for The Spirit's Passing6/6/2006 c1 
31Shadow Gryphon
Hm... I can't see why anyone would be particularily happy to die, actually, so this pretty much matches my opinion of death. I'm not that fond of free verse, but it's still nice.
31Shadow GryphonHm... I can't see why anyone would be particularily happy to die, actually, so this pretty much matches my opinion of death. I'm not that fond of free verse, but it's still nice.
2/20/2006 c1 10PaintingTheSkyRed
It's not awful... Confusing but not awful. Like you said, it wasn't well written. But also as you said. It is a rough draft. Don't give up hope on this poem! :3
10PaintingTheSkyRedIt's not awful... Confusing but not awful. Like you said, it wasn't well written. But also as you said. It is a rough draft. Don't give up hope on this poem! :3
1/22/2006 c1 29Marioh
I like the initial part of the poem, but i dont feel her transition period of accepting the ''masters'' command. I feel he is Death, so if that is ur purpose, it is very efficient at it. The poem is good as it is, but it has potential for greatness. Just make the reader see her transition clearer, and the poem will be great. Good work!
29MariohI like the initial part of the poem, but i dont feel her transition period of accepting the ''masters'' command. I feel he is Death, so if that is ur purpose, it is very efficient at it. The poem is good as it is, but it has potential for greatness. Just make the reader see her transition clearer, and the poem will be great. Good work!
1/19/2006 c1 3emily ecstacy
Hm.. I like it. I think that's how most people feel about death. At first they resist, they're scared; but then there comes a point where they accept it and decide it's their time to go. Umm.. as for critisizm.. I don't like to be a critic, because I feel like I'm putting my ability above yours when that is truly not the case, but I do think the ending feels a little rushed.. but maybe that can be a good thing. Like you don't have much time when you're dying, and it happens suddenly, just like the poem ends suddenly.
By the way, thanks for the interest in my story. I updated it, and I'm really into it, so I should be updating it frequently. :))
3emily ecstacyHm.. I like it. I think that's how most people feel about death. At first they resist, they're scared; but then there comes a point where they accept it and decide it's their time to go. Umm.. as for critisizm.. I don't like to be a critic, because I feel like I'm putting my ability above yours when that is truly not the case, but I do think the ending feels a little rushed.. but maybe that can be a good thing. Like you don't have much time when you're dying, and it happens suddenly, just like the poem ends suddenly.
By the way, thanks for the interest in my story. I updated it, and I'm really into it, so I should be updating it frequently. :))
2/25/2004 c1 11KathrynJ
Actually I like it. I find it gives me the sense of an ancient time and place. Of life sent assunder.. mystical.. life is cut short and was perhaps wasted. Well done.
11KathrynJActually I like it. I find it gives me the sense of an ancient time and place. Of life sent assunder.. mystical.. life is cut short and was perhaps wasted. Well done.
2/11/2004 c1 yvras sotuvs
this poem's got a lot of potential..just a few more revisions and..there ya go.
nyweiz..you've got a good way of keeping the reader in their seats..[getz mo?] it's not only evident in this peom but in the other ones as well.. btw, nice writing style..you should use that more often..
this poem's got a lot of potential..just a few more revisions and..there ya go.
nyweiz..you've got a good way of keeping the reader in their seats..[getz mo?] it's not only evident in this peom but in the other ones as well.. btw, nice writing style..you should use that more often..