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for Royally Wrong

4/6/2004 c1 6Nai Nebel
Very wrong... I agree. It's so sad when such a thing happens... And such things make me hate my gender. It's well written, and sounds very good... just so sad... I hate how this happens to so many...
1/29/2004 c1 7mesfab
Sorry that it's been a while since I've done any reviewing. Anyways, this was another one of your excellent poems. Relationships can suck some of the time, and it's hard to put into words but you did a great job of it.
1/29/2004 c1 69darkstar-rising
a bit graphic at the first stanza i thought, however, it could be considered to be in keeping with the rest of the poem [foreshadowing, i think its called, bah, who cares about the technicalities.]
I especially liked the
It was a clever physical image, and a nice break in the poem.
I'd be inclined to disagree with "Mind-Tear" when they suggested that you change the gothic princess into a common street whore. i feel more sympathy for the "i" of the poem with it as it is, rather than the suggestion.
one of the better "love gone bad" poems that i've read.
1/5/2004 c1 47the seventh seal
This was another gerat poem Namir. I think maybe one of my favorites... I think. Keep 'em coming...
1/4/2004 c1 13Lil Lalita
Nice. The poem's as catchy as the title.
~Lil Lalita
12/23/2003 c1 Dawnspirit
Namir, this poem has been put in the spotlight! Well done! :)
12/20/2003 c1 169Transparent Cherub
this is great. you have so many poems i don't know which ones to read. i suppose i could read them all but that would be very time consuming. could you suggest maybe ten or so of your most excellent? that would be great.
12/19/2003 c1 121Seeker of the Way
YAY! This was a good metaphor. It actually reminds me of two of my more controversial (passionate, true?) poems!
"gothic princess" is like the first chapter of "An Angel Demonized"!
and about the castle - I forget.
Shoot! Nevermind. I've got a few interesting ones you may like. Trapped in teh tower, the Robin Hood one, and if you read An Angel, you HAVE to read De Demon and of course Razor Sharp Kisses "Sin".
Sorry, I didn't mean to advertise!
12/14/2003 c1 8Rosa Vernal
god, that's sad... that's why i refuse to have 1 night stands anymore... i don't want to hurt people like that...yeah
12/13/2003 c1 MindTear
I just R&Red your essay "Gay is okay!" and decided to check out some of your other stuff. Well, i have a few comments on this one...
The metaphor of the scepter is really obvious and more than a bit cheesy. the fact that he placed it inside of you doesn't make sense unless it is sexual. the metaphor doesn't seem to work. typically scepters are weapons...so if he placed it inside of you...you'd be hurt. and die. the scepter taking off with your precious treasure. virginity. obvious. some sense of subtlety is really needed here, and definitely a new metaphor... a scepter taking off with your treasure? doesn't make sense in its own context. metaphors are typically used to elaborate and describe feelings and not actions...and the scepter taking off with treasure is an obvious action
the gothic princess (hmm, the girl he's with.) You're obviously mad at her...so don't describe her as a princess, and then debase her with gothic, it appears a contradiction. perhaps a common street-whore would work, seeing as how princes in history were used to getting their ways with street women. (Prince charming- what an awful clichè... and plus he's obviously not such a prince charming anyway. change change change. yuck) then of course, he'd be building her a kingdom instead of uniting one. yours could then still sink and then hers could still be raised. existance should be existence.
Other than those things, your imagery is okay. it flows the best the last two stanzas, with the metaphor of the stars providing a good description of feeling. (instead of an action like your earlier one did.)
12/13/2003 c1 K.G. Hollingsworth
Very nice. I'll have to read some more of your stuff now. Evil. Although your profile is insanely long, so I might just get bored and read it sometime... Should occupy a fair bit of time in itself.
12/7/2003 c1 74estrela
i like the format and the imagery. it's so sad though... i like it anyway! ^_^
12/7/2003 c1 119Evelyn Hayden
Very good.
^_^ another great one.
^_^ Evie.
12/5/2003 c1 Medea3
I love the metaphors and the style.
I hope eventually what happened stops hurting so much.
Keep writing, you're incredibly talented!
12/5/2003 c1 612simpleplan13
should the last line be fog not bog? lol
I love hte format & the metaphor awesome poem
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