for To Breathe Those Words8/26/2005 c1 
35Krikoris
I know you wrote this a long time ago, but this reminded me so much of how I feel with my boyfriend. Long distance relationships are a bitch, and somehow I related to this in more ways than one. I love you, really I do.
35KrikorisI know you wrote this a long time ago, but this reminded me so much of how I feel with my boyfriend. Long distance relationships are a bitch, and somehow I related to this in more ways than one. I love you, really I do.
2/17/2005 c1 16Wing Chant
This is great and grand! ^_^ I can sense the pain inside your words! I love it! =D
16Wing ChantThis is great and grand! ^_^ I can sense the pain inside your words! I love it! =D
4/12/2004 c1 64not sure yet
you know what i think, i think that being the horrible romantic that i am that this is awesome, very simple yet extremely touching and very eloquently put, muchly love the sound and the raw emotion this piece seems to emit, muchly beautiful, awesome
64not sure yetyou know what i think, i think that being the horrible romantic that i am that this is awesome, very simple yet extremely touching and very eloquently put, muchly love the sound and the raw emotion this piece seems to emit, muchly beautiful, awesome
3/28/2004 c1 123breakdown in the waiting room
Beautifully painful. Do I sense a bit of Sylvia Plath inspiration here?
-Jessica
123breakdown in the waiting roomBeautifully painful. Do I sense a bit of Sylvia Plath inspiration here?
-Jessica
3/25/2004 c1 13ladymaverick
Hey =)
Well, first off, thanks for reviewing my story 'Waiting' - your comments were really heplful, and thanks for picking up on my spelling mistake, I probably wouldn't have noticed it otherwise! Lolz, anyways, about this poem, I like it! Some of it's really powerful, this part especially:
"How do I explain
That I’m not breathing
Just exchanging gases
With my surroundings
While pleading for a single kiss"
God, I know how that feels ^^. And I especially like the ending - 3 lines - priceless. My only suggestion is that this poem/song could've worked even better if it was shorter, capturing the bare essence. But perhaps music has something to do with it, eh?
Anyways, I'm off to read some more off your work, and in case you're interested, I've posted up some more stories =)
13ladymaverickHey =)
Well, first off, thanks for reviewing my story 'Waiting' - your comments were really heplful, and thanks for picking up on my spelling mistake, I probably wouldn't have noticed it otherwise! Lolz, anyways, about this poem, I like it! Some of it's really powerful, this part especially:
"How do I explain
That I’m not breathing
Just exchanging gases
With my surroundings
While pleading for a single kiss"
God, I know how that feels ^^. And I especially like the ending - 3 lines - priceless. My only suggestion is that this poem/song could've worked even better if it was shorter, capturing the bare essence. But perhaps music has something to do with it, eh?
Anyways, I'm off to read some more off your work, and in case you're interested, I've posted up some more stories =)
2/25/2004 c1 41Razor Sharp Kisses
Gah. I could tell it was more of a song right off. It's great nonetheless, as all of your works are. They bubble over with emotion. It's kinda sad/romantic.
"Wish I could tell you
How ugly I am
Even as I pretend
And lie to myself
That I am pretty in your eyes" _ This is really heartfelt and sincere; sad yet hopelessly romantic. Very well done. :)
41Razor Sharp KissesGah. I could tell it was more of a song right off. It's great nonetheless, as all of your works are. They bubble over with emotion. It's kinda sad/romantic.
"Wish I could tell you
How ugly I am
Even as I pretend
And lie to myself
That I am pretty in your eyes" _ This is really heartfelt and sincere; sad yet hopelessly romantic. Very well done. :)
2/14/2004 c1 H. M. Banson
MM, this was great. The repetiton really worked well for this piece. I enjoyed immensly. I also liked the summary of it... very clever!
"Wish I could tell you
How ugly I am
Even as I pretend
And lie to myself
That I am pretty in your eyes."
I think that was my favoirte part there... very meaningful, very well done. The whole thing was, really.
Hmm... now I have to go read some more of your work, cause I liked this poem so much! Amazing job!
Always,
~Hollie Marie.
MM, this was great. The repetiton really worked well for this piece. I enjoyed immensly. I also liked the summary of it... very clever!
"Wish I could tell you
How ugly I am
Even as I pretend
And lie to myself
That I am pretty in your eyes."
I think that was my favoirte part there... very meaningful, very well done. The whole thing was, really.
Hmm... now I have to go read some more of your work, cause I liked this poem so much! Amazing job!
Always,
~Hollie Marie.
2/9/2004 c1 13Lil Lalita
Wow! I really got into this one. I especially liked the lines where you talked about "I never know how to start/To tell you how I'm falling apart." Not only that, but the poem itself was powerful and just pulled me along. Your choice of words was excellent. I think that even someone who's never gone through something like this can empathize. The flow was nice too, with an interesting rhythm. Awesome write! Keep up the good stuff!
~Lil Lalita
13Lil LalitaWow! I really got into this one. I especially liked the lines where you talked about "I never know how to start/To tell you how I'm falling apart." Not only that, but the poem itself was powerful and just pulled me along. Your choice of words was excellent. I think that even someone who's never gone through something like this can empathize. The flow was nice too, with an interesting rhythm. Awesome write! Keep up the good stuff!
~Lil Lalita
2/4/2004 c1 14Dirty Wallpaper
aww *sobs* this was beautiful, this wasnt simple at all, it was laced with the most strongest of emotions, the most potent of truth...it really was wonderful. i especially liked the note at the bottom, it was beyond sweet. this song would be great accomanied with a piano, it would just be so soulful and angsty...*sigh* my kidna stuff indeed.
it tended to progressively get better and better throught the lyrics, the verses getting stronger, becoming more compact with amazing images, concepts, ideas and overall heart shattering phrases. by fav bits would have to have been...
"How do I explain
That I’m not breathing
Just exchanging gases
With my surroundings
While pleading for a single kiss
(I miss you so and my blood is running low)" that whole bit was like having ice cold water thrown over me in siberia, it was so stunning, so original, so...sad...just a great great piece of work.
great great great work, i really liked, kudos!
P:S - thanks muchly for the review, i checked you out and read your profile *to refresh my memory* and i do remember you, you are a very memorable poet ;) and i saw you were thinking about giving up on fictionpress? dont do that chica! i do know how you feel though, life gets like that sometimes...fictionpress is always a nice place to fall back on though. take care ^^
14Dirty Wallpaperaww *sobs* this was beautiful, this wasnt simple at all, it was laced with the most strongest of emotions, the most potent of truth...it really was wonderful. i especially liked the note at the bottom, it was beyond sweet. this song would be great accomanied with a piano, it would just be so soulful and angsty...*sigh* my kidna stuff indeed.
it tended to progressively get better and better throught the lyrics, the verses getting stronger, becoming more compact with amazing images, concepts, ideas and overall heart shattering phrases. by fav bits would have to have been...
"How do I explain
That I’m not breathing
Just exchanging gases
With my surroundings
While pleading for a single kiss
(I miss you so and my blood is running low)" that whole bit was like having ice cold water thrown over me in siberia, it was so stunning, so original, so...sad...just a great great piece of work.
great great great work, i really liked, kudos!
P:S - thanks muchly for the review, i checked you out and read your profile *to refresh my memory* and i do remember you, you are a very memorable poet ;) and i saw you were thinking about giving up on fictionpress? dont do that chica! i do know how you feel though, life gets like that sometimes...fictionpress is always a nice place to fall back on though. take care ^^
2/4/2004 c1 3Prowling Muse
Oh my. You really are horrid! ^_^ But only on a few points. A lot of this sounded natural... those would be the lines I liked reading. The ones that sounded forced and cliche-ish weren't so great.
Welcome back to FP.
3Prowling MuseOh my. You really are horrid! ^_^ But only on a few points. A lot of this sounded natural... those would be the lines I liked reading. The ones that sounded forced and cliche-ish weren't so great.
Welcome back to FP.
2/2/2004 c1 80Plato's Optic Runaway
Yes, this would be better with music. But nonetheless, I'm fond of it. Perhaps that's due to the fact that I relate too well than can be healthy. Actually, I almost could have written this, but...Oh well. I like how you repeat that one stanza, and I especially liked the line
"That I’m not breathing
Just exchanging gases." That placed a large impact on me. I also like how you arrange your rhyming in this piece. And hey, thanks for bothering to review me. I wouldn't have. Yeah, sorry about that clandestine pseudonymous altercation; it was not meant to confuse you. Neither was my poem, but, hey, I've found I struggle with clarity in all things.
80Plato's Optic RunawayYes, this would be better with music. But nonetheless, I'm fond of it. Perhaps that's due to the fact that I relate too well than can be healthy. Actually, I almost could have written this, but...Oh well. I like how you repeat that one stanza, and I especially liked the line
"That I’m not breathing
Just exchanging gases." That placed a large impact on me. I also like how you arrange your rhyming in this piece. And hey, thanks for bothering to review me. I wouldn't have. Yeah, sorry about that clandestine pseudonymous altercation; it was not meant to confuse you. Neither was my poem, but, hey, I've found I struggle with clarity in all things.
1/31/2004 c1 47i was a postcard
"How do I explain
That I’m not breathing
Just exchanging gases
With my surroundings"
I don't know why, but that part hit me hard. This poem has so much emotion in it...as poems should. I enjoyed reading it. Now I'm off to see what else of yours seems interesting...=P
47i was a postcard"How do I explain
That I’m not breathing
Just exchanging gases
With my surroundings"
I don't know why, but that part hit me hard. This poem has so much emotion in it...as poems should. I enjoyed reading it. Now I'm off to see what else of yours seems interesting...=P
1/31/2004 c1 69the cereal killer
I LOVE THE 'I MISS YOU' THING.
(:
I can't rhyme. It's awfully difficult for me. So you've done well.
"I think I made you up inside my head"
Sylvia Plath, no?
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"
Mad Girl's Love Song.
69the cereal killerI LOVE THE 'I MISS YOU' THING.
(:
I can't rhyme. It's awfully difficult for me. So you've done well.
"I think I made you up inside my head"
Sylvia Plath, no?
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"
Mad Girl's Love Song.