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for The Girl Next Door

3/26/2004 c7 3DHABUZ
o
shes going out with you
nice
3/26/2004 c6 DHABUZ
nice
3/26/2004 c5 DHABUZ
wow the ends interesting
3/26/2004 c4 DHABUZ
some thing tells me are u in love
3/26/2004 c3 DHABUZ
man ur a draemer
3/26/2004 c2 DHABUZ
lolz
thats wierd about undies
3/26/2004 c1 DHABUZ
interesting ill read more
3/23/2004 c17 doodle critter
Wow! I read this from start to finish in one sitting and I'm just in awe...The ending was very unexpected, but it worked out nicely.
But the only thing I didn't like, was that throughout the story you just threw in things out of the blue that could've had a smoother transition and worked a bit better.
Other than that, I loved the story! I'm off to read your other stories and thanks for reviewing on my story!
3/22/2004 c17 fayreweill
yours is one of the few stories that actually held my attention (i usually have a ten second attention span). :) keep writing!
3/20/2004 c17 31BleedingClowns13
wow...interesting story ya got there man. iunno it was good. kinda weird, but w/e hah.
-Mandy-
3/14/2004 c17 35pixy-dizzy
whoa...that ending was unexpected. But so beautiful. And now I have another theory-no, not theory; more like...vision-of death. There are so many different possibilites, aren't there? Maybe it's all of them.
Sorry. I'm feeling morbid today. And thank you for reviewing my poem! Great piece of fiction, again.
3/12/2004 c17 14The Ruin
This is brilliant - I read it straight from start to finish easily. Very compelling and a fantastic bit of storytelling. You write very well: characters are well developed, realistic and interesting. Also particularly good were the observations, especially as they remained in character.
Not always a nice story (obviously), but well observed, very well written.
Also, thanks for your reviews.
3/10/2004 c17 James
Wow. Amazing. Absolutely amazing.
3/10/2004 c17 9Tharla
Great story, I really enjoyed reading it. It had it's humorous and serious moments and I feel for Erika. It wasn't right for them to die but I do like that ending better than if some miracle had happened and they had lived. I don't really understand what the red cordial was supposed to be symbolic of-if anything at all but I loved the imagery and the end "morals" of the story. I just have a few comments:
*Some pieces of information just seem slipped in and out of place. (IE Chap 13. The needles at the doctors-completely random. Could have integrated it in smoother.)
*Sometimes the characters seem so devoid of emotion. When they talk to each other, it’s as if they just say things without any feeling.
Overall, great story, I loved it. I'll make sure to R&R your other stories! Keep writing, you're really talented!
3/10/2004 c12 Tharla
Just a quick comment (I realized that I've been leaving really long reviews-I hope you don't mind), but the beginning of this chapter you mix up your tenses. Some of it is in present tense while other parts are in past.
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