for Violet Eyes9/19/2004 c3 Katie
Hey, Greywind! Have to say from one writer to the next that I'm impressed with your style! Very believable and well-developed characters. I have to say though that I didn't much care for the POV switch. It might work better if written from 3rd person with a hint of omniscience instead of 1st person, though. POV switching is something I like to play with, and I've found that USUALLY the only time a 1st person POV switch can successfully be made is when there's a boldly defining point such as a totally different and new setting or the mentioning of the new narrator in the chapter title. I'm excited to see how you settle this out! Have fun playing with it!
Hey, Greywind! Have to say from one writer to the next that I'm impressed with your style! Very believable and well-developed characters. I have to say though that I didn't much care for the POV switch. It might work better if written from 3rd person with a hint of omniscience instead of 1st person, though. POV switching is something I like to play with, and I've found that USUALLY the only time a 1st person POV switch can successfully be made is when there's a boldly defining point such as a totally different and new setting or the mentioning of the new narrator in the chapter title. I'm excited to see how you settle this out! Have fun playing with it!
8/21/2004 c3 
2Saranha de Angelo
The relationship between Cristyn and Tegan/Nirren is really interesting...and I like Bane...he's cool. Curious to see where you're going with this!
2Saranha de AngeloThe relationship between Cristyn and Tegan/Nirren is really interesting...and I like Bane...he's cool. Curious to see where you're going with this!
3/28/2004 c3 Angel of Darkness
Well, that was interesting. A very good chapter, as far as I could tell. I'm impressed.
I really like Tegan/Niren's character. The cold heartless ones are always the interesting ones. ^_^
Chapter 3 soon, please!
~Angel of Darkness~
Well, that was interesting. A very good chapter, as far as I could tell. I'm impressed.
I really like Tegan/Niren's character. The cold heartless ones are always the interesting ones. ^_^
Chapter 3 soon, please!
~Angel of Darkness~
3/25/2004 c3 DarkSyren
m, very good, but considering how long it took you to update its too short. I definately like Niren's pov better of the two, but i think its just because she is more like you and you are probably more comfortable writing a character like hers. i think. that's just my opinion. sorry for the short review. i es sleepy and sleep es good.
much love,
~darksyren
m, very good, but considering how long it took you to update its too short. I definately like Niren's pov better of the two, but i think its just because she is more like you and you are probably more comfortable writing a character like hers. i think. that's just my opinion. sorry for the short review. i es sleepy and sleep es good.
much love,
~darksyren
3/22/2004 c3 Princess Amarys
Much, Much better than the rough draft. I like the difference b/w writing styles, i don't know if you notice, but Crystyn's is a lot less fluid, which kind of fits her character. (if you didn't mean to do that, it still works.) I like the way you are developing the charact5ers...and am still in love with Bane...HES SO CUTE! ok enough squeaking...have to save my voice for Friday...see ya tommorow! Ama
Much, Much better than the rough draft. I like the difference b/w writing styles, i don't know if you notice, but Crystyn's is a lot less fluid, which kind of fits her character. (if you didn't mean to do that, it still works.) I like the way you are developing the charact5ers...and am still in love with Bane...HES SO CUTE! ok enough squeaking...have to save my voice for Friday...see ya tommorow! Ama
3/22/2004 c3 3Elfie
Wow, this was a great chapter! I have to wonder though, at Tegan. It seems that by not listening to Cristyn's tales, she might actaully accidently endanger Cristyn's life b/c she doesn't like royalty. However, she did promise her captain, so I wonder if she'll change her attitude? HM. I love stories that make me wonder like this! Makes them very interesting to read! Can't wait to read more!
3ElfieWow, this was a great chapter! I have to wonder though, at Tegan. It seems that by not listening to Cristyn's tales, she might actaully accidently endanger Cristyn's life b/c she doesn't like royalty. However, she did promise her captain, so I wonder if she'll change her attitude? HM. I love stories that make me wonder like this! Makes them very interesting to read! Can't wait to read more!
3/22/2004 c3 Lillian and Lime
Hi there! I really LOVE Niren! I still found her POVs more interesting than Cristyn's, lol! This time I got Lime to review too ;P
HEY! DON'T LISTEN TO HER... I LIKE CRISTYN'S PERSONALITY, I THINK IT SUITS THE CHARACTER VERY WELL. I LIKE THE CONTRAST BETWEEN BOTH POVs, IT MAKES THE CHAPTER VERY INTERESTING.
Both: So, although you already know that, KEEP WRITING! We like the story a lot! ;D
Hi there! I really LOVE Niren! I still found her POVs more interesting than Cristyn's, lol! This time I got Lime to review too ;P
HEY! DON'T LISTEN TO HER... I LIKE CRISTYN'S PERSONALITY, I THINK IT SUITS THE CHARACTER VERY WELL. I LIKE THE CONTRAST BETWEEN BOTH POVs, IT MAKES THE CHAPTER VERY INTERESTING.
Both: So, although you already know that, KEEP WRITING! We like the story a lot! ;D
3/4/2004 c2 Elfie
OH wow, this story is amazing, had me enthralled the whole time! I really like the story in Niren's (Tegan's) point of view, it's really good. Through the whole thing I was wondering if Niren and her captain are going to be involved romatically...or her other friend...I can't wait!
OH wow, this story is amazing, had me enthralled the whole time! I really like the story in Niren's (Tegan's) point of view, it's really good. Through the whole thing I was wondering if Niren and her captain are going to be involved romatically...or her other friend...I can't wait!
1/31/2004 c2 Lillian
Just a quick note because my mum is about to kill me, lol! I really like this story, I think is very well written and it's... hum, I forgot the word (I wanted to say it makes sense, but there's a word for that...). I would prefer to have a Niren's POV chapter, I think it would be more interesting than Cristyn. But you can make both ^-^ Gotta go!
Just a quick note because my mum is about to kill me, lol! I really like this story, I think is very well written and it's... hum, I forgot the word (I wanted to say it makes sense, but there's a word for that...). I would prefer to have a Niren's POV chapter, I think it would be more interesting than Cristyn. But you can make both ^-^ Gotta go!
1/23/2004 c2 Angel of Darkness
Hm, I think that you could do Niren's POV, but not Cristyn. The story is developing well, I hope you carry on.
I'll be waiting eagerly for the next chappie!
Hm, I think that you could do Niren's POV, but not Cristyn. The story is developing well, I hope you carry on.
I'll be waiting eagerly for the next chappie!
1/15/2004 c1 DarkSyren
alright, i finally figured out why my reviews are being cut off. why am i so stoopid? okay, the last part of the review of the first chapter was this: if i were to compare to art... then even if someone was alot better than me i'd be able to tell if perspective was slightly off or some other little detail. i don't remember where i was going with that...but i think it was something like. uhm. even though you're alot better than me...i'd...okay i forgot again. just forget it. all i wanted to say i guesh, was this chapter is really good. i daren't touch it. it's perfect.
alright, i finally figured out why my reviews are being cut off. why am i so stoopid? okay, the last part of the review of the first chapter was this: if i were to compare to art... then even if someone was alot better than me i'd be able to tell if perspective was slightly off or some other little detail. i don't remember where i was going with that...but i think it was something like. uhm. even though you're alot better than me...i'd...okay i forgot again. just forget it. all i wanted to say i guesh, was this chapter is really good. i daren't touch it. it's perfect.
1/15/2004 c2 17Dark Syren
ok. i was so lost in my reading i felt like i read two paragraphs. i was about to deal out some sort of verbal punishment for writing such a short chapter but now as i look back i see it wasn't short. maybe a little. gah. you'd better update soon. i know where you live. heh. no, seriously. update. in fact, you had better be working on this one as i speak (type...whatever). okay? oh, by the way, great job! i love it!
17Dark Syrenok. i was so lost in my reading i felt like i read two paragraphs. i was about to deal out some sort of verbal punishment for writing such a short chapter but now as i look back i see it wasn't short. maybe a little. gah. you'd better update soon. i know where you live. heh. no, seriously. update. in fact, you had better be working on this one as i speak (type...whatever). okay? oh, by the way, great job! i love it!
1/15/2004 c1 Dark Syren
This chapter is really intense. i mean, of coarse i thought it was going to be good...but this is rather astounding. i know this is supposed to be a review but i can't critique something i could never do myself. i mean, if i compare it to art (cuz i compare everything to art. _
This chapter is really intense. i mean, of coarse i thought it was going to be good...but this is rather astounding. i know this is supposed to be a review but i can't critique something i could never do myself. i mean, if i compare it to art (cuz i compare everything to art. _
1/12/2004 c2 Amarys
So is niren her REAL name? this is probably gonna be a lng review so settle in. * pops back* Alright
As usual your writing i great with just enoguh amount of dialogue and description to keep things going. The part where you were talking about niren's horse and arisel's horse was pretty choppy...I think because of the lack of names..horeses should have names! (you know that)
The phrase 'mercernary nd assasin traing' makes it sound like she went to college...maybe say something different..."Assasin in me?" whatever you want
other than that pretty good...I as expecting worse the way you talked aobut it. If Crystyn is going to be a main character efinitely use her point of view...With Noren's biase we sould get to know her own thoughts too. Other than that all is well. *pops back agin.* ow. my neck hurts. Whine whine whine. heheh. Lia
So is niren her REAL name? this is probably gonna be a lng review so settle in. * pops back* Alright
As usual your writing i great with just enoguh amount of dialogue and description to keep things going. The part where you were talking about niren's horse and arisel's horse was pretty choppy...I think because of the lack of names..horeses should have names! (you know that)
The phrase 'mercernary nd assasin traing' makes it sound like she went to college...maybe say something different..."Assasin in me?" whatever you want
other than that pretty good...I as expecting worse the way you talked aobut it. If Crystyn is going to be a main character efinitely use her point of view...With Noren's biase we sould get to know her own thoughts too. Other than that all is well. *pops back agin.* ow. my neck hurts. Whine whine whine. heheh. Lia
1/3/2004 c1 Lia
Weep…Not fair…I hate death…well written though, and I wonder if this was a little inspired by Riders call(?) just thinking how she and Bard were friends and he got killed too…sigh. Well, at least Bane survived . The captain should have a good name…but I need to know a little more about him before I can settle on one…And of course it's your story…Not like I'D be naming your characters r anything…I've got my own names to think of besides…
Weep…Not fair…I hate death…well written though, and I wonder if this was a little inspired by Riders call(?) just thinking how she and Bard were friends and he got killed too…sigh. Well, at least Bane survived . The captain should have a good name…but I need to know a little more about him before I can settle on one…And of course it's your story…Not like I'D be naming your characters r anything…I've got my own names to think of besides…