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for Chocolate Smoke, wish i were dreaming

3/23/2006 c1 itsnotmycastle
That was just beautiful. I could see every image in my head.
1/28/2004 c1 43James Rain
Wow, did you cook this thing up in your head. You don't find stories like this often. It doesn't serve to the entertainment of the masses, but rather, the author. I definitely got the sense that this story was written without an audience in mind. Have a guessed correctly?
I really liked some of the descriptions, especially the he smells of music part and the very end: "we dump every ounce of pain everywhere, splatter it all over the walls and our faces, ourselves, smear it into our hair. And it hurts so much more now that we can both see it. So we tell each other everything." It is very poetic and interesting.
There are some format problems, like so: "somethingÕs changed," the apostrophe's seem to be missing, replaced by that odd, "Nya" O. Also, proofread one more time, for there are some awkward sentences in the beginning.
I really liked the story though. It was very unexpected. Very good overall. I'm putting this on my favorites.
1/10/2004 c1 18flying blind
you use discription really well, i really like this. the ending is beautiful! =)
Very well done
1/4/2004 c1 Just Wolf
i really liked the ending. it was a beautiful way to finish. i liked the descriptions of your friend, "huge brown, eyes, lashes, tears." that's perfect, it describes so much of someone with just a few words. the whole story was lovely, anyway.

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