for Its a dream come true4/1/2004 c1 
19SubliminalMsgs
ok...this was a little boring...i cant say how exactly u can improve it...but i think maybe similies, metaphors...stuff like that may help..
19SubliminalMsgsok...this was a little boring...i cant say how exactly u can improve it...but i think maybe similies, metaphors...stuff like that may help..
1/20/2004 c1 9Gethsemane of the Stream
Man! I wish I had something to say that could help you to improve on your writing...but I can't. You're stuff is already perfect in this one!
You rock.
_
Will kill for money,
Gethsemane of the stream
9Gethsemane of the StreamMan! I wish I had something to say that could help you to improve on your writing...but I can't. You're stuff is already perfect in this one!
You rock.
_
Will kill for money,
Gethsemane of the stream
1/14/2004 c1 10AngelaiR
woah, umm sorry, but you may want to reconsider having this posted on the net. I am not trying to be rude, but it seems you need to take a bit longer to think of some good vocabulary words in which you could fit it. Way over punctuated and not a very good flow. Try reading this through without having to pause or without stumbling over you words, re-write it till you can do so, you'd be surprised how much better it has become:D good luck.
10AngelaiRwoah, umm sorry, but you may want to reconsider having this posted on the net. I am not trying to be rude, but it seems you need to take a bit longer to think of some good vocabulary words in which you could fit it. Way over punctuated and not a very good flow. Try reading this through without having to pause or without stumbling over you words, re-write it till you can do so, you'd be surprised how much better it has become:D good luck.
1/4/2004 c1 41Arreis Kurai
your poem is so true...if only dreams came true...neways...i like your poem and the flow to it...
~*Arreis Kurai*~
41Arreis Kuraiyour poem is so true...if only dreams came true...neways...i like your poem and the flow to it...
~*Arreis Kurai*~
12/27/2003 c1 MindTear
well, you start out rhyming, but end that rather quickly. this is actually not a terrible poem, but not nearly as good as the people reviewing it before me say it is. again you comma this and ruin your message. you say dream four times, and don't vary your word choice at all. how boring. use metaphors, imagery, descriptions, anything to make this not a waste of time to read.
well, you start out rhyming, but end that rather quickly. this is actually not a terrible poem, but not nearly as good as the people reviewing it before me say it is. again you comma this and ruin your message. you say dream four times, and don't vary your word choice at all. how boring. use metaphors, imagery, descriptions, anything to make this not a waste of time to read.
12/26/2003 c1 8everlasting-euporia
i like what youre saying. i like the fact that you pointed out that when things happen that you could have been dreaming for a long time, there are hardly close to what you imagined. wow...
8everlasting-euporiai like what youre saying. i like the fact that you pointed out that when things happen that you could have been dreaming for a long time, there are hardly close to what you imagined. wow...
12/10/2003 c1 79deepdown
firstly i would like to say THANKYOU for all your lovely lovely reviews. you ended a drought of reviews... i was very sad :'( but now im happy!
sorry, about the poem... its very good, filled with such hope... aah... im in an IT lesson, so ive got to go now... well done girlie!
79deepdownfirstly i would like to say THANKYOU for all your lovely lovely reviews. you ended a drought of reviews... i was very sad :'( but now im happy!
sorry, about the poem... its very good, filled with such hope... aah... im in an IT lesson, so ive got to go now... well done girlie!
12/8/2003 c1 22MadMorrow
You've captured the harshness of reality vs the glossy purity of a dream.
Has the feeling of the whole 'Be careful what you wish for' sentiment, or perhaps the dreamer settled for something they thought was the ideal only to later find the flaws their hope had them gloss over.
But what is an unfulfilled hope, is it so much better than something with actual substance? An interesting perspective.
22MadMorrowYou've captured the harshness of reality vs the glossy purity of a dream.
Has the feeling of the whole 'Be careful what you wish for' sentiment, or perhaps the dreamer settled for something they thought was the ideal only to later find the flaws their hope had them gloss over.
But what is an unfulfilled hope, is it so much better than something with actual substance? An interesting perspective.
12/3/2003 c1 612simpleplan13
ok I odnt like how sometimes I is lovercase & sometimes it capatalized.. its an interesting poem... everyone feels like that sometimes
612simpleplan13ok I odnt like how sometimes I is lovercase & sometimes it capatalized.. its an interesting poem... everyone feels like that sometimes