for Coming Out Of Her Shell9/18/2004 c1 Ferrard Carson
A very poinient telling of a dream of many a person. It's a one in a hundred chance of this happening, but when it does, the world revolves around them. Well done.
- Teddy
A very poinient telling of a dream of many a person. It's a one in a hundred chance of this happening, but when it does, the world revolves around them. Well done.
- Teddy
12/5/2003 c1 
6MrFlames
I can't see the characters at all. This feels more like a prologue than a story. You only have mild images, a few thoughts, and a few sounds, and your plot isn't stunning. "Oh no! Lesbians exist in the world! Nwo wree alla gonna diee!" I wish I could say there is some saving element to this story, but there is not. I would suggest expanding it and building it up, but really, you need to rewrite this whole thing to make it at all acceptable.
6MrFlamesI can't see the characters at all. This feels more like a prologue than a story. You only have mild images, a few thoughts, and a few sounds, and your plot isn't stunning. "Oh no! Lesbians exist in the world! Nwo wree alla gonna diee!" I wish I could say there is some saving element to this story, but there is not. I would suggest expanding it and building it up, but really, you need to rewrite this whole thing to make it at all acceptable.
12/3/2003 c1 6Onion Ring
I am writing a story with the same concept sort of.. it's called "Love: Spiral of Destruction" but it is a lot more deep. well of course i like the concept and im asuming this is a one shot since you wrote the end... hmm i think you could have made this a bit longer by adding more descriptions like how the parents reacted to her being gay and stuff. but it is still good nevertheless. Go check out my fictions if you have th etime and keep writing
6Onion RingI am writing a story with the same concept sort of.. it's called "Love: Spiral of Destruction" but it is a lot more deep. well of course i like the concept and im asuming this is a one shot since you wrote the end... hmm i think you could have made this a bit longer by adding more descriptions like how the parents reacted to her being gay and stuff. but it is still good nevertheless. Go check out my fictions if you have th etime and keep writing
12/3/2003 c1 169Siberia82
I remembered your Christmas poem, so I thought I would check this out. It's an excellent story. The length may be short, but the theme is very poignant. I was extremely moved by their love, and it's sad that Victoria's parents can't accept her the way she is. (My folks are bigots, too, so I can relate.)
I do have a suggestion though; maybe you can reveal at the end that the love of Victoria's life is a woman? I think it would make it more intriguing. Alexandra is often referred to as "Alex", so you could get away with it. But hey, that's just my opinion
I have short story called "Wedding Day"; maybe you would like to take a look? Please? :)
169Siberia82I remembered your Christmas poem, so I thought I would check this out. It's an excellent story. The length may be short, but the theme is very poignant. I was extremely moved by their love, and it's sad that Victoria's parents can't accept her the way she is. (My folks are bigots, too, so I can relate.)
I do have a suggestion though; maybe you can reveal at the end that the love of Victoria's life is a woman? I think it would make it more intriguing. Alexandra is often referred to as "Alex", so you could get away with it. But hey, that's just my opinion
I have short story called "Wedding Day"; maybe you would like to take a look? Please? :)