for Warned by Shezri1/13/2007 c1 Kumquat-who-forgot-to-sign-in
This was very well written - you do write action scenes well! After reading the page you posted in Dice's forums, I was eager to see your interesting way of dealing with action. And you're right - it was vaugly like watching a movie - I could understand the movement of the characters and the action. My main concrit - this was confusing. Not the action, but more of the plotlines. Perhaps you could include the scene where Nick first met Shezri, or mention him before - that would make Jessica's recognization of him a little more understandable. Other than that - good job!
This was very well written - you do write action scenes well! After reading the page you posted in Dice's forums, I was eager to see your interesting way of dealing with action. And you're right - it was vaugly like watching a movie - I could understand the movement of the characters and the action. My main concrit - this was confusing. Not the action, but more of the plotlines. Perhaps you could include the scene where Nick first met Shezri, or mention him before - that would make Jessica's recognization of him a little more understandable. Other than that - good job!
11/7/2006 c1 
11Torn and Tattered
Ooh, nice. I'm impressed. I don't care if you review my stuff, but i really love your style of writing. You make your thoughts known really well. So is this the end of it then? Since it was a short story? Well either way, I loved it and i encourage to read it. I'll post it on my forums when i remember... it may be next year... becuz that's how long it usually takes me, but i'll get to it. And i read The Athaleran Chronicles: Redemption, sounds really good, but i'm really short on time tonight... so, there you go, later!... oh and i'm adding this to favorite and you to author alert... and i'm sending you a c2 request! plz join!
*TAD-Phoenix Keeper
11Torn and TatteredOoh, nice. I'm impressed. I don't care if you review my stuff, but i really love your style of writing. You make your thoughts known really well. So is this the end of it then? Since it was a short story? Well either way, I loved it and i encourage to read it. I'll post it on my forums when i remember... it may be next year... becuz that's how long it usually takes me, but i'll get to it. And i read The Athaleran Chronicles: Redemption, sounds really good, but i'm really short on time tonight... so, there you go, later!... oh and i'm adding this to favorite and you to author alert... and i'm sending you a c2 request! plz join!
*TAD-Phoenix Keeper
3/24/2006 c1 24Limited Edition
Sorry I chose your shortest story, but I can't sit still, I'm spazzing.Your grammar is awesome for being a Swede, I know MY teacher sucks XD So does my grammar. Quite long names on the weshes yes? They were rather funny. Good story though, containing all the elements of a short story.
24Limited EditionSorry I chose your shortest story, but I can't sit still, I'm spazzing.Your grammar is awesome for being a Swede, I know MY teacher sucks XD So does my grammar. Quite long names on the weshes yes? They were rather funny. Good story though, containing all the elements of a short story.
6/11/2005 c1 7Alankria
You're right, this is a little weird. It strikes me that the society that Nick and Jessica are from is something hiding the truth about Shezri and his kind- mages, presumably, or something of that ilk. I'm not really sure what you're trying to say, though. But it's interesting nonetheless. Your great imagination strikes again.
7AlankriaYou're right, this is a little weird. It strikes me that the society that Nick and Jessica are from is something hiding the truth about Shezri and his kind- mages, presumably, or something of that ilk. I'm not really sure what you're trying to say, though. But it's interesting nonetheless. Your great imagination strikes again.
5/3/2005 c1 8PBCrunch
hey! this was a really good start and keep writing! o yea and thanx 4 the review on mistake 2 mars! u said that someone said that it was worth reading...who was that? cuz i think that mistake 2 mars was 1 of my worst on there. o well...your stoyy was really good though!
8PBCrunchhey! this was a really good start and keep writing! o yea and thanx 4 the review on mistake 2 mars! u said that someone said that it was worth reading...who was that? cuz i think that mistake 2 mars was 1 of my worst on there. o well...your stoyy was really good though!
4/22/2005 c1 5KC Nightingale
Fist off i have to say thanks for the review you gave me. About you story though, i found it a bit confusing. I guess ill have to think on it.
5KC NightingaleFist off i have to say thanks for the review you gave me. About you story though, i found it a bit confusing. I guess ill have to think on it.
3/16/2005 c1 Arkash
A wonderful piece!Is this a colony world where non-corporeal beings battle each other, and the colonists are unaware, thinking that the stories are fairy tales?Whatever ther premise, it is well done. It has just enough to make it exciting, and leave it misterious at the same time.
P.S. I had sent it. Pray for me.Alnitak
A wonderful piece!Is this a colony world where non-corporeal beings battle each other, and the colonists are unaware, thinking that the stories are fairy tales?Whatever ther premise, it is well done. It has just enough to make it exciting, and leave it misterious at the same time.
P.S. I had sent it. Pray for me.Alnitak
8/2/2004 c1 234The Moribund Marionette
This story says a number of things to me, sends a number of messages, that is. I really enjoyed reading it. It is weird, but it's ccreative and that's what really counts. Good job with this.
Also wanted to thank you for the review, but I'm...a little confused. It seemed like you missed the meaning of the poem a little bit. You said that it described the ups of life being better then the downs,when actually, I consider them equal. I recover from the downs, realizing that they are all part of life. Life, to me, is somethings that tests me, but lets me decided what I want to do with it. I would explain more but I think I've used up a lot of space here...
234The Moribund MarionetteThis story says a number of things to me, sends a number of messages, that is. I really enjoyed reading it. It is weird, but it's ccreative and that's what really counts. Good job with this.
Also wanted to thank you for the review, but I'm...a little confused. It seemed like you missed the meaning of the poem a little bit. You said that it described the ups of life being better then the downs,when actually, I consider them equal. I recover from the downs, realizing that they are all part of life. Life, to me, is somethings that tests me, but lets me decided what I want to do with it. I would explain more but I think I've used up a lot of space here...
8/1/2004 c1 3champagne-supern0va
very nice, i like the suspense towards the end. also i like the untold history between nick and shezri leaving some to the imagination. Judging by nicks ignorance i would say the hidden meaning has something to do with wisdom from a stranger and to take it? anyway thx for review, ill try to read some of your other stuff if i have the time
3champagne-supern0vavery nice, i like the suspense towards the end. also i like the untold history between nick and shezri leaving some to the imagination. Judging by nicks ignorance i would say the hidden meaning has something to do with wisdom from a stranger and to take it? anyway thx for review, ill try to read some of your other stuff if i have the time
7/4/2004 c1 15NiennaAlatariel
I think it's really interesting if not a little confusing because you sometimes wonder, "What did I miss? Was there supposed to be another chapter before this?" So I guess it lacks some depth and detail which causes the story to be somewhat lost.
After you get over that though, it's still an interesting read and it does make sense. I think it was also well-written too which is one of the most important things in anything I read. Well-written and good grammer otherwise I'll get a headache lol.
A guess on what you're trying to say with it... *ponders* Maybe to pay attention to what the world is trying to tell you in subtle and sometimes weird ways? hehe *shrug* Just a guess *grin*
15NiennaAlatarielI think it's really interesting if not a little confusing because you sometimes wonder, "What did I miss? Was there supposed to be another chapter before this?" So I guess it lacks some depth and detail which causes the story to be somewhat lost.
After you get over that though, it's still an interesting read and it does make sense. I think it was also well-written too which is one of the most important things in anything I read. Well-written and good grammer otherwise I'll get a headache lol.
A guess on what you're trying to say with it... *ponders* Maybe to pay attention to what the world is trying to tell you in subtle and sometimes weird ways? hehe *shrug* Just a guess *grin*
2/28/2004 c1 Elanhin
Hi!
First I just want to thank you for your review on my story, 'the curse'. Not many people read it, and new readers are always welcome.
Second I'd like to say that I like this story. I didn't really get everything about the wind-being-thingy, but still, it was good. Didn't really like Nick, with the whole violence-part against the being, but it's a good effect. I'm glad the pitchfork didn't hurt him, since he was only being nice and helpful.
ElanhÃn
Hi!
First I just want to thank you for your review on my story, 'the curse'. Not many people read it, and new readers are always welcome.
Second I'd like to say that I like this story. I didn't really get everything about the wind-being-thingy, but still, it was good. Didn't really like Nick, with the whole violence-part against the being, but it's a good effect. I'm glad the pitchfork didn't hurt him, since he was only being nice and helpful.
ElanhÃn
2/5/2004 c1 3Savoria
Very good dialouge, though not enough description. It was... interesting. I couldn't really get a hidden meaning, or anything like that, if that was your intention.
3SavoriaVery good dialouge, though not enough description. It was... interesting. I couldn't really get a hidden meaning, or anything like that, if that was your intention.
1/17/2004 c1 8Raven Oghma
OOh! A lovely, wonderful story! I would have liked to see more development setting-wise, but otherwise very powerful and well-written! If I ever have time, I'm coming back to read your other stuff. Good job! Oh, and thanks for reviewing my mindless jabber! Hee.
8Raven OghmaOOh! A lovely, wonderful story! I would have liked to see more development setting-wise, but otherwise very powerful and well-written! If I ever have time, I'm coming back to read your other stuff. Good job! Oh, and thanks for reviewing my mindless jabber! Hee.
12/23/2003 c1 40Aleonic Relic
interesting though i had a bit of trouble with the pronoucination of the names of the wind beings. it was an interesting story.
40Aleonic Relicinteresting though i had a bit of trouble with the pronoucination of the names of the wind beings. it was an interesting story.