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for The Girl Next Door

8/8/2018 c17 JSBRT
I'm sure that death is our final goal, but in every moment that we live, we live for the greater history of the world. I love this story.
2/19/2011 c17 The Anonymous Candybar
So. Um. Wow.

You know how to make people think. This was deep. Keith kind of reminds me of myself in that he seems so much more concerned with life and the insignificance mankind seems to have than other kids his age.

I actually had to stop reading several times so that I could stop and think before I got a headache from all of the thoughts whirling around in my head. It's almost frightening how much those seventeen walls of text made me reflect on my life thus far. Granted I haven't been around as long as most people so I don't have as much to look back on, but even so. I thought and that's what real literature is supposed to make you do. Think. People don't seem to do that so much anymore.

It's kind of funny. At the end Keith mentions how little impact an arrangement of letters has on other people, but if you arrange them just right the letters can make a person stop everything and stare at them for a while. Consider them.

I knew from relatively early on things wouldn't end well in this particular "arrangement of words." I don't like unhappy endings where the problem is only solved because the main character dies. It's too similar to real life for me. I read to escape. I don't want to be reminded of what humans can be and what they sometimes are. But I just can't bring myself to look down on this. I can't. You had a point. You drove it home. I don't know if you were just tapping on a keyboard for the kicks and giggles or if you thought this out for years on end, but every word seems like it was planned from the beginning. Everything was there for a reason.

Even the part where it mentions he was dropped when he was born goes to develop his personality and circumstance, despite the fact it isn't brought up much afterwards.

You did a great job with this. I'm glad I found it and read it.
11/27/2010 c1 3Leo Eigenmann
wow.
2/18/2008 c17 oxlietome90ox
when I began reading it, i wasnt sure if i was going to enjoy it, and as i read the last chapter it made up for everything that i disliked in the earlier chapters especially the last bit of it. Great job!
7/4/2006 c17 2akaCHEEKS
i love that! i love the ending part! it's so iono how to explain it.. soo true i guess.. but it's just soo much more! i love it! can i copy this part and like show it off to my friends i promise i'll put your name on there! please? it's so o morbid in a way but true so recklessly true.. i mean wow.. is the only word that can describe it you know...
4/30/2006 c17 15justine dayea
you have unconventional style in writing, and i'm impressd with it. straight to the point and you don't need to use complicated words to tell your story.

Good job

-melai
3/13/2006 c17 Firestorm Monarch
wow... first off, I must say... you really do have a sick, twisted imagination... keep it up XP... the last chapter was really deep, I especially like the quotes: "Time renders each living man worthless.Throughout his lifetime, a man can kick, scream, murder, and conquer, but in the end he'll have achieved nothing but the reckless displacement of atoms."

too true... its always interesting comparing the power of man to death, or nature... Men go about thinking they rule the world, but all it takes is a slight quake of the earth or a hurricane to completely erase these same men from the face of the earth... I think the world rules man, NOT the other way around... "When time moves forward, flowers wilt, trees die, buildings crumble, and joyful little children turn greedy and sinful. Not even the purity of youth can hold back time. Behind each prostitute and behind each wrinkly old granny is an innocent little girl, a masterpiece of Creation that inevitably faces corruption by the hands of humanity."

time is such a fascinating... thing? idea? being? idk... it seems so intangible, and yet the effects of time are visible everywhere... "When people tell you to get a life, they're telling you to live a way they think is correct. Fact is there is no correct way to live life. Each person chooses his own path."

yes, Yes, YES! its time people start realizing everyone is different, and stop fucking with anyone who is "strange" or lives life a little differently... I mean, could someone, somewhere truly write down a list of ways to live life, and define what is "strange" or "abnormal"? HELL NO! argh... I hate people who are prejudice... yes, this makes me prejudice, too, but I hate myself anyway, so it doesnt matter XP ... anyway... "I must admit I don't have too many friends at school. But I don't really care. A lot of kids at school nowadays treat friendship like money—whoever has most wins. Rich people show off their money with nice cars and big houses. Popular kids show off their friends by hanging around in large groups and talking non-stop about all the wonderful things they did over the weekend."

god, I get sick of this... this quote is like a page out of the book of my life... the trouble is, it is sometimes quite difficult not to care... I mean, sometimes one just NEEDS a shoulder to cry on, or an ear to talk to, or someone to goof off with... loneliness sucks just as much as living a superficial life with tons of "friends" that leave you the moment you get fat, or wierd, or just decide they don't like you anymore... "But happiness is not something I could fake..."

again, very good observation... its hard to fake any emotion, whther its faking grief because of the death of a total stranger, or happiness on one of those days that just sucks like hell... the people one sees that are always smiling annoy me, because they are just hiding their true feelings... they are trying to be positive about it, obviously, as a smile is much more positive than a frown (well, DUH! *stupid slaps self*) but still... *sigh* this review is more like a personal rant I'm afraid... bleh... but anyways... great story, keep it up... and I like the creative and slightly unusual subject matter in what Ive read of yours so far (The Girl Next Door, The Allure of Virginity) I hope the rest of your work is as well-written and "sick" as these two stories are... (though I guess the "sick" part was more strongly expressed in the reviews for Allure...) anyway, id ask you to R&R my stuff, but A: I havent had time to put any of it on the site, B: I don't know if you're ever going to read this review anyway...:) but keep up the good work...
12/31/2005 c17 12K. L. Topaz
wow...
12/23/2004 c17 3Dire deWolf
This is one of the most sad stories I have ever read, but then again I liked how the story ended on a more cheerful note...even if it was death.
11/27/2004 c17 5RedRumMurder
You have problems man. But doesn't the majority of this website? Anyway you should really think of neatening this story up and publishing it one day. Its really good.
9/21/2004 c1 44Stormer
Interesting story so far. I will definitely read on! I like your writing. It is unique somehow, and engaging.
9/15/2004 c8 3Storm Karstark
This is pretty good so far; there are little grammar errors that make my eye twitch, but nothing that a good beta couldn't solve. It's a kooky plot, but that seems to be your forte, so you might as well run with it.
Also, the events tend to skip around a bit; having a more even flow to the story would make it easier to read.
Other than that, I really like it.
Keep on keepin' on,
Storm
6/21/2004 c17 Queen Niamh
Hey, this was really good. After I read your essay the other day, I decided to read some of your other stuff. The ending shocked me. I wasn't expecting them to die, but I think you made it work perfectly. Sometimes the only way people can be together is in death. Erika was finally able to escape from her pain. Good job of portraying that anyway. Well, keep up the good work :) and come review me if you get a chance. I'd really appreciate your comments.
6/5/2004 c3 2That'sNotMe
okay... sorry I always start with the negative... I prefer leaving the best for last! Again, showing, not telling will help give your story some smoothness and will make it easier for readers to get in to it. In the dream, the description of the girl as "cute, not sexy" is unrealistic. I doubt that's what Keith would have been thinking about. YOu could describe some strange, unknown attraction between them if you wanted, but I think it would be best to focus more on the dream and the surrealness of it. (is surrealness a word? Oh well) Also... there are a lot of confusing aspects of the setting. Is this in England, or the US? The spelling is generally British, and so are the cricket balls, but Wayne worshiping a dollar sign is definitely American. Either change it to a pound sign, or change cricket to baseball.
Now the good! the dream itself was good, although again more showing instead of telling would be beneficial. I was sad to hear that Jesse left for France. She was my favorite character, so I hope she will return. It's good that you've gotten people to connect with her, since Keith does as well.
I'll go on to chapters 4 and on tomorrow. I hope my reviews are helpful.
6/5/2004 c2 That'sNotMe
Jesse going off to college and leaving two seven-year-olds alone seems unlikely, especially given how you've set up Jesse's character. If you just wanted to get her away so she wouldn't be around for Keith's falling into Wayne's yard, just have her stay inside cleaning up the kitchen or studying or something. Also, Wayne worshiping the dollar sign seems a bit out there, even for him. If that's really important later, keep it, but if you can change it, I'd suggest doing that.
But you've set Wayne up well otherwise as pretty creepy and sneaky. I really like Jesse, too. I loved that description about mean Christians and nice Christians. It seemed like an innocent observation by a seven-year-old. Okay... chapter 3 is next.
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