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6/14/2006 c11 Frank the Turkey
AWESOME! This story is really good. I think that you really should get around to updating it. Questions-where did the library come from? If libraries are widespread, why didn't Nera go to one earlier? And if not, how did she recognize it as a library or know what a library was? It just doesn't make sense!
10/7/2005 c11 AsA
Hola. . . it's me. . . Um. . . How long has it been? heh heh heh. Sorry.

ANYWAY! The story's going well. . . and a library! That's good!

::is frantically trying to make up for it. . .::
9/11/2005 c11 1Clodhopper
heh...you did send her to the library eventually, didnt you? This was a short chapter, very very short, but pretty good. Fountain of the gods seems like an interesting addition to whats goin' down. kudos

9/11/2005 c10 Clodhopper
The dream was very interesting - again, where did it come from? The bar is always the best place for info, in fants it tends to be a bar or a brothel.

9/11/2005 c9 Clodhopper
yeah the fight scene was too fast, but with some extra descriptions (hint hint) it could be very good. So she killed a man, a sign of darkness creeping out in her?

9/11/2005 c8 Clodhopper
Oh yeah she really liked fights at her old home, its nice that you tied in her old hobby with this future chapter thing. Thats very good

9/11/2005 c7 Clodhopper
Thieves are rarely brave, something tells me very few have qualms about stealing from a sleeping girl. Some of the beautiful details that were earlier in your story seem to be fading out, which makes me a little sad. Careful not to slack too much with the descriptions

9/11/2005 c6 Clodhopper
She does sleep an awful lot. So about the demon king fellow...he wanted her to have the firestone so she would be subdued but she ended up being stronger than the stone itself? Is that what I'm getting? Wasnt she not supposed to use it to her own will? On occasion things move a little bit too fast and get merky. be careful of that

9/11/2005 c5 Clodhopper
whop, shoulda listened to the voice. Tsk tsk. It didnt take her very long to get to said stone, I was hoping for...I guess, more. The voice is very omnious - I shall see where this all goes...

9/11/2005 c4 Clodhopper
hmm she seems to be in a vast amount of trouble. Obviously this is the hero's journy formatting, very popular amongst fantasies might I add, but I wonder if she's gonna meet any friends/helpers along the way as it is want for hero's journy to do? Again, some extra details might have been nice...it was very interesting, for example, that she is dreaming when she's never drempt before. Is there a reason for either of those things? Also, instead of explaining it through dialogue, maybe have her mumble something but then deticate a paragraph or two to WHY it's so strange that she's now dreaming. Thats just an idea, of course, please feel free to disregard it

9/11/2005 c3 Clodhopper
ah some action. It flew by kind of fast, but other than that...very good. Some editing mistakes " so dark?, she wondered" no comma after the question mark. Also, God - if there is only one, should be lowercase and you need a comma. "Oh, God."

9/11/2005 c2 Clodhopper
Oh but pride is a dangerous thing. She should be careful about being big headed. And already this firestone is messing with her mind. I sense bad things a-comin'. Numbers should be written out - eight instead of 8

9/11/2005 c1 Clodhopper
"Good luck, Nera." he said... You should have a comma after "Nera" because of that tag on "he said." I liked everything except for the second half was a bit rushed. She flipped out to easy and then was calmed too easy. It happened to fast. But the first part, how you described that she was plain but not plain at all, and how you explained what her job would be, that was very masterfully done!

3/15/2005 c9 4Queen of the Dragons
Awesome! ^_^ Could it be that the Firestone somehow became a part of her-that would be really cool! Nice work, keep it up.PS: I will try to edit my stories, but in some cases that means retyping them and i'm too lazy to do that right now. Maybe i'll get around to it by next month.
1/3/2005 c10 Rampant Reviewer
Uh boy. So the questions are: why's she getting these weird dreams? How did the stone reach her? What IS the stone? What happened to it?

I fully expect you to answer these questions. NOW! FASTER! *cracks her whip*
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