for Untitled2/2/2004 c1 
123breakdown in the waiting room
I think you acheived your goal.
"with my mind below my waist,
I wondered how her touch would feel,
or how her tongue would taste."
Love those lines.
A few typos, and I though the line "but I still know nothing of her tongue. . ." upset the flow of that stanza and that the use of the word elf was a little silly. I didn't like the exclamation points, either, but that's personal preference.
-Jessica
123breakdown in the waiting roomI think you acheived your goal.
"with my mind below my waist,
I wondered how her touch would feel,
or how her tongue would taste."
Love those lines.
A few typos, and I though the line "but I still know nothing of her tongue. . ." upset the flow of that stanza and that the use of the word elf was a little silly. I didn't like the exclamation points, either, but that's personal preference.
-Jessica
2/1/2004 c1 12haikumoon
I really like how this poem tells a story. Its not just some expression of emotion, but it paint a picture as well. Very nice.
~OBF~
12haikumoonI really like how this poem tells a story. Its not just some expression of emotion, but it paint a picture as well. Very nice.
~OBF~
2/1/2004 c1 9Titanium Dream
Lovely, disturbing twist at the end... How do you pull romance off without it sounding soppy?
9Titanium DreamLovely, disturbing twist at the end... How do you pull romance off without it sounding soppy?
1/19/2004 c1 20midnights shadow
Hmm. I think this has many more meanings than I first thought. Will be rereading it...
20midnights shadowHmm. I think this has many more meanings than I first thought. Will be rereading it...