for Forest Play12/5/2003 c1 
6MrFlames
Dancing amongst the trees
Laughing all day through
-You might maintain your flow more with "Dancing among the trees"
Haunting the swamps
Trekking through the bogs
-Your first line here breaks with the flow presented earlier on. Perhaps "Haunting in the swamps" if you want to copy what you did before.
We’ve had our fun & games
So back home we must go
That last line sounds choppy.
Overall, not horrible, but not great. It doesn't make me feel much and the rhyme scheme is unamusing.
6MrFlamesDancing amongst the trees
Laughing all day through
-You might maintain your flow more with "Dancing among the trees"
Haunting the swamps
Trekking through the bogs
-Your first line here breaks with the flow presented earlier on. Perhaps "Haunting in the swamps" if you want to copy what you did before.
We’ve had our fun & games
So back home we must go
That last line sounds choppy.
Overall, not horrible, but not great. It doesn't make me feel much and the rhyme scheme is unamusing.
12/5/2003 c1 106cosmo-queen
This is good. The simplicity of the poem is effective because life amongst nature is simple. At least, that's my take on it. Keep writing :)
*cosmo-queen*
106cosmo-queenThis is good. The simplicity of the poem is effective because life amongst nature is simple. At least, that's my take on it. Keep writing :)
*cosmo-queen*