/2003 c2 1Machinegungirl
Destiny here, nice fic Tormented Soul! The first chapter kinda creeped me out at first but this fic is wicked cool! ^^ Damn, I'm gonna add this in my favorite story's list! I understand that it took you one week to do this great chapter, besides, it's hard to write and study, ne? Oh shit gotta go, Early Merry Christmas to you
1MachinegungirlDestiny here, nice fic Tormented Soul! The first chapter kinda creeped me out at first but this fic is wicked cool! ^^ Damn, I'm gonna add this in my favorite story's list! I understand that it took you one week to do this great chapter, besides, it's hard to write and study, ne? Oh shit gotta go, Early Merry Christmas to you
12/9/2003 c2 16grim'alkin
HULLO! yes, now time to make you bloody BLEED!
[i'm warning you now- you will bleed]
par 1: creates a great picture in the mind. v.good
[gasps] HOLY CRIPS- CHEST. . . la lang
[sweatdrop] can you believe i thought Adrian was a girl at first. . . sheesh. . .
in the parag. starting with "Orin, we. . . etc. etc- look at the third sentence, 'causing Orin to bump into his back' shouldn't that be bumped into him? [dunno, just thought]
and the next sentence after that '"i'll always be behind you back" ' shouldn't that be, plainly, ' "behind you" ' ?
the parag, starting with ' "it is good. . . . etc. etc.
the last sentence of that paragraph- liege should be Lord. Liege means. . what? um, if you say someone's your liege, doesn't that mean your his/her's master? Lord? Therefore, if the Guardians are VIPs [so to speak] Orin should call them 'Lords' instead of 'Liege'. Orin is THEIR liege-man
i would suggest that instead of being 50 centuries, make it about 50 decades ago. 50 centures seems TOO long [sakin lang un. . . la lang, just, a suggestion. Am i getting cruel here?]
*cheers* YAY a grey haired man! LIKE GANDALF!
~/~
well, i'm done with the blood. very good, still- i think that the charcters are a bit too descriptive. I like the way that you described. [delving into great detail]
NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE [SPECIALLY THE AUTHOR] hey, this is to help you improve right?
Still, all in all, good chappie!
HOPING FOR MORE SOON!
~ja~
16grim'alkinHULLO! yes, now time to make you bloody BLEED!
[i'm warning you now- you will bleed]
par 1: creates a great picture in the mind. v.good
[gasps] HOLY CRIPS- CHEST. . . la lang
[sweatdrop] can you believe i thought Adrian was a girl at first. . . sheesh. . .
in the parag. starting with "Orin, we. . . etc. etc- look at the third sentence, 'causing Orin to bump into his back' shouldn't that be bumped into him? [dunno, just thought]
and the next sentence after that '"i'll always be behind you back" ' shouldn't that be, plainly, ' "behind you" ' ?
the parag, starting with ' "it is good. . . . etc. etc.
the last sentence of that paragraph- liege should be Lord. Liege means. . what? um, if you say someone's your liege, doesn't that mean your his/her's master? Lord? Therefore, if the Guardians are VIPs [so to speak] Orin should call them 'Lords' instead of 'Liege'. Orin is THEIR liege-man
i would suggest that instead of being 50 centuries, make it about 50 decades ago. 50 centures seems TOO long [sakin lang un. . . la lang, just, a suggestion. Am i getting cruel here?]
*cheers* YAY a grey haired man! LIKE GANDALF!
~/~
well, i'm done with the blood. very good, still- i think that the charcters are a bit too descriptive. I like the way that you described. [delving into great detail]
NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE [SPECIALLY THE AUTHOR] hey, this is to help you improve right?
Still, all in all, good chappie!
HOPING FOR MORE SOON!
~ja~
11/27/2003 c1 4crimson-crawler
hello again!
Ruby poyou here ^_^ interesting story there and a thriller too! One thing about the settings though, I was a little confused if its modernx2, medieval or mixture? Anywayz tell me the answers and pls update both the manga and fic :] Thanks!
4crimson-crawlerhello again!
Ruby poyou here ^_^ interesting story there and a thriller too! One thing about the settings though, I was a little confused if its modernx2, medieval or mixture? Anywayz tell me the answers and pls update both the manga and fic :] Thanks!
11/26/2003 c1 16grim'alkin
Holy Crips! long chapter!
paragraph two: OMGulay your character sounds like Celeborn in LotR! (flowing silver hair and all)- but the mirror sounds like the mirror Erised in HP.
You write with a lot of detail- all necessary, i think. very good. No wordiness here. . .
spectacular!
look at the 6th paragraph- the word "night" was used twice- avoid that. it makes the word sound redundant.
separate " i wanted to die." make it another sentence to achieve a more 'dramatic' effect. (in my opinion)
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! demon empire, great- sounds like you! I HUNGER for further chapters!
very nicely done. i commend you. hurry up with the rest so that i don't go hungry. . .i'm a vampire! feed me, tormented soul!
ahahahahahahahahha
this is definately going in my fav. list!
16grim'alkinHoly Crips! long chapter!
paragraph two: OMGulay your character sounds like Celeborn in LotR! (flowing silver hair and all)- but the mirror sounds like the mirror Erised in HP.
You write with a lot of detail- all necessary, i think. very good. No wordiness here. . .
spectacular!
look at the 6th paragraph- the word "night" was used twice- avoid that. it makes the word sound redundant.
separate " i wanted to die." make it another sentence to achieve a more 'dramatic' effect. (in my opinion)
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! demon empire, great- sounds like you! I HUNGER for further chapters!
very nicely done. i commend you. hurry up with the rest so that i don't go hungry. . .i'm a vampire! feed me, tormented soul!
ahahahahahahahahha
this is definately going in my fav. list!
11/25/2003 c1 psyche-prodigy
GREAT STORY! ^_^ Really descriptive on the characters and their actions. Keep it up!
GREAT STORY! ^_^ Really descriptive on the characters and their actions. Keep it up!