3/21/2009 c13 8Seeker of Knowledge
did she faint from not eating or (since she said not again) is it something to do with her scars/head wound from being dropped off a cliff too many times?

they could take off her mask while she's asleep and the boys become disillusioned and go back to Talli's country to live out their lives trying to forget the hideousness of it

maybe you could introduce the half-ogre again.

instead of having yet another person crushing on her (because she was the only one to accept him for the way he is(apart form the faries))

maybe its an unrequited love that he's happy to remember sitting in his dank cave for the rest of his life instead of following her around like a lovesick puppy

or instead he could want her mask and (was her cloak long like a trenchcoat-style?) cloak so he could walk disguised into town without people trying to kill him

(...who lives in the towns if all the elves are enslaved and the goblins and ogres live in tribes in the forests?)

i think that the time Talli and Bryan(?) spent with Rukie's dad should be included when they force her to talk/listen to them, something along the lines of:



when they heard how her father treated her they were tempted to leave him for dead/ bash him up for emotionally hurting their poor Rukie (despite not knowing her until a couple of days (weeks for Talli?) ago)

however being to kind and knightly they decided to listen to his side of the story before dumping him in the first town they come across... which would explain how they go there

whats her fathers perspective on the slave camps? is her mother still alive and does he want to rescue her/ free the rest of the dark elves? if so is he all high and mighty and doesn't care about the rest of the elves (ie. dark elves top of the social chain) or want to abolish all slave camps and overthrow the ogres reign?

are the ogres just grunts and serve some other race- since you've made them out to be really stupid when chasing Rukie

have you planned out Rukie's heritage?

if theres a prophacy/legend about her

or merely an accident of birth

or she was planned to become a spy to other elf castes, etc.

i don't think a prophecy would work as they're (really really) cliche and overrated and noone seems to care about Rukie enough to give her one (but thats just my opinion and some people can actually make them work.) maybe instead it could be along the lines of a mastermind manipulator pulling the strings of her fathers life (two buffoons walk in and save him from slavery to do some heroic deed) and she just happened to get swept along

anyway there's just a couple of ideas,

i quite like this story and Rukie is a real piece of work (in the good sense ^.^) i hope you do decide to continue with this story as im really enjoying it :)

never stop writing

(^) Eleri (^

3/19/2006 c13 Mychael Lynne
Well my one friend got over writer's block by asking one disembodied voice what another disembodied voice would say...of course, the other disembodied voice was in her story and you don't have any disembodied voices...hmm...

I dunno, eat sugar. -shrugs- Helps me.

~Lightning Princess

9/10/2005 c12 1Clodhopper
this was a short chapter and not much happened in it - you could have combined it with the first one to make it a full chapter. Good luck writing

Mack

9/10/2005 c10 Clodhopper
Another cliffhanger, lots of fun. Seriously though i would add more descriptions and take these things slower so they aren't so entirely random.

Mack

9/10/2005 c8 Clodhopper
nice, cliffhangers are always fun. Good job. It will be interesting to get to know the father character, I hope you continue to have him in this story so we can get his side of the story about the whole abandoning his daughter. Did he have a good reason or was it actually for rep?

Mack

9/10/2005 c6 Clodhopper
For emphasis use itlaics not stars, stars are for in reviews etc, stories should be reserved for italics. I like the twig...

Mack

9/10/2005 c4 Clodhopper
okay you are like obsessed with pink unicorns, aren't you? seriously - heh. This chapter was a little more scatterbrained than the last one, and rather random. I like how the little kid keeps coming to her for a story, thats cute

Mack

9/10/2005 c2 Clodhopper
Pink unicorns...does she dislike the color pink? It really isn't that bad once ya get used to it. I would say try not to jump around so randomly because it gets confusing. Take time - You have a few interesting plot developments in here, but they're brushed over. Like her family, the mask (that i dont remember being mentioned in the prologue) etc. Also there were a few grammar errors - you can only have on punct mark at the end of the sentences and sometimes there were periods that should have been commas and lower case letters that shoulda been caps. I did like how the first flip ended, however, with the whole "Okay, where are my clothes?" that was PERFECT. very funny

Mack