for On the Other Side of the Mirror5/27/2005 c1 Lady Draki
Please do add 2 your storyIts good, but the you might want to work on the parts w/ Nateis he someone you know? (sounds like it)
Please do add 2 your storyIts good, but the you might want to work on the parts w/ Nateis he someone you know? (sounds like it)
2/19/2004 c2 me
hey! you got a nice story there! but i think the first part goes a little bit too fast! how come all of a sudden nave kisses calypsa? but besides that..its pretty good!
hey! you got a nice story there! but i think the first part goes a little bit too fast! how come all of a sudden nave kisses calypsa? but besides that..its pretty good!
1/13/2004 c3 
9MBHayler
It's coming along nicely =) I'm so glad yr gettin into writing. I hate to criticise, (who am I to criticise? 0.o my work smells...bad..) Would you do another poem? Plz? ^_^ I liked yr last one! EEK, gtg, school bell. ^_^
9MBHaylerIt's coming along nicely =) I'm so glad yr gettin into writing. I hate to criticise, (who am I to criticise? 0.o my work smells...bad..) Would you do another poem? Plz? ^_^ I liked yr last one! EEK, gtg, school bell. ^_^
12/11/2003 c3 Guest
i think u have a plot going in ur mind but just don't have a good way of getting it across...for one thing, you didn't say ANYTHING about the dream...so me as a reader reading it, i'm thinking what dream? who cares? also, ur plot needs to move a little... it seems like nothing is going on and it's just...there...if u knw what i mean...
i think u have a plot going in ur mind but just don't have a good way of getting it across...for one thing, you didn't say ANYTHING about the dream...so me as a reader reading it, i'm thinking what dream? who cares? also, ur plot needs to move a little... it seems like nothing is going on and it's just...there...if u knw what i mean...
12/11/2003 c3 7Aisatsana
hey ... you really need to work charecter development for this chapter.. also the reader has absolutely no idea why Calypsa is so scared.. You really needed to explain the dream .. it doesn't make sense for your chrecters to react with such horror to some random guy they saw on the street...
7Aisatsanahey ... you really need to work charecter development for this chapter.. also the reader has absolutely no idea why Calypsa is so scared.. You really needed to explain the dream .. it doesn't make sense for your chrecters to react with such horror to some random guy they saw on the street...
12/11/2003 c2 Aisatsana
hey!
I like the general idea of the story, but ur grammar is a bit off. . Also, I think ur description needs a bit of work.. u need to be more descriptive of the man in black.. (i.e. his eyes glinted evily etc.) i dunno just something more.. also the part where she "remembered the dream she had last night. Guess what it was about? Yup, the man." needs something more.. like you need to describe the dream or something...
well hope this was helpful!
please review me as well! I just joined fiction press.. so please review!
hey!
I like the general idea of the story, but ur grammar is a bit off. . Also, I think ur description needs a bit of work.. u need to be more descriptive of the man in black.. (i.e. his eyes glinted evily etc.) i dunno just something more.. also the part where she "remembered the dream she had last night. Guess what it was about? Yup, the man." needs something more.. like you need to describe the dream or something...
well hope this was helpful!
please review me as well! I just joined fiction press.. so please review!
12/11/2003 c2 Guest
ok...if u meant it to be a little eerie about the dream and bad guy part...it obviously didn't work...it doesn't sound scary...u could've started with the dream first then bring it up later...or sumthin like that...the part "guess what it was about? yup, the man." is kinda anti-climatic...u could've started describing the dream instead...in a scary way...
ok...if u meant it to be a little eerie about the dream and bad guy part...it obviously didn't work...it doesn't sound scary...u could've started with the dream first then bring it up later...or sumthin like that...the part "guess what it was about? yup, the man." is kinda anti-climatic...u could've started describing the dream instead...in a scary way...
12/10/2003 c3 1Aidyn Valo
gettin better. it's certainly coming along well. and to all the other reviewers, please review my story. I only have one cuz my other one sucked. I need reviews *hides in corner*
1Aidyn Valogettin better. it's certainly coming along well. and to all the other reviewers, please review my story. I only have one cuz my other one sucked. I need reviews *hides in corner*
12/10/2003 c3 29aode
This is getting really exciting! Keep on writing!
get the next chapter on, quick!
29aodeThis is getting really exciting! Keep on writing!
get the next chapter on, quick!
12/10/2003 c3 7Samurai Jade
Yay! I'm so glad you updated! This story is beginning to grow! This story is becoming steadily engrossing. I can't wait till your next update! I've also added this story into my favorite stories list! ^_^
7Samurai JadeYay! I'm so glad you updated! This story is beginning to grow! This story is becoming steadily engrossing. I can't wait till your next update! I've also added this story into my favorite stories list! ^_^
12/10/2003 c3 25Insomnis Veritas
O.O Wow! This is great! Get another chapie up soon! ^-^
Huggles
Moonlit Evanescence
p.s pl plz plz take a look at my other work1
25Insomnis VeritasO.O Wow! This is great! Get another chapie up soon! ^-^
Huggles
Moonlit Evanescence
p.s pl plz plz take a look at my other work1
12/10/2003 c1 4AAGoddess-of-the-Ocean
To Anon:
lol thanks for your opinion! if you don't like my story though, i'd appreciate it if you help me with ideas to improve it... ;) Thanks for your review! :)
~*SkY*~
4AAGoddess-of-the-OceanTo Anon:
lol thanks for your opinion! if you don't like my story though, i'd appreciate it if you help me with ideas to improve it... ;) Thanks for your review! :)
~*SkY*~
12/10/2003 c1 Guest
u definitely can improve more...personally i think ur story is pretty bad...it doesn't make sense and is unrealistical...and what kinda name is Navy?
u definitely can improve more...personally i think ur story is pretty bad...it doesn't make sense and is unrealistical...and what kinda name is Navy?
12/9/2003 c2 1Aidyn Valo
good story. very involving. And I'll fix the 7 years to 3 years error in TotB. Waitin for more of this story and you are now going on my favorite authors list.
1Aidyn Valogood story. very involving. And I'll fix the 7 years to 3 years error in TotB. Waitin for more of this story and you are now going on my favorite authors list.