for Break3/11/2006 c21 
2Lightning Storm
I just finished you story, and I got to say I loved it. From beginning to end it was amazing. The characters and plot line was great.
2Lightning StormI just finished you story, and I got to say I loved it. From beginning to end it was amazing. The characters and plot line was great.
3/11/2006 c19 Lightning Storm
Can you say suspence, lol. You had me on the edge on my seat for this whole chapter
Can you say suspence, lol. You had me on the edge on my seat for this whole chapter
2/26/2006 c21 7yarrowicefrost
I know you ended this story y e a r s ago but I simply HAD to review it. OMG. this was one AWESOME story. the plot line to the wrting style to the characters, everything was brilliantly done! Just thought I should drop a review and let you know I enjoyed reading Carson and Sahara's adventures a LOT...
7yarrowicefrostI know you ended this story y e a r s ago but I simply HAD to review it. OMG. this was one AWESOME story. the plot line to the wrting style to the characters, everything was brilliantly done! Just thought I should drop a review and let you know I enjoyed reading Carson and Sahara's adventures a LOT...
2/15/2006 c21 emerald
AW! aw aw aw...that was *SIGH* Carson's mine! i want him to be mine *grumble-grumble* that was FANTASTIC- seriously...love the suspense, the betrayal, the sweetness and all the adoreness...gotta go read the sequel now!
AW! aw aw aw...that was *SIGH* Carson's mine! i want him to be mine *grumble-grumble* that was FANTASTIC- seriously...love the suspense, the betrayal, the sweetness and all the adoreness...gotta go read the sequel now!
1/22/2006 c21 The name's Roz
OMG, I LOVED THIS STORY! I mean, your plot and your characters were so well-developed! Definitely my ultimate favorite so far on fictionpress.
OMG, I LOVED THIS STORY! I mean, your plot and your characters were so well-developed! Definitely my ultimate favorite so far on fictionpress.
1/11/2006 c21 muppet-me
Hi there,
My name is Clare and I've just finished reading your entire story. I know you may not read this review, 'cause as far as I'm aware, it's been a while since this story has been updated, but I just wanted to let you know that you did an amazing job. Your character development was great. The one qualm I have is a relatively minor one, considering the length of the novel. Violet's character originally was great, the finesse shown in the character development was right up there with that of the two main characters. However, I felt that when it was revealed that she was the double agent, there wasn't very much exploration of her motivations or her new (recently discovered, whatever :p) character traits. Now, considering this girl was Sahara's best friend for God knows how many years, I would have thought that her betrayal would have really difficult for Sahara to deal with, particularly since at that point she thought she had lost the love of her life as well. I know that Violet is responsible for this loss, but I still felt that perhaps Sahara should have been a tad more concerned about her friend's corruption. Also, a spare thought for the other agents might have been nice. I know that too much deviation from the plot can make the action seem a little stilted, but still, you were trying to puch Sahara as a recently confirmed human being, and she had lived with all of the agents for several years.
There were a couple of other minor things that irked me - mainly logic points in the story where I felt the normally very intelligent characters were being unreasonably obtuse. i.e. Viviane and Violet's connection. A game of pool, anyone? And no one picked up on Violet, which I thought was odd. Now, I'm not going to lie and say that I could see that twist coming, but I did have my suspicions. Particularly when Carson noted that Violet wanted all of the agents guarding doors, not people. Sus. (My first, terrifying thought was that All of the agents were involved in the double-crossing. I nearly died in the seconds I suspected that!) Also, along with the whole logic thing, there were a couple of points in the story where little things didn't really add up to well. I can't think of any examples right now, but they'll come to me. :)
Um. I know there's more I want to say, and I'm being contrary. I want to beat your longest review. I know I won't, but there's no harm in trying, right? So, the story was good, solid plot line, fantastic characters, good balance in perspective between said characters. I was actually waiting for a massive, complicating blow-up between Sahara and Carson, but I do realise that it would have made completing the story difficult. Kudos to you for avoiding writing yourself into a corner.
Your grammar and expression were good, generally speaking. I didn't notice any lapses, although that could be partially due to the fact that I can't actually see straight right at the moment. Everything is fuzzy and I'm feeling a little woosy. Oh, how I love hot Australian summer nights. It's 10:30 p.m. and hotter than it was at 12 p.m. Having rambled all that nonsense I do feel compelled to add that your lack of grammar stuff-ups could also be due to the fact that you are yourself, or have access to a good editor/whatever the net-name is for them. That's surprisingly rare on this site. Honestly, some of the grammar errors. I cringe.
Well, I'm off to read your other stories and have a cold shower to try and prevent fainting from heat exhaustion. Thank you for a more than enjoyable read.
Clare.
P.S. Please don't judge me too harshly on what I've written (grammar included :P). Keep in mind that I'm almost dying from the heat. My email address is . Drop me a line if you want, I'd love to hear from you.
Hi there,
My name is Clare and I've just finished reading your entire story. I know you may not read this review, 'cause as far as I'm aware, it's been a while since this story has been updated, but I just wanted to let you know that you did an amazing job. Your character development was great. The one qualm I have is a relatively minor one, considering the length of the novel. Violet's character originally was great, the finesse shown in the character development was right up there with that of the two main characters. However, I felt that when it was revealed that she was the double agent, there wasn't very much exploration of her motivations or her new (recently discovered, whatever :p) character traits. Now, considering this girl was Sahara's best friend for God knows how many years, I would have thought that her betrayal would have really difficult for Sahara to deal with, particularly since at that point she thought she had lost the love of her life as well. I know that Violet is responsible for this loss, but I still felt that perhaps Sahara should have been a tad more concerned about her friend's corruption. Also, a spare thought for the other agents might have been nice. I know that too much deviation from the plot can make the action seem a little stilted, but still, you were trying to puch Sahara as a recently confirmed human being, and she had lived with all of the agents for several years.
There were a couple of other minor things that irked me - mainly logic points in the story where I felt the normally very intelligent characters were being unreasonably obtuse. i.e. Viviane and Violet's connection. A game of pool, anyone? And no one picked up on Violet, which I thought was odd. Now, I'm not going to lie and say that I could see that twist coming, but I did have my suspicions. Particularly when Carson noted that Violet wanted all of the agents guarding doors, not people. Sus. (My first, terrifying thought was that All of the agents were involved in the double-crossing. I nearly died in the seconds I suspected that!) Also, along with the whole logic thing, there were a couple of points in the story where little things didn't really add up to well. I can't think of any examples right now, but they'll come to me. :)
Um. I know there's more I want to say, and I'm being contrary. I want to beat your longest review. I know I won't, but there's no harm in trying, right? So, the story was good, solid plot line, fantastic characters, good balance in perspective between said characters. I was actually waiting for a massive, complicating blow-up between Sahara and Carson, but I do realise that it would have made completing the story difficult. Kudos to you for avoiding writing yourself into a corner.
Your grammar and expression were good, generally speaking. I didn't notice any lapses, although that could be partially due to the fact that I can't actually see straight right at the moment. Everything is fuzzy and I'm feeling a little woosy. Oh, how I love hot Australian summer nights. It's 10:30 p.m. and hotter than it was at 12 p.m. Having rambled all that nonsense I do feel compelled to add that your lack of grammar stuff-ups could also be due to the fact that you are yourself, or have access to a good editor/whatever the net-name is for them. That's surprisingly rare on this site. Honestly, some of the grammar errors. I cringe.
Well, I'm off to read your other stories and have a cold shower to try and prevent fainting from heat exhaustion. Thank you for a more than enjoyable read.
Clare.
P.S. Please don't judge me too harshly on what I've written (grammar included :P). Keep in mind that I'm almost dying from the heat. My email address is . Drop me a line if you want, I'd love to hear from you.
12/18/2005 c21 3Krystal Nickle
oh my goodness gracious. i just finished your story (finally) and i absolutley loved it. the only disappointment i had at all was having to leave and do something important, like my homework or eating and sleeping, while i was reading this. it seemed that everytime i was in the middle of a really great part(basically, anywhere in the story, you pick) my dad would tell me to get off the computer to actually live. pathetic, i know but what i mean is i would think that i'm not hungary because i just wouldnt pay attention but in all actuality, i was starving and only my dad physically making me get off the computer made me realize that. honestly, i never wanted to stop. and it is so sad that it is over. but i'm glad too because you said you would start a sequel! whoopee!and i'm not the only one who is glad. my dad is ecstatic because i wont be spending all of my time on the computer anymore. only he doesnt know that you are starting a sequel. so dont tell him or i might not be able to read it. i mean, you have no idea how many times i was grounded off the computer just because i love your story so much. it was horrible. and to think that almost every other time i was grounded ever in my life, i was grounded from the phone and going out. he never even mentioned either of those two, just the computer. i just wanted to tell you that so you would know that i'm not really that big of a loser that i might seem like on this review. oh, just to let you know, you're story is absolutely perfect. i cant think of a single thing to change and i wanted to praise you on the length of your chapters. most writers on this site tend to write short chapters but a lot of them but you were the opposite. there were only 21 chapters but each one was long and filled with tons of stuff. you never had any boring filler chapters that i just hate. the reason i am even bringing this up is because real books (you know, the kind you actually hold in your hand and can take anywhere to read instead of sitting in front of your computer letting the radioactivity slowly kill you but first making you lose your hair and you becoming ugly) have long chapters but not nesisarlily(sp?) a lot of them. so if you decided to get this story published, you wouldnt have to rewrite each chapter to fit the criteria. which is good cuz i strongly suggest that you do get this published. it is just that good. well, i was wondering when you would start the sequel exactly. i mean, im not trying to rush you but i now have nothing to do on the computer. i would read those other two stories that you mentioned if i hadnt already read them both(and equally loved them) so yeah. i dont really know what else to say except sorry for blabbering on to you and probably scaring you with my crazy personality. so yeah, i guess thats all...folks. sorry, couldnt resist. anywayz, keep up the great writing and drawing(cuz i saw those pictures that you drew, each and everyone of them and they are all uncanily amazing)and bye!
~*~Krystal Nickle~*~
3Krystal Nickleoh my goodness gracious. i just finished your story (finally) and i absolutley loved it. the only disappointment i had at all was having to leave and do something important, like my homework or eating and sleeping, while i was reading this. it seemed that everytime i was in the middle of a really great part(basically, anywhere in the story, you pick) my dad would tell me to get off the computer to actually live. pathetic, i know but what i mean is i would think that i'm not hungary because i just wouldnt pay attention but in all actuality, i was starving and only my dad physically making me get off the computer made me realize that. honestly, i never wanted to stop. and it is so sad that it is over. but i'm glad too because you said you would start a sequel! whoopee!and i'm not the only one who is glad. my dad is ecstatic because i wont be spending all of my time on the computer anymore. only he doesnt know that you are starting a sequel. so dont tell him or i might not be able to read it. i mean, you have no idea how many times i was grounded off the computer just because i love your story so much. it was horrible. and to think that almost every other time i was grounded ever in my life, i was grounded from the phone and going out. he never even mentioned either of those two, just the computer. i just wanted to tell you that so you would know that i'm not really that big of a loser that i might seem like on this review. oh, just to let you know, you're story is absolutely perfect. i cant think of a single thing to change and i wanted to praise you on the length of your chapters. most writers on this site tend to write short chapters but a lot of them but you were the opposite. there were only 21 chapters but each one was long and filled with tons of stuff. you never had any boring filler chapters that i just hate. the reason i am even bringing this up is because real books (you know, the kind you actually hold in your hand and can take anywhere to read instead of sitting in front of your computer letting the radioactivity slowly kill you but first making you lose your hair and you becoming ugly) have long chapters but not nesisarlily(sp?) a lot of them. so if you decided to get this story published, you wouldnt have to rewrite each chapter to fit the criteria. which is good cuz i strongly suggest that you do get this published. it is just that good. well, i was wondering when you would start the sequel exactly. i mean, im not trying to rush you but i now have nothing to do on the computer. i would read those other two stories that you mentioned if i hadnt already read them both(and equally loved them) so yeah. i dont really know what else to say except sorry for blabbering on to you and probably scaring you with my crazy personality. so yeah, i guess thats all...folks. sorry, couldnt resist. anywayz, keep up the great writing and drawing(cuz i saw those pictures that you drew, each and everyone of them and they are all uncanily amazing)and bye!
~*~Krystal Nickle~*~
12/6/2005 c21 Creative Destruction
OMGOSH! I loved reading this story! I'm so sad I didn't get to read it as you updated and be a constant reviewer! lol. But yeah, wo for Break 2! I definetely shall read that now.
OMGOSH! I loved reading this story! I'm so sad I didn't get to read it as you updated and be a constant reviewer! lol. But yeah, wo for Break 2! I definetely shall read that now.
12/3/2005 c21 cherrypiesizzle
AW! I love this story so much...SO much!
In fact, I'm putting you on my fav's list, k? Continue the good work! Carson's so perfect!
AW! I love this story so much...SO much!
In fact, I'm putting you on my fav's list, k? Continue the good work! Carson's so perfect!