Just In
for Bittersweet

1/10/2004 c1 27Morcar
The rhyme scheme in this is actually rather good, and as a way of portraying a confused and chaotic state of mind without sacrificing structure, the switch between rhymed and assonant verses works very well (that being said, I still think that "cut my skin with twists" is a bit of a dodgy rhyme)
The sentiment, unfortunately, is deeply self indulgant (boiling down as it does to "oh I am so hard done by, one day I'll kill myself and then you'll be sorry"). Now I don't deny that there are a fair old number of excellent poems that boil down to the same thing, but you need to be a fabulously good poet to get away with that sort of thing.
1/10/2004 c1 overanddonewith
Wow... very haunting. The rythem and tone are even and it flows perfectly.
Dark subject, but beautifully expressed. Brings my own thoughts into clearer focus.
Well done.

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service