for Orgin of a Superhero:Empathy1/7/2011 c1 
7Shotokan Master
I actually like the concept of an Empathy based superhero and know you'll be able to do alot of with it. But may I say sometimes I had trouble staying inside the story. Your readers should feel like they're being sucked into this world. They need more expression and surrounding, a full visualization that way it wont seem so cluttered with dialogue which is what I noticed here. Otherwise the overall story is good, and I implore you to keep writing. As well as I am have just released an original superhero novel myslef. If you're intrested in this genre then its a book you'll especially like. So check out my page for a link to the newest superhero, Tigerman!
7Shotokan MasterI actually like the concept of an Empathy based superhero and know you'll be able to do alot of with it. But may I say sometimes I had trouble staying inside the story. Your readers should feel like they're being sucked into this world. They need more expression and surrounding, a full visualization that way it wont seem so cluttered with dialogue which is what I noticed here. Otherwise the overall story is good, and I implore you to keep writing. As well as I am have just released an original superhero novel myslef. If you're intrested in this genre then its a book you'll especially like. So check out my page for a link to the newest superhero, Tigerman!
2/11/2007 c1 1Michigan Jack
That was quite a lot for Chapter One!
There are a thousand things cool about Issue No. 1, and many that I found very interesting. For starters, I enjoyed David’s awkwardness and skepticism toward his new home and his parents’ new job. At that time, I already knew that something was brewing. It was almost like David made a telepathic connection with me. ;-) Anyway, moving on, David’s parents are genuine caregivers who know just the right time to fill him in on the superhuman legacy that they’ve been hiding from him all these years. And how does David come across such a discovery? A fight with a bully, of course. You know, we never really get to see why exactly bullies pick on our superhero archetypes, but this time it’s because David stepped on a guy’s shoe and simply forgot to apologize.
David strikes me as a stubborn character in that way, which is a very good thing. Also, another cool thing about Issue No. 1 was that there were countless twists and turns. I had no idea what was coming next. Considering the Classic Superhero Origin—that of gaining superpowers in a laboratory explosion—I sort of assumed that David would gain whatever powers he had through the visit to the lab later in that day. Only later do we find out that not only did David not go to the lab, but his powers are genetic. I’ll admit, that’s another Classic Superhero Origin, but I haven’t seen it done in quite the unique way that you did. Bravo! Speaking of twists, the death of David’s parents at the end was quite a shocker. It explained why they moved, but in a very sinister way.
And that brings up my final point. I’m not quite sure how someone can use the powers of empathy and telepathy in a fight, but it’d be very cool to find out. Perhaps David, in feeling pain for his parent’s loss, would make their killers feel the same way? Thus, I think you might have hit a BREAKTHROUGH in the superhero community—a hero that, although there’s violence all around him, makes a difference through non-violent means, defeating supervillains by making them actually feel bad about it and “urging” conscience on evildoers. That, my friend, was an excellent concept you thought up. You should be proud of it; I would be. ;-)
And, as a small sidenote, I’m wonder if my review will be well-received, if received at all. By the looks of the date “Empathy” was published, some three odd years ago, I doubt you’ll come across what I have to say. If you do, I hope this brightened your day, and I hope to see more of your work soon.
Thank you for sharing!
1Michigan JackThat was quite a lot for Chapter One!
There are a thousand things cool about Issue No. 1, and many that I found very interesting. For starters, I enjoyed David’s awkwardness and skepticism toward his new home and his parents’ new job. At that time, I already knew that something was brewing. It was almost like David made a telepathic connection with me. ;-) Anyway, moving on, David’s parents are genuine caregivers who know just the right time to fill him in on the superhuman legacy that they’ve been hiding from him all these years. And how does David come across such a discovery? A fight with a bully, of course. You know, we never really get to see why exactly bullies pick on our superhero archetypes, but this time it’s because David stepped on a guy’s shoe and simply forgot to apologize.
David strikes me as a stubborn character in that way, which is a very good thing. Also, another cool thing about Issue No. 1 was that there were countless twists and turns. I had no idea what was coming next. Considering the Classic Superhero Origin—that of gaining superpowers in a laboratory explosion—I sort of assumed that David would gain whatever powers he had through the visit to the lab later in that day. Only later do we find out that not only did David not go to the lab, but his powers are genetic. I’ll admit, that’s another Classic Superhero Origin, but I haven’t seen it done in quite the unique way that you did. Bravo! Speaking of twists, the death of David’s parents at the end was quite a shocker. It explained why they moved, but in a very sinister way.
And that brings up my final point. I’m not quite sure how someone can use the powers of empathy and telepathy in a fight, but it’d be very cool to find out. Perhaps David, in feeling pain for his parent’s loss, would make their killers feel the same way? Thus, I think you might have hit a BREAKTHROUGH in the superhero community—a hero that, although there’s violence all around him, makes a difference through non-violent means, defeating supervillains by making them actually feel bad about it and “urging” conscience on evildoers. That, my friend, was an excellent concept you thought up. You should be proud of it; I would be. ;-)
And, as a small sidenote, I’m wonder if my review will be well-received, if received at all. By the looks of the date “Empathy” was published, some three odd years ago, I doubt you’ll come across what I have to say. If you do, I hope this brightened your day, and I hope to see more of your work soon.
Thank you for sharing!