for Snowflake Pendant10/13/2005 c1 
5Raniphae
Really... lovely.Perhaps that isn't the word normally assigned to the hard truths here, but that's what I think of. It is quiet, contemplative, honest, and true (not necessarily literally; I can't claim to know that much about you... that would be creepy...)
If I were to make any suggestion, I would say to change the last sentence - something about the word "for" at the start doesn't fit with the tone of the rest of the piece, and disrupts the flow. I think it would make a big difference to simply delete it and have the sentence be "He was my mother's fiance."
5RaniphaeReally... lovely.Perhaps that isn't the word normally assigned to the hard truths here, but that's what I think of. It is quiet, contemplative, honest, and true (not necessarily literally; I can't claim to know that much about you... that would be creepy...)
If I were to make any suggestion, I would say to change the last sentence - something about the word "for" at the start doesn't fit with the tone of the rest of the piece, and disrupts the flow. I think it would make a big difference to simply delete it and have the sentence be "He was my mother's fiance."
5/10/2005 c1 12Arrow's Flight
Wow. This is a beautiful and haunting short story. It really captures the thoughts behind that pendant. It is really touching. I hope to read more by you.
-Arrow's Flight-
I've even added it to my favorite stories list.
12Arrow's FlightWow. This is a beautiful and haunting short story. It really captures the thoughts behind that pendant. It is really touching. I hope to read more by you.
-Arrow's Flight-
I've even added it to my favorite stories list.
12/30/2004 c1 David Stephen
Wow - this was so short and yet so powerful. The title, and the way you have mixed the story with the weather and also the actual gift which caused the protagonist to think about her mothers fiancee is brilliant! I also think the timidness and the, quite fragile state of the character is very well thought out, the line 'He did more really, but I don’t want to mention those things' really reflects the way the character feels towards him - but not only that - it also suggests things. You have left a gap, which the reader fills in - and this is most of the time more powerful than saying what happens, because it is suggesting. Absolutely brilliant - I love it. Actually, *clicking 'Add story to my Favourite Stories list' box* Well done! Brilliant! Keep at it! ~DS~
Wow - this was so short and yet so powerful. The title, and the way you have mixed the story with the weather and also the actual gift which caused the protagonist to think about her mothers fiancee is brilliant! I also think the timidness and the, quite fragile state of the character is very well thought out, the line 'He did more really, but I don’t want to mention those things' really reflects the way the character feels towards him - but not only that - it also suggests things. You have left a gap, which the reader fills in - and this is most of the time more powerful than saying what happens, because it is suggesting. Absolutely brilliant - I love it. Actually, *clicking 'Add story to my Favourite Stories list' box* Well done! Brilliant! Keep at it! ~DS~
10/29/2004 c1 24katmonkey
Wow, really deep and emotional. Tis going on my favorites! :D
Luv lime-girl
24katmonkeyWow, really deep and emotional. Tis going on my favorites! :D
Luv lime-girl
12/1/2003 c1 Tweek
Thats very good.
~Tweek~
Thats very good.
~Tweek~
12/1/2003 c1 13XxDragon Princess NikkixX
Oh. That gave me goosebumps. *sniff* That didn't happen to you, did it? I'm so sorry if it did. *sob* it was very interesting and touching. Nice job.
Nikki
13XxDragon Princess NikkixXOh. That gave me goosebumps. *sniff* That didn't happen to you, did it? I'm so sorry if it did. *sob* it was very interesting and touching. Nice job.
Nikki