for Monsters Under the Bed1/3/2004 c1 
63Tormented Romantic
wow, geez what is there to say about his? it's EXTREMELY well written and although I think the "mosters under the bed" metaphor could've been extended a little bit it was used very well. The entire thing flowed very well and the line breaks were perfect...nicely done.
-Tormented Romantic-
63Tormented Romanticwow, geez what is there to say about his? it's EXTREMELY well written and although I think the "mosters under the bed" metaphor could've been extended a little bit it was used very well. The entire thing flowed very well and the line breaks were perfect...nicely done.
-Tormented Romantic-
12/26/2003 c1 232karmakaze
That's really touching, and I liked your ability to tie everything up the way you did when you made the monsters the parents. That's sort of how one of my old friends lived. It's so sad...
232karmakazeThat's really touching, and I liked your ability to tie everything up the way you did when you made the monsters the parents. That's sort of how one of my old friends lived. It's so sad...
12/6/2003 c1 90SweetGrape
Excellent idea- well written. Rhyming scheme is interesting.
You invite the reader in with something you can chuckle at or relate to- 'Monsters under the bed'
And then a young girls ambitions, full of hope and imagination. And the growing up seems like a terrible thing that's simply inevitable, but also that she's being pressured into it by her parents.
'She lets go'- it's like she's given up- it's so depressing.
And now you can't go back and things just get worse- this is a very powerful poem.
Now that you've hurt her, she doesn't want you. She can't be who she was and she'll never be who you want her to be.
And they realise it's their fault.
90SweetGrapeExcellent idea- well written. Rhyming scheme is interesting.
You invite the reader in with something you can chuckle at or relate to- 'Monsters under the bed'
And then a young girls ambitions, full of hope and imagination. And the growing up seems like a terrible thing that's simply inevitable, but also that she's being pressured into it by her parents.
'She lets go'- it's like she's given up- it's so depressing.
And now you can't go back and things just get worse- this is a very powerful poem.
Now that you've hurt her, she doesn't want you. She can't be who she was and she'll never be who you want her to be.
And they realise it's their fault.
12/5/2003 c1 28Crimson Scythe
Wow...that was a great poem. Very creative and original. It was really touching, full of emotion and feeling with a nice flow and good imagery. I really like the irony of the whole poem and especially the last couple of lines, how they seem to contradict what society tells us and point out the poor judgement of adults on a child/youth's life. I think I'll just have to add this to my favorite stories.
Very nice work, ~Crimson Scythe (Lanti Arlit)
28Crimson ScytheWow...that was a great poem. Very creative and original. It was really touching, full of emotion and feeling with a nice flow and good imagery. I really like the irony of the whole poem and especially the last couple of lines, how they seem to contradict what society tells us and point out the poor judgement of adults on a child/youth's life. I think I'll just have to add this to my favorite stories.
Very nice work, ~Crimson Scythe (Lanti Arlit)
12/5/2003 c1 31Circus
LOVE! I absoluetly LOVE this poem! It's got a lot of emotion behind it, and it's really well balanced and the beats seem to work well.
31CircusLOVE! I absoluetly LOVE this poem! It's got a lot of emotion behind it, and it's really well balanced and the beats seem to work well.
12/5/2003 c1 132Sarah Parker
Wow... this is awesome! I love this so much! It's just.. wow... so dark and morbid, and so very sad...! ANd so real... I love the metaphors and the imagery it's just all so.. incredible! I can't even tell you how much I love this... it blew me away. this is going on my favorites list!
132Sarah ParkerWow... this is awesome! I love this so much! It's just.. wow... so dark and morbid, and so very sad...! ANd so real... I love the metaphors and the imagery it's just all so.. incredible! I can't even tell you how much I love this... it blew me away. this is going on my favorites list!