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for Legacy: Royal Family

3/31/2004 c6 8elfin
I can tell you're trying, if only by the length of what you've written so far, but I have to say it's lame. The problem is that there's no context. It's hard to work out what's happening, work out who's important in the story and who's important to the story, it's not clear what's going on and why. It's stilted, boring, and not particularly smooth. I'm sorry to be nasty, but it's how this story seems to me. I'd suggest revising the whole thing and making it clearer what's going on and what role each person plays, both in that fictional universe and in the story itself. (Not necessarily the same thing.) It helps if you give things perspective, references to compare it to Earth - some mention of resources available, some political structure visibly similar to something around today, that sort of thing. I'll leave you to think about it.

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