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for A Stream Of Blood Soaked Conciousness

3/11/2006 c1 18Plinky
Wow, this is amazing. Such a strong voice for such a punctuationless (That's a fun word) poem.

Amazing poem. "Oh the blood... the blood..."

6/16/2004 c1 5Anything but Normal
u write awesome poetery. keep writing.
5/30/2004 c1 20Demon Donatello
Wow, very well written. I would read the story, but I'm so time pressed I can barely review this _ I have quite a bit of homework, so after I type this I have to log off. Well done! But one bit of advice : It was sorta confusing to read, try either seperating the lines or using commas. Example : "...I am horrified, your blood runs cold on my limp hands, as I star into those..." and "...I love, love, love, I love..." And capitalization too. Just a bit of advice, you don't have to do any of that if you don't want to. Great job, though!
4/17/2004 c1 56CaitSpain
Wow. Defin...def...definitely different. You should write more like this. It kinda suits you.
Wee! I'm on a reviewing kick today!
4/2/2004 c1 21featherlight
Chilling. The person in the poem is obviously shocked, frozen...it's amazing. I love this. *adds to favorites*
3/13/2004 c1 Unchained Soul
Wow wow wow, I could see it, awesome imagery. So much hatred and love all in one, well done.
2/7/2004 c1 Melissa Lea Night
very very very nice. this is awsome, i liked the line about that the character felt the heart beat in his hands and the blood running cold on his hands. its just very powerful.
2/2/2004 c1 83Nails For Your Crucifix
It's different but it's a good different. I really love the title and the 1st stanza. Ending was good but not as strong as it could have been. It starts out really intense and sort of dies down. But quality still remains. Nice job.
1/29/2004 c1 7mesfab
I loved the way you connected each of the lines of the poem with the last word. It added quite a bit to the poem with that.
1/14/2004 c1 lady-of-the-wind
You know KG this brings to me some powerful thoughts...I really liked your word choice and just the general way it was written, well done, yet AGAIN ^_^
1/12/2004 c1 MindTear
well, interesting. this is your best piece yet, at least out of the ones i've read. the only thing i have to say negatively about it is that you use blood six times (and in the title)... varying the word choice a little and perhaps providing a dual symbol that relates to blood and also to something else (perhaps the motivation for writing the poem) would clarify that a lot and add a deep and subtle element. but i'm not telling you how to write your poetry, i'm suggesting a way to stop the overly repeated "blood"s. although the repetition is a cool element, repetition is typically gotten after the 3rd or fourth repetition... such that it formulates a pattern. i would further suggest changing "your blood runs cold" to something else, for a variety of reasons. it will remove the cliché... add/continue the element of a description/metaphor of something that blood is equated to in your mind, and take away some of the repetition. you could do it the line before also, making it a two-line metaphor where the transition into the second stanza is given by the change from the blood to the whatever you decide to add.
but it's great as it is... you really show an ability here with rhythm, using the style excellently to get the flow the way you wanted it to be. this one reads very well...
on a side note, this one seems to be "formatted", if you could call it that, very differently than your other poems. i hate the actual format, no quotes this time, of poetry where each line is commatized (commad, commafied...), causing unnatural separation of things that would flow better uncommatified. :) basically, what i'm asking so discreetly is if you had some sort of influence of style recently... (me?) woops. there it is. is that rude, to think you influence people? i might be wrong, but it seems that the connection of the words is rare, and you had just read some of my poems for the first time. hrmm. i'm sounding arrogant, but really, i just think it's very cool the way you styled this one, influenced by me or not. i like the way you separate lines even though it wasn't exactly finished, but sorta was... it adds an element of double meanings and gives a distinctive rhythm. "you made me you" or "you made me, you should have stopped talking".
anyway, this is a deep and meaningful poem you've written here... you express a lot of your emotion eloquently and powerfully. this truly is art, and I'm rarely ever able to say that.
1/12/2004 c1 117Seras Nova
I felt a bit teary at the end...wow...such powerful emotion displayed here. It's shocking, it reminds me of my one short story except she wasnt really...too nice at then end or sorry...um yea. Anyway...great work Namir! YOU ROCK!
(see, I made up for my babbling!)
Keep writing.
1/11/2004 c1 K.G. Hollingsworth
Umm. *Covers his eyes* Should I be scared of you now? *Grins*
Well done. It's good to see you stretching out and trying new things. Keep it up... Maybe a little less psycho next time though. ^_~
1/11/2004 c1 Obliquity
VERY well done: I love how the point of focus keeps changing and the poem is purely emotional, without punctuation or grammer... It reminds me of Stephen King's style. You are an AWESOME POSSUM poet KG. YEAH.

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