for ABC Horror10/25/2015 c1 
1nwatts
It started off rather uninteresting, but progressed nicely until it became slightly scary by the end. It feels like it was rushed, though. It was hard to imagine what was even happening for the first part. Horror requires a more poetic touch. You need to hit all of the senses, describing each horrifying bit as you go through the experience. Honestly, most of this story could have been boiled down to one sentence. The focus should be on the teddy bear rather than the shady guy who sold it, because the bear is the scary part. All in all, if you had focused more on what made it a scary story, and polished the details more, it would have been great! While you're writing, I know that it seems like a lot of description is boring and lengthy, but people read much faster than you write.
1nwattsIt started off rather uninteresting, but progressed nicely until it became slightly scary by the end. It feels like it was rushed, though. It was hard to imagine what was even happening for the first part. Horror requires a more poetic touch. You need to hit all of the senses, describing each horrifying bit as you go through the experience. Honestly, most of this story could have been boiled down to one sentence. The focus should be on the teddy bear rather than the shady guy who sold it, because the bear is the scary part. All in all, if you had focused more on what made it a scary story, and polished the details more, it would have been great! While you're writing, I know that it seems like a lot of description is boring and lengthy, but people read much faster than you write.
3/10/2012 c1 11Kiyoko H
I really like how you incorporated as many senses as possible into your descriptions. I like that you use fragment sentences for emphasis, but, IMO there could be less.
11Kiyoko HI really like how you incorporated as many senses as possible into your descriptions. I like that you use fragment sentences for emphasis, but, IMO there could be less.
2/12/2012 c1 13Isis 47
I think that your stories are like R.L Stine and a less creepy Creep Show combined!
13Isis 47I think that your stories are like R.L Stine and a less creepy Creep Show combined!
6/24/2009 c1 7BriMeister
Wow! I really liked this, your wording was really complex and pro :D
Really creepy, good word choice, I wuv it :)
7BriMeisterWow! I really liked this, your wording was really complex and pro :D
Really creepy, good word choice, I wuv it :)
4/11/2009 c2 3our-name-is-our-virtue
This one was a little bit more confusing. It was okay, but I think you could do a little better. Update soon!
3our-name-is-our-virtueThis one was a little bit more confusing. It was okay, but I think you could do a little better. Update soon!
4/11/2009 c1 our-name-is-our-virtue
GReat story...it was a little confusing at the end, maybe its just me. Very good though! I enjoyed it alot.
GReat story...it was a little confusing at the end, maybe its just me. Very good though! I enjoyed it alot.
2/27/2004 c1 dude
that waz a embrassment 2 horror writers every where cum on the abc horror oh well it waz ur waste of time not mine i got board after the first paragraph but ne way i hope next time u can write sumthin worth my time l8er dayz (p.s no dude i waz just jokin it waz actually pretty cool l8er dayz)
that waz a embrassment 2 horror writers every where cum on the abc horror oh well it waz ur waste of time not mine i got board after the first paragraph but ne way i hope next time u can write sumthin worth my time l8er dayz (p.s no dude i waz just jokin it waz actually pretty cool l8er dayz)
2/19/2004 c2 37Peachez 24
Yeah that'd be a little creepy I must say. But it definitely raisesd a few questions for sure. Keep writing and update soon!
Peachez ^_~
37Peachez 24Yeah that'd be a little creepy I must say. But it definitely raisesd a few questions for sure. Keep writing and update soon!
Peachez ^_~
2/19/2004 c2 4Nestalgica
Very nice; keep updating (will you do through all alphabet? O_o) I like the first one better. Second one was kind of confusion because of blob form.
4NestalgicaVery nice; keep updating (will you do through all alphabet? O_o) I like the first one better. Second one was kind of confusion because of blob form.
12/22/2003 c1 Peachez 24
Neat little thing. Kinda sparks a bit of an interst for more... not exactly more of this particular story, but of something along the same lines. Man, I'm really gonna have to catch up on your poems, you're getting a little too far ahead. lol. good job at writing though. Keep writing!
Peachez ^_~
Neat little thing. Kinda sparks a bit of an interst for more... not exactly more of this particular story, but of something along the same lines. Man, I'm really gonna have to catch up on your poems, you're getting a little too far ahead. lol. good job at writing though. Keep writing!
Peachez ^_~