
12/24/2003 c4
21Miri Tiazan
::looks vaguely befuddled:: The StoneMasters aren't human, don't like the dwarves, have the dwarf-king's son, think their castle is half Morgaan's... What? This promises to be interesting, but wow, it's confusing. It makes me feel better that Morgaan is about as confused as I. Hopefully a little more background will appear in future chapters? Why is Morgaan looking for her husband, why is Kraig's son with the StoneMasters, who ARE the StoneMasters, for that matter. Ah well. Update soon, please! I never fail to want more of your writing, somehow. LOL. And Merry Christmas, too. Or whatever you may celebrate, if that's not it.
M'cha Araem

::looks vaguely befuddled:: The StoneMasters aren't human, don't like the dwarves, have the dwarf-king's son, think their castle is half Morgaan's... What? This promises to be interesting, but wow, it's confusing. It makes me feel better that Morgaan is about as confused as I. Hopefully a little more background will appear in future chapters? Why is Morgaan looking for her husband, why is Kraig's son with the StoneMasters, who ARE the StoneMasters, for that matter. Ah well. Update soon, please! I never fail to want more of your writing, somehow. LOL. And Merry Christmas, too. Or whatever you may celebrate, if that's not it.
M'cha Araem
12/24/2003 c1 Snarks
Hey, you're alive! And now all you need to do is update DofC. *grins* I know, I'm picky.
Sugoi! You've brought a Tir-nan story to fp.com. Happy day! And once more you've created this deliciously detailed world. I'm ever so jealous. If I had half the talent you did, I might be able to get my damn book published.
Anyway, found a tweak in the first chapter.
“My people, nor I, hold any quarrel wi’ Rangers." Sounds fine but I think you need a 'neither' in there before the 'My people.' Otherwise, his personal negation doesn't really connect to it. If you take the 'not I' out, the sentence doesn't make sense.
In the second chapter, there seemed to be a format hiccup as it broke the sentence where it wasn't meant to be broken.
I know the designator for my little review says "Ch. 1" but I have read all four. And marvelous chapters they are. You give such a tantalizing view of Tir-nan and then leave the reader begging for more with Kraig's odd words about Sasha and the mysterious of the StoneMasters themselves. I'm eagerly awaiting more as always, dearheart.
Karen
Hey, you're alive! And now all you need to do is update DofC. *grins* I know, I'm picky.
Sugoi! You've brought a Tir-nan story to fp.com. Happy day! And once more you've created this deliciously detailed world. I'm ever so jealous. If I had half the talent you did, I might be able to get my damn book published.
Anyway, found a tweak in the first chapter.
“My people, nor I, hold any quarrel wi’ Rangers." Sounds fine but I think you need a 'neither' in there before the 'My people.' Otherwise, his personal negation doesn't really connect to it. If you take the 'not I' out, the sentence doesn't make sense.
In the second chapter, there seemed to be a format hiccup as it broke the sentence where it wasn't meant to be broken.
I know the designator for my little review says "Ch. 1" but I have read all four. And marvelous chapters they are. You give such a tantalizing view of Tir-nan and then leave the reader begging for more with Kraig's odd words about Sasha and the mysterious of the StoneMasters themselves. I'm eagerly awaiting more as always, dearheart.
Karen