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for Flames of Nottum, Part I

1/6/2004 c1 Lea
Myazaki, didn't I tell you what confused me in the other review?
1/3/2004 c1 15a.reading.whore
okay, first little nitpicky things...
in the 4th paragraph reluctantly would be capitalized, and then later there's no comma before his sister's name.
in the 5th p, "he addressed him by his full name" is rather awkward. you might use ..." he said, adressing him by his full name.
in the 6th, in "the old man's grin disappeared", the would be capitalized.
8th- thin should be think
9th- there is a comma after berries and you wouldn't capitalize he.
10th- Kutum's dialogue is a bit choppy, you might want to combine sentences unless that was the effect you were going for.
and in the second to last paragraph, there's a missing quotation mark.
but these are all little things, and I really like this story. it has an intruguing plot and shows the diverse skills, the author.
yeah, so good job, i thought you deserved a nice long review.
12/23/2003 c1 hi this is actually the author
Hey, Lea, what confused you? And yes, this is Myazaki.
12/22/2003 c1 Anonymos
Very very good Margaret. There were some parts that I couldn't understand with out using a dictionary. Maybe try using some smaller words next time! Not all of us are as brilliant as you are. The plot is intriguing, and I am waiting for the next installment.

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