
2/14/2005 c3
34Gatha
Good story, but you really need to develop the environment the two landed in,which could reveal something of Yumi's personality, and have Yumi give more of an explantion to his sister as to his mistrust. It's also difficult to tell the level of technology present on the planet, and you've yet to mention the treasure. The concept is great though and can go pretty far.

Good story, but you really need to develop the environment the two landed in,which could reveal something of Yumi's personality, and have Yumi give more of an explantion to his sister as to his mistrust. It's also difficult to tell the level of technology present on the planet, and you've yet to mention the treasure. The concept is great though and can go pretty far.