for Patricks and Westerns6/15/2004 c26 CheesyBiscuits
oh gosh this story is so sad. i NEVER cry. and here i am. tears welling up in my eyes and me struggling to hold them back. i HATE sad stories. this is so sad. plz make a sequel. i hate crying. i NEED my happy ending!(pathetic arnt i? but its true. plz make a sequel)
oh gosh this story is so sad. i NEVER cry. and here i am. tears welling up in my eyes and me struggling to hold them back. i HATE sad stories. this is so sad. plz make a sequel. i hate crying. i NEED my happy ending!(pathetic arnt i? but its true. plz make a sequel)
6/14/2004 c26 
13moon-girl1
Just read the whole thing through in two days! It was, overall, very good! I loved the ending. It was just perfect. And if you intend to use french in your next story, I would be happy to beta those parts for you since my mother thongue is french. I'm from Quebec so I can speak the "québécois" too (which is very different from the french of France)if you want to include that!
My e-mail is in my profile!
Véronique
13moon-girl1Just read the whole thing through in two days! It was, overall, very good! I loved the ending. It was just perfect. And if you intend to use french in your next story, I would be happy to beta those parts for you since my mother thongue is french. I'm from Quebec so I can speak the "québécois" too (which is very different from the french of France)if you want to include that!
My e-mail is in my profile!
Véronique
6/14/2004 c26 3jester on the sideline
ill be a beta reader! yay! fun! lets see...i havnt done much, but i have a few poems published if that counts :/ but there's a first time for everything. I'm AsianRiceEater's beta reader... is there such thing as a 'beta' reader? w/e! lol!
3jester on the sidelineill be a beta reader! yay! fun! lets see...i havnt done much, but i have a few poems published if that counts :/ but there's a first time for everything. I'm AsianRiceEater's beta reader... is there such thing as a 'beta' reader? w/e! lol!
6/14/2004 c25 sammy
Amazing.
Amazing.
6/14/2004 c26 1a moo
urm... is a beta reader kinda person that reads it before and well tells you how it is or something? well i can read it for you if u want... woteva... (i don't think i'm a very good writer... well check my stories out if u want)
1a moourm... is a beta reader kinda person that reads it before and well tells you how it is or something? well i can read it for you if u want... woteva... (i don't think i'm a very good writer... well check my stories out if u want)
6/13/2004 c26 49Endowment's Seraph
well, I'm a writer here, and I'm a beta for two other ppl. just wanting to tell you what it was, cuz don't worry I didn't know either. it's the person that corrects and edits your chapters, makes sure there are no mistakes. good luck! (oh yeah, and I'm interested. just incase I didn't mention that yet)
~Mel
49Endowment's Seraphwell, I'm a writer here, and I'm a beta for two other ppl. just wanting to tell you what it was, cuz don't worry I didn't know either. it's the person that corrects and edits your chapters, makes sure there are no mistakes. good luck! (oh yeah, and I'm interested. just incase I didn't mention that yet)
~Mel
6/13/2004 c26 rachelanotherherosanglyahoo.com
hey, I'd be happy 2 beta u
hey, I'd be happy 2 beta u
6/13/2004 c26 1noodleashy143
Um I've never really been a Beta before, but I could be I guess. I'm in the middle of writing my own story myself ( its on the site here). If it helps at all, I'm taking AP english next year so I guess it means I know the rules of english lol.
1noodleashy143Um I've never really been a Beta before, but I could be I guess. I'm in the middle of writing my own story myself ( its on the site here). If it helps at all, I'm taking AP english next year so I guess it means I know the rules of english lol.
6/9/2004 c25 Emma
i loved it, i didnt like the ending but as you said it was the only possible ending, otherwise it would be to predictable. Definatly revise it as it could be really good it just needed a bit of work. Once again i really enjoyed reading it.
i loved it, i didnt like the ending but as you said it was the only possible ending, otherwise it would be to predictable. Definatly revise it as it could be really good it just needed a bit of work. Once again i really enjoyed reading it.
6/8/2004 c19 TwinkieChica
You have a good writing foundation, it's not horribly written without any punctuation or grammer or originality like many stories. However, I'll do my best not to be mean in this review, though I'm sure it will stick out since you've had so much praise for this story.
1)You don't want to ever put an A/N in the middle of your story. It takes away from a story's flow, not to mention detracts from any professionalism.
2)Vocabulary - basically, work on improving it and using better words. Be much more descriptive. Try to focus less on what characters are saying. One key to becoming a good author is having less dialogue and more interaction through description.
3)Syntax - make your sentences longer and more varied. A good writer uses syntax to their advantage, to help create the mood and add to the story. A story full of short, stilted, noun-verb sentences does not show that a writer has depth and creativity.
4)Punctuation - use those commas! They're such a small writing tool, but makes a difference. Many of your sentences need commas to be grammatically correct. Along with what I said under syntax, write sentences that need commas.
5)Originality - your plot isn't too overused, but I'd challenge you to find something completely different. There are a ton of teen romances on this site, and most of them tend to sound the same after awhile. Dare to be different, so to speak.
6)Get a Beta, someone to read your story, correct grammer, and offer suggestions.
I'm honestly not the best one to give you tips, because I'm a horrible writer when it comes to fiction. However, I have read a lot of books and a lot of fiction on this site and ff.net. I've seen the amazing (ex. S.J. Maas's story Queen of Glass - it should be published) to the horrible, and most people can tell when they read the horrible. Your story falls someplace in between. I hope you take these suggestions to heart and really try to improve your writing.
You have a good writing foundation, it's not horribly written without any punctuation or grammer or originality like many stories. However, I'll do my best not to be mean in this review, though I'm sure it will stick out since you've had so much praise for this story.
1)You don't want to ever put an A/N in the middle of your story. It takes away from a story's flow, not to mention detracts from any professionalism.
2)Vocabulary - basically, work on improving it and using better words. Be much more descriptive. Try to focus less on what characters are saying. One key to becoming a good author is having less dialogue and more interaction through description.
3)Syntax - make your sentences longer and more varied. A good writer uses syntax to their advantage, to help create the mood and add to the story. A story full of short, stilted, noun-verb sentences does not show that a writer has depth and creativity.
4)Punctuation - use those commas! They're such a small writing tool, but makes a difference. Many of your sentences need commas to be grammatically correct. Along with what I said under syntax, write sentences that need commas.
5)Originality - your plot isn't too overused, but I'd challenge you to find something completely different. There are a ton of teen romances on this site, and most of them tend to sound the same after awhile. Dare to be different, so to speak.
6)Get a Beta, someone to read your story, correct grammer, and offer suggestions.
I'm honestly not the best one to give you tips, because I'm a horrible writer when it comes to fiction. However, I have read a lot of books and a lot of fiction on this site and ff.net. I've seen the amazing (ex. S.J. Maas's story Queen of Glass - it should be published) to the horrible, and most people can tell when they read the horrible. Your story falls someplace in between. I hope you take these suggestions to heart and really try to improve your writing.
6/5/2004 c25 amazonwitchqueen
this was a good story. i didnt like the fight that they had towards the end, it was hard to imagine realistically, things getting that personal so quickly but arguing is different for different people. also being the sappy romantic that i am, i wanted to end the story in a different way but you did have a unique ending.
this was a good story. i didnt like the fight that they had towards the end, it was hard to imagine realistically, things getting that personal so quickly but arguing is different for different people. also being the sappy romantic that i am, i wanted to end the story in a different way but you did have a unique ending.
6/5/2004 c25 ohmygoshithurts
OMG! UR STORY IS SO GOOD! I LOVED IT! I DIDNT CHECK YET BUT HOPEFULLY U HAVE OTHER STORIES ON THIS SITE? GOSH I TRY WRITTING A LOVE STORY BUT I CANT MAKE ENDS MEET =[ OH WELL! I LOVE THIS STORY! HEHE . UR A REALLY GOOD WRITTER :D I HOPE TO SEE MORE WORK FROM YOU!
OMG! UR STORY IS SO GOOD! I LOVED IT! I DIDNT CHECK YET BUT HOPEFULLY U HAVE OTHER STORIES ON THIS SITE? GOSH I TRY WRITTING A LOVE STORY BUT I CANT MAKE ENDS MEET =[ OH WELL! I LOVE THIS STORY! HEHE . UR A REALLY GOOD WRITTER :D I HOPE TO SEE MORE WORK FROM YOU!
6/4/2004 c25 29hasseena
Wow you are a gorgeous writer.
I love you and your story both.
This is soo nice.
Yeah I would have loved them to end together but anyways this is your story!
29hasseenaWow you are a gorgeous writer.
I love you and your story both.
This is soo nice.
Yeah I would have loved them to end together but anyways this is your story!
6/4/2004 c25 1KristiexxNguyen
so sad... o well, happiness doesnt last forever... love the fic! write more!
1KristiexxNguyenso sad... o well, happiness doesnt last forever... love the fic! write more!
6/1/2004 c24 Shyann
P.S. If you don't write a sequil i will!
P.P.S. I had to review on another chapter cause the fictionpress.com won't let you review more than once per chapter.
P.S. If you don't write a sequil i will!
P.P.S. I had to review on another chapter cause the fictionpress.com won't let you review more than once per chapter.