for Birth Right2/16/2004 c10 Hioga-chan
Heyo! We were reading this yesterday and we got all into it and it was kinda scary, but you're a pretty good writer and we're impressed with this story! It's really interesting! You said you're open to constructive criticism (finally! the FF.net writers don't appreciate ours ... or anyone elses ...), and we don't really have anything big to say, but we noticed that your verb tenses don't really agree. During your flashback, it switched to the present (she reaches toward the glass) from the past (she reached toward the glass), which is where it should have been. No offense meant, and we'll check back for updates!
Heyo! We were reading this yesterday and we got all into it and it was kinda scary, but you're a pretty good writer and we're impressed with this story! It's really interesting! You said you're open to constructive criticism (finally! the FF.net writers don't appreciate ours ... or anyone elses ...), and we don't really have anything big to say, but we noticed that your verb tenses don't really agree. During your flashback, it switched to the present (she reaches toward the glass) from the past (she reached toward the glass), which is where it should have been. No offense meant, and we'll check back for updates!
2/15/2004 c10 
38Papillon Sierra
aw they're so cute! they should definitely end up together (aleck and ali, i mean). andrew is... ugh
38Papillon Sierraaw they're so cute! they should definitely end up together (aleck and ali, i mean). andrew is... ugh
2/15/2004 c10 Friend48
I loved the way that you described the scene from the balcony and the lights from the railing. It really made me feel like I was there. It's amazing how Andrew can go from being semi-romantic to such a complete pain, I would go insane if I were to be married to him. Jeeze, with the way he was acting, I would have hit him. Hm, why was Aleck not celebrating with the rest? Is he not happy for his sister? Yay! Ali kissed Aleck! Yay! All in all, the chapter was excellent and flowed very well. I love the cliffhanger at the end.
I loved the way that you described the scene from the balcony and the lights from the railing. It really made me feel like I was there. It's amazing how Andrew can go from being semi-romantic to such a complete pain, I would go insane if I were to be married to him. Jeeze, with the way he was acting, I would have hit him. Hm, why was Aleck not celebrating with the rest? Is he not happy for his sister? Yay! Ali kissed Aleck! Yay! All in all, the chapter was excellent and flowed very well. I love the cliffhanger at the end.
2/8/2004 c9 27MoonWinged-Faerie
I loved her stepping on Andrew! An went she hauled off and hit that instuctor, whoo-boy I was actually clapping. lol Great chapter, update soon!
27MoonWinged-FaerieI loved her stepping on Andrew! An went she hauled off and hit that instuctor, whoo-boy I was actually clapping. lol Great chapter, update soon!
1/26/2004 c8 27MoonWinged-Faerie
Her brother is a traitor! **gasp** I want Aleck! Well...her and Aleck should get together, it's fate! lol Wondeful chapter, yet again...I know you're looking for constructive criticism, but all I'm seeing is goodness. Keep up what you're doing! It's keeping me interested and that's a miracle in itself ^_~
27MoonWinged-FaerieHer brother is a traitor! **gasp** I want Aleck! Well...her and Aleck should get together, it's fate! lol Wondeful chapter, yet again...I know you're looking for constructive criticism, but all I'm seeing is goodness. Keep up what you're doing! It's keeping me interested and that's a miracle in itself ^_~
1/13/2004 c7 Papillon Sierra
that was great! i absolutely love your characters. Just proofread a little bit... but very good besides that!
that was great! i absolutely love your characters. Just proofread a little bit... but very good besides that!
1/8/2004 c6 Papillon Sierra
well.. andrew's actually being a little sweet... but there is definitely something creepy going on there *throws a grapefruit and andrew and his dad* evil people! I can't wait to see what happens!
well.. andrew's actually being a little sweet... but there is definitely something creepy going on there *throws a grapefruit and andrew and his dad* evil people! I can't wait to see what happens!
1/8/2004 c6 Friend48
Wow, it really seemed like Andrew loved her there for a minute. But that can't happen becaues it seems like Aleck is falling in love with her. It also kinda seems like Andrew doesn't want to do the thing that his dad wants him to do, whatever that may be.
Wow, it really seemed like Andrew loved her there for a minute. But that can't happen becaues it seems like Aleck is falling in love with her. It also kinda seems like Andrew doesn't want to do the thing that his dad wants him to do, whatever that may be.
1/4/2004 c5 Papillon Sierra
I loved that chapter. The whole ring thing was nice and deep and meaningful... plus I'm suspecting that Aleck is in love with her maybe? He should run away with her and be with her forever... oh, and there should be a tracking device in the ring that makes it so Andrew can follow them and be evil! yay! those are my suggestions... but a very good chapter. I'm enjoying this story very much
I loved that chapter. The whole ring thing was nice and deep and meaningful... plus I'm suspecting that Aleck is in love with her maybe? He should run away with her and be with her forever... oh, and there should be a tracking device in the ring that makes it so Andrew can follow them and be evil! yay! those are my suggestions... but a very good chapter. I'm enjoying this story very much