for Collecting Dust5/11/2005 c1 jessica smith
hey, gurlie! just wanted to say that this poem rocks my socks off! hooah!
if you want me to be a critic, then i think the first paragraph is a bit short for the poem and that you should add a couple verses but otherwise, its totally awesome, dude!
hey, gurlie! just wanted to say that this poem rocks my socks off! hooah!
if you want me to be a critic, then i think the first paragraph is a bit short for the poem and that you should add a couple verses but otherwise, its totally awesome, dude!
1/25/2005 c1 
4Morgan Wolf Russell
This is really well done. The only things I'd change are the fourth line of the second stanza- I'd leave out the "that" to give it better rhythm- and the kind of awkward line "for of his hands they lack". Maybe I'd change it to "his little hands they lack" or something like that. All in all, very nicely done. Good rhythym overall, great imagery. You are a very accomplished poet.
4Morgan Wolf RussellThis is really well done. The only things I'd change are the fourth line of the second stanza- I'd leave out the "that" to give it better rhythm- and the kind of awkward line "for of his hands they lack". Maybe I'd change it to "his little hands they lack" or something like that. All in all, very nicely done. Good rhythym overall, great imagery. You are a very accomplished poet.
12/21/2004 c1 alice
it's absolutely mind blowing. beyond anything anyone with a GPA could imagine. i can completely understand every feeling from every detail in the lil boy's room. no one person could ever write something so beautiful and touching. amazing.
it's absolutely mind blowing. beyond anything anyone with a GPA could imagine. i can completely understand every feeling from every detail in the lil boy's room. no one person could ever write something so beautiful and touching. amazing.
11/29/2004 c1 gold against the soul
I thought this poem improved as I read on. As soon as you start describing the boy's old room, the poems goes up a level; from good to excellent. My favorite of yours so far.
I thought this poem improved as I read on. As soon as you start describing the boy's old room, the poems goes up a level; from good to excellent. My favorite of yours so far.
8/20/2004 c1 42Emmytastic gal
OMG THATS AN AMAZING POEM. I really think its great... you're a very talented author. You painted a picture so bright and vivid in our minds of this poor woman's sorrow... *sniff* awesome work. * if u get any time please can you review some of my stuff? thank you so much* write on...
42Emmytastic galOMG THATS AN AMAZING POEM. I really think its great... you're a very talented author. You painted a picture so bright and vivid in our minds of this poor woman's sorrow... *sniff* awesome work. * if u get any time please can you review some of my stuff? thank you so much* write on...
4/11/2004 c1 22Loki Mischeif-Maker
Wow. I love the feel of this poem. It's so sad, so full of emotion. You are good at this!
PS About your review- Nowhere is Lynchburg (Phil Vasar grew up here, it's in American Child). Loki's a Norse god, but yeah, as in the god. I tried to make "Between" ryme, but it sounded to forced, like all my rhyming poems, so I used free verse.
Your rhymes, however, do not sound forced, and I love the power of this poem.
Keep it up!
Cheers!
22Loki Mischeif-MakerWow. I love the feel of this poem. It's so sad, so full of emotion. You are good at this!
PS About your review- Nowhere is Lynchburg (Phil Vasar grew up here, it's in American Child). Loki's a Norse god, but yeah, as in the god. I tried to make "Between" ryme, but it sounded to forced, like all my rhyming poems, so I used free verse.
Your rhymes, however, do not sound forced, and I love the power of this poem.
Keep it up!
Cheers!
3/20/2004 c1 8Rosemary Greene
This is sad but almost very symbolic with the teddy bear. Very good job. Nice protrayal and good job!
Raven Demon
8Rosemary GreeneThis is sad but almost very symbolic with the teddy bear. Very good job. Nice protrayal and good job!
Raven Demon
2/11/2004 c1 12Legless-Catapillar
Thanks for your review..yay someone else is actually critical in their reviews. I like this last stanza as it sums up the rest of the poem well -'All memories collecting dust' very good. Hoever, not must use of punctuation..don't know it that was intentional but some of them run on & don't make much sense. Also some of the rhyming is predictable.
12Legless-CatapillarThanks for your review..yay someone else is actually critical in their reviews. I like this last stanza as it sums up the rest of the poem well -'All memories collecting dust' very good. Hoever, not must use of punctuation..don't know it that was intentional but some of them run on & don't make much sense. Also some of the rhyming is predictable.
2/2/2004 c1 LAuren
Excellent I LOVE IT you are really the writing type MaRY
Excellent I LOVE IT you are really the writing type MaRY
1/28/2004 c1 simpleplan13
amazing poem... its awesome.. you show great emotion and the ending is so sad.. i love how you reflect back.. great job!
amazing poem... its awesome.. you show great emotion and the ending is so sad.. i love how you reflect back.. great job!