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6/27/2004 c11 Bob'N'Cat
Eww...anywho, you did a good job on the last two chapters. Creepy stuff. That's good, though, cause most horror stories that I've read...just aren't that. If that makes sense. Nice work!
5/15/2004 c10 yourstepmom
I am going to wallpaper your new bedroom with pages from mail-order catalogues! heh-heh
I suggest that you refine Jackie's character. She is the first character that the reader is introduced to yet she comes across as contradictory. She, unlike Tanya, claims to be completely uninterested (bored) by the discussion of ghosts visiting her school. Yet we know that her primary interest in history is learning her own, immediate roots. This suggests to me, as a reader, that she should share Tanya's interest in researching the school's haunted history.
Your descriptive writing and vocabulary are both improving.
I think that you are onto something with the parallels you are drawing between hallucinations and pot smoking. Could this be an alternative theory to King's about the source of ghostly apparitions?
Finally, please take a cue from proper Victorian ladies: keep your ass free of shit, please!
Your anti-nicotine zombie stepmother
5/13/2004 c1 Jack the ripper scotland
Hey, you are pretty damn good. The first review I wrote was when I didnt know about different chapters. Kepp up the good work!
5/8/2004 c10 8Bleeding-Gemstone
Hey.. This was really good. The ending rocked some hard-ass socks. I started writing a story of my own.. And, the weird thing is.. the day after I started writing it.. I met this girl, that reminded me of the girl in the story so bad. It's crazy shit. When I finish the first chapter or so, I'll post it. Now, don't forget to keep writing!
4/9/2004 c9 Bob'N'Cat
That was awesome... I really love the way that you've written your story; it makes it exciting to read. And it's a really good horror story; it creeped me out slightly. Only one story has ever done that before, and that was two or three years ago.
4/7/2004 c9 26Endless Nightmares
Hello Morbid-
Hm...Very disturbing chapter. Poor ole Gregory.
4/7/2004 c3 Bob'N'Cat
This story is definetly worth reading. The description is great, the characters already have personalities; and so far, to be honest, I would like to see this as a movie! It's good enough to be one, but, hey, it's your story. This is good work, MorbidMan!
4/4/2004 c1 2Jack-The-Ripper-Scotland
I liked it, the thing that you cn change is to make it longer. I enjoyed it and would like to hear more!
3/12/2004 c8 26Endless Nightmares
Hmm-
Never saw Dreamcatcher but I have it here, and haven't seen it. Is it good?
But anyways, nice job of this chapter.
3/6/2004 c8 M. Deranged
*tries to unwrinkle forehead-confusion lines*
Interesting... But the last part was very confusing. Very very confusing. *scratches head* Was it some kind of dream or something? *is very confused* I'm tired, but I don't think that's it. So what happened in the last part of the chapter? It kinda skipped around and I'm not really sure what all went down.
AnyHoo *grin* Seathea many R's away!
~MouSee~
2/28/2004 c7 Endless Nightmares
Morbid-
I liked the chapter. Nicely done. More suspence the better. Nice job!
Whispers In Silence
2/26/2004 c7 M. Deranged
Hey, I liked the sword thing. I'm assuming you know all this from experiance? *grin* Swords are so much fun! *nods sagely*
So, how many people total have died at this school? And are the deaths being covered up or something? I would assume so. Righto Cap'n?
Gotta goat
~MouSee~
2/21/2004 c6 Endless Nightmares
Wow-
Liked this chapter, yet I feel this example would help you.
When you said:
"NO, I WON’T LYLE. NOT UNTIL SHE’S DEAD ANYWAY. COME ON! HAVE SOME FUN WITH THAT KNIFE YOU JUST BOUGHT LAST WEEK. DRAGON SHAPED HANDLE, CURVED BLADE. HOW FUN WOULD IT BE TO SLASH THAT BITCH OPEN?"
I think you should have made each of those large letters in Italics. I think the stuff with all big letters should be in Italics.
So if you have large letter things like what you wrote above, I think all of those should be in Italics, and lower cased.
All in all, great job.
Whispers In Silence
2/19/2004 c6 90Identity
you know this is actually very very good. i don't really know what i was expecting. i love the way you write your stories. they're so interesting to read. you don't drag on the little details that don't matter and you don't randomly say things. its very well put together. now i'm definitely going to read your other stories. great job agin.
2/19/2004 c6 M. Deranged
He killed her? *silence* Uhm, why'd he do dat?
And what's this ghost's agenda? Why's he want them dead?
You described it well, the whole killing thing. Too well, for those of us with overactive imaginations. *smacks forehead against deask* Ok, I feel better now.
Oh! I know it's written for a bit of a younger crowd, and reads slightly like a movie... Your story reminds me of a book. Ever read it? It's called "The Hangman's Curse" by Frank Peretti. Abel Frye and the spidees! Slightly similar to this, but not really.
Owell, that's my ramble for today.
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