for The Quest6/30/2004 c2 
15Tempest Epilogue
Yay, interesting chapter.
It's sometimes a bit confusing though, with who's talking, so it might help to put each person's speech on a new line. :)
~ Hencellina
15Tempest EpilogueYay, interesting chapter.
It's sometimes a bit confusing though, with who's talking, so it might help to put each person's speech on a new line. :)
~ Hencellina
6/30/2004 c1 Tempest Epilogue
Ello Ren, tis Rethie.
An interesting beginning.
A couple things:
"I was nothing to them. Reeda my made..."
I think it might make sense if you started a new paragraph with the maid and the note under the door, because you're talking about something new and it would probably flow better that way.
The other thing: the end of the chapter doesn't really seem like the end of the chapter, if you know what I mean. Maybe try and use some of the next chapter and move it to this chapter, until you find a place that feels like the end of the chapter.
:) Me likes it, so far.
~ Hencellina
Ello Ren, tis Rethie.
An interesting beginning.
A couple things:
"I was nothing to them. Reeda my made..."
I think it might make sense if you started a new paragraph with the maid and the note under the door, because you're talking about something new and it would probably flow better that way.
The other thing: the end of the chapter doesn't really seem like the end of the chapter, if you know what I mean. Maybe try and use some of the next chapter and move it to this chapter, until you find a place that feels like the end of the chapter.
:) Me likes it, so far.
~ Hencellina
4/9/2004 c1 11Ranting Akumas
(on first chapter) Ooh, I love your character ^^. Your writing style fits the feeling of this book very very well. My only question is, would you mind lengthening the chapters a tad?
~Oni
11Ranting Akumas(on first chapter) Ooh, I love your character ^^. Your writing style fits the feeling of this book very very well. My only question is, would you mind lengthening the chapters a tad?
~Oni
3/16/2004 c6 Sandlover
Ah, so the adventure begins! I looked at your stories the other evening, but I was on the phone with my (weird) cousin and, although girls are supposed to have these amazing multitasking skills, I seem to have missed out on them (among other things)! So, here I am. Your story is really great, just the kind I enjoy reading, so update soon!
Ah, so the adventure begins! I looked at your stories the other evening, but I was on the phone with my (weird) cousin and, although girls are supposed to have these amazing multitasking skills, I seem to have missed out on them (among other things)! So, here I am. Your story is really great, just the kind I enjoy reading, so update soon!
2/29/2004 c1 19sigelger
This Brilliant i userly get really horrible stuff on my good stuff get a life houseflyofreason
19sigelgerThis Brilliant i userly get really horrible stuff on my good stuff get a life houseflyofreason
2/19/2004 c1 1Houseflyofreason
Your originality concerning this peice of narritive has greatly impressed me. I must admit that the idea of a princess who does not fit in the way everyone wants her to, and is more suited to impliments of war than sewing has real merit and value as well as a real bearing on how life really works.
Idiot.
1HouseflyofreasonYour originality concerning this peice of narritive has greatly impressed me. I must admit that the idea of a princess who does not fit in the way everyone wants her to, and is more suited to impliments of war than sewing has real merit and value as well as a real bearing on how life really works.
Idiot.
2/18/2004 c1 10Keeper-of-promises
Nice story...keep writing!U half egyptian? WOW I am an ARAB to and part Japanese (in my dreams)
10Keeper-of-promisesNice story...keep writing!U half egyptian? WOW I am an ARAB to and part Japanese (in my dreams)