for Who Do I Love?7/30/2005 c3 starfish
Um i thought that Jason was Jason not James
Um i thought that Jason was Jason not James
7/19/2004 c4 
16kaika switched
Nice story so far. I love how you've developed Rachel in each chapter. Keep writing!
16kaika switchedNice story so far. I love how you've developed Rachel in each chapter. Keep writing!
6/13/2004 c4 27Master of the Chimps
Whoot! I like Rachel, she's cool... so far! Anyways, I love the story! No, your not moving to fast! The chapter was great, please update soon!
27Master of the ChimpsWhoot! I like Rachel, she's cool... so far! Anyways, I love the story! No, your not moving to fast! The chapter was great, please update soon!
3/28/2004 c4 11Luv and Peace
Wow, i remember reading this a LONG time ago. But its really good. Update soon!
11Luv and PeaceWow, i remember reading this a LONG time ago. But its really good. Update soon!
3/25/2004 c4 Ali
Great story, and it's progressing very nicely. Update soon!
Great story, and it's progressing very nicely. Update soon!
2/20/2004 c3 2Akia Blakemore
No, no, it's not my real name...It'd definitely be cool if it was...^-^ You're welcome. I'm glad to give you info. And don't worry about, the way you write is fine! And Damien is cute, even tho he threatened her...Hehehe. Take care, and keep writing!
kia (Aki B.)
2Akia BlakemoreNo, no, it's not my real name...It'd definitely be cool if it was...^-^ You're welcome. I'm glad to give you info. And don't worry about, the way you write is fine! And Damien is cute, even tho he threatened her...Hehehe. Take care, and keep writing!
kia (Aki B.)
1/17/2004 c3 11Luv and Peace
Hey,
Well, i like long chapters. Because they go into details and you can wrap up the story faster, like i mean, if it takes someone 20 chapters (and they're all short) why not just write 10 (and that's long). personally, i used to write in short chapters, and i used to loose my muse. So, i guess it would depend on u. Anyway, i like the story, update soon!
11Luv and PeaceHey,
Well, i like long chapters. Because they go into details and you can wrap up the story faster, like i mean, if it takes someone 20 chapters (and they're all short) why not just write 10 (and that's long). personally, i used to write in short chapters, and i used to loose my muse. So, i guess it would depend on u. Anyway, i like the story, update soon!
1/17/2004 c3 Eleni
hey your doing a great job of transferring feelings into your characters. good job! keep writing cuz its fabulistic! :)
hey your doing a great job of transferring feelings into your characters. good job! keep writing cuz its fabulistic! :)
1/2/2004 c2 27Master of the Chimps
your dialogue is quite fine! *nods* please keep it going, your doing a terffic job!
27Master of the Chimpsyour dialogue is quite fine! *nods* please keep it going, your doing a terffic job!
12/27/2003 c2 1Courting Insanity
Okie.. it started out a little weird. I mean, okie. The whole Damien wanting her to be his girlfriend and I'm assuming it's Damien since she can't hold a decent convo with umm.. other dude. LoL, I have horrible memory. The way you went about having her go up to him was a little weird, but I guess okay. FIN. Wow.. never heard of such a thing. But it's kewl. Hehe.. and Damien seems so into himself. Wow.. he's like.. slick. Now, wonder what Jason's gonna do about that, hmm.
You're dialogue writing style is good. But a story is more than just dialogue. Description in the way of painting a portrait instead of telling is nice and adds to the dialogue. There's some edges around your dialogue that could be rounded a bit, but that'll just come with time I guess. I'm not great at writing so I don't know why I'm tellin you all this as though I have a clue. LoL. But anyway, it's a kewl story and keep up with it!
Charmed
1Courting InsanityOkie.. it started out a little weird. I mean, okie. The whole Damien wanting her to be his girlfriend and I'm assuming it's Damien since she can't hold a decent convo with umm.. other dude. LoL, I have horrible memory. The way you went about having her go up to him was a little weird, but I guess okay. FIN. Wow.. never heard of such a thing. But it's kewl. Hehe.. and Damien seems so into himself. Wow.. he's like.. slick. Now, wonder what Jason's gonna do about that, hmm.
You're dialogue writing style is good. But a story is more than just dialogue. Description in the way of painting a portrait instead of telling is nice and adds to the dialogue. There's some edges around your dialogue that could be rounded a bit, but that'll just come with time I guess. I'm not great at writing so I don't know why I'm tellin you all this as though I have a clue. LoL. But anyway, it's a kewl story and keep up with it!
Charmed
12/27/2003 c1 Courting Insanity
You wanna know what got me to click on your story? The fact that your summary mentioned something about three 'perfect' older sisters. I have three older sisters and yeah.. I can so relate to Rachel about it. Although I'm a lot younger than they are and a trouble maker.
I like the beginning, although the first paragraph was about to turn me away since it was so huge and yeah. It seemed all cramped into one space and I'm not one to read such a large paragraph. But I'm glad I did and I feel sympathetic towards Rach. Jason seems the typical annoying jerk who will one day realize he likes Rach and will totally try to win her heart. Hehe.. anyway.
Oh, to answer your questions. California.. it all depends on where you live. In LA there are palm trees, it's sunny, there's a lot of beaches if you live along the coast. It rains only when necessary in the winter and spring and gets to be about 100 degrees f when in the summer and cold.. though not as cold as some places, just enough to grab a sweater or a jacket and scarf. There are ranches.. whether you live close to LA or north close to SF there's bound to be a ranch. Up in SF and the better part of there, there's not much for palm trees, but there's farms and stuff, not that much, fields. Some places like Carmel and Monterey it's really beautiful coz you got green grasses where people have orchards and stuff for making wine and ranches. A lot of stuff.
As for school systems, not sure if someone's already told you about this, but there's preschool (only some people put their kids in it because it's nothng more than paying for your kids to eat cookies, nap and learn some basic stuff, but it's fun. I loved it!), Kindergarden to 6th grade are in elementary school, then you have 7-8th grade (sometimes 6-8 depending) for junior high and 9-10 for high school. Some schools have the normal school year where you go starting from somewhere in the beginning of fall, August until May or June, but some have year round which is like school is broken up into four groups and each group goes on for like three months then break, three months.. then one month break.. so on and so forth. And they rotate who goes off when so only three groups are goin to school at a time. And contrary to popular beliefs, some public schools wear uniforms as well, not just private.
Okay, I think that's long enough. Hehe.. sorry if I got too detailed. LoL. If you need to know anything, yo.. I'm here. So it's a good start and I'm gonna go read the next chapter.
You wanna know what got me to click on your story? The fact that your summary mentioned something about three 'perfect' older sisters. I have three older sisters and yeah.. I can so relate to Rachel about it. Although I'm a lot younger than they are and a trouble maker.
I like the beginning, although the first paragraph was about to turn me away since it was so huge and yeah. It seemed all cramped into one space and I'm not one to read such a large paragraph. But I'm glad I did and I feel sympathetic towards Rach. Jason seems the typical annoying jerk who will one day realize he likes Rach and will totally try to win her heart. Hehe.. anyway.
Oh, to answer your questions. California.. it all depends on where you live. In LA there are palm trees, it's sunny, there's a lot of beaches if you live along the coast. It rains only when necessary in the winter and spring and gets to be about 100 degrees f when in the summer and cold.. though not as cold as some places, just enough to grab a sweater or a jacket and scarf. There are ranches.. whether you live close to LA or north close to SF there's bound to be a ranch. Up in SF and the better part of there, there's not much for palm trees, but there's farms and stuff, not that much, fields. Some places like Carmel and Monterey it's really beautiful coz you got green grasses where people have orchards and stuff for making wine and ranches. A lot of stuff.
As for school systems, not sure if someone's already told you about this, but there's preschool (only some people put their kids in it because it's nothng more than paying for your kids to eat cookies, nap and learn some basic stuff, but it's fun. I loved it!), Kindergarden to 6th grade are in elementary school, then you have 7-8th grade (sometimes 6-8 depending) for junior high and 9-10 for high school. Some schools have the normal school year where you go starting from somewhere in the beginning of fall, August until May or June, but some have year round which is like school is broken up into four groups and each group goes on for like three months then break, three months.. then one month break.. so on and so forth. And they rotate who goes off when so only three groups are goin to school at a time. And contrary to popular beliefs, some public schools wear uniforms as well, not just private.
Okay, I think that's long enough. Hehe.. sorry if I got too detailed. LoL. If you need to know anything, yo.. I'm here. So it's a good start and I'm gonna go read the next chapter.
12/27/2003 c2 1FamousOneLiners
i assumed it would like any other story
but still enjoyable
yet the introduction of Damien adds room for change
1FamousOneLinersi assumed it would like any other story
but still enjoyable
yet the introduction of Damien adds room for change
12/27/2003 c2 2Akia Blakemore
hey! i totally love it! and being from Cali, i'll tell ya a bit about it. it's really sunny and warm, there are palm trees, and i guess if you're around the big cities like LA and San Francisco it's kinda smoggy...
anyway, keep up the good work with your story!
Until next time -
~ Aki B.
2Akia Blakemorehey! i totally love it! and being from Cali, i'll tell ya a bit about it. it's really sunny and warm, there are palm trees, and i guess if you're around the big cities like LA and San Francisco it's kinda smoggy...
anyway, keep up the good work with your story!
Until next time -
~ Aki B.