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6/6/2004 c7 11CrazySexyCoolChic
Oh. My. God. Where was I the whole time you were writing this? Your style, your words... I love it, I love it all! Keep on writing loved one, can't wait til your next update.
5/24/2004 c6 145True Illusion
Oh wow, that's something alright. I really like the way that it doesn't come out and say "Sex with you is great". Haha, in fact it doesn't say it's about sex at all and it's not all lusty or sensual. I wouldn't have probably taken it for sex if I hadn't read the A/N and that's a good thing. It makes it seem like a much deeper, sweeter, more beautiful thing. Very nice. Not sensual per say, but the passion still comes through very strongly and deeply. The line "Memories of your veiled nirvana" is a great one, it makes you think a lot. Very beautiful piece. Keep up the great work, and thanks for the review, by the way.
5/7/2004 c6 Cursive and Print
awesome job. sex is a fact of love and it's great that you can write about it. i hate that people are so scared of it... it sucks because sex is something that happens. it can be good and it can be bad and you wrote about the good... do you think you would be able to write about the bad? the aftermath, the stuff you feel when it's over and you've got nothing to show for it except... the feelings you had? i couldn't. which is probably why shakespeare only wrote happy love sonnets. super job.
5/5/2004 c6 Avory
Thank you! You have touched the hopeless romantic within me. (I work in a bookstore, I swear if I see one more romance book, I'll puke! Never read them, never plan to. Especially with titles like "Is the Stick Pink...?")
~
Wonderful Pain - What can I say about this piece? Love is an oxymoron. A perfect blend of pain and pleasure. A great balancing act of all the exhilerating and detrimental emotions in the world. Your language is so beautiful. To sound corny, it tickles the cockles of my heart. My favorite lines are "the stagnant kisses of loneliness/Which often dance the winds of change," "To crochet ironies, to knit colorful Siberias," and "the plummeting of ones heart into oblivion." Absolutely gorgeous. This poem lifts me up, it brings me down, it stirs every facet of the emotion love produces. Positively lovely!
~
Disguise - I myself have never written a haiku. I've tried, but being a perfectionist, it was never up to my standards. (They died in a trash can and the funeral was located on Writer's Block.) Simple. Beautiful diction. "Sacred camouflage," "Ripple," "Protections lover." If I had more time, I'd delve on the meaning and theme and other such intellectual points. But for now, I'll settle for a simple BRAVURA!
~
Romancing Reality - As usual, beautiful, absolutely beautiful. One of the finest modern (I say modern simply because it was written in this day and age.) romance poems ever written and easily comparable with those of the Romantic Period: Shelly, Byron, Keats, Wordsworth, and Coleridge. I also admire your attemt at the sonnet. It turned out incredibly fluid with brilliant elocution. (Especially, "hearts soft surveillence," "spiral my mind to nirvana," "trespass on fantasy," "essential clarity," and of course those last two lines, "But the simple awareness your kiss inflicted, always was my simple verification/Heaven and earth really were intwined, my sadness' single consolation.") Marvelous!
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Bittersweet Package - I remember when I was little, or younger (which ever came first), I'd look up at the stars, pick one out, and wish on it, hoping that THAT one will be my lucky star and bring my soulmate into my life. This poem brings me back to that moment. The dreadful wait. The longing. The yearning for someone to love me. Unfortunately, your poem's persona has yet to get "lucky." I, however, am fortunate to have met my soulmate. I love this poem though. It is tactfully beautiful. Reminiscent of the painful wait but lurking on the edge of discovery.
~
Beauty - Ah, the universal theme that love is blind. But, with love, that is really the only way one can truly see the beauty in this world. I love this poem's message. I love that there is no rhyme scheme. Sometimes, love cannot be restrained or constrained within the limitations of rhyme. I must say that even though this was not done entirely in iambic pentameter, there was still a lovely undercurrent of rhythm - like a heartbeat. Very effective.
~
Breathing in Beauty - Though this is sappy, it truly captures the overpowering, awe-inspiring, trance-inducing effect of love. God, "fire inducing touch" hit me like I had just run into a wall. I miss that feeling. My fiance is in TX, I am unfortunately in GA. So, another line that really got to me was "I'm reborn to memories/Memories of your veiled nirvana." As always, beautiful work.
~
Now I must close what must be a VERY long review. I love the recurring motif of Nirvana used throughout this series. I think Nirvana is such a beautiful, heartfelt word. Today, Heaven is so cliche. And Nirvana flows so much nicer than Heaven does. So, I extend kudos to you for using one of my favorite Heaven synonyms.
~
You are an incredible poet. Keep up the good work~
5/4/2004 c6 8glitterjewele
hi ok so my internet has been doing this creepy stupid thing since monday where it only lets me on for a minute or two and then SNAP the bloody computer shuts off (i have a bastard virus GRR) and i haven't had instructions to fix it yet which is why i haven't reviewed, so sorry! i only have a few seconds to review this before everything dies again, so sorry for the rushedness! i LOVE it. it's one of my favorite chapters so far, *sigh* yeah hopeless romantics addicted to romance novels ~ hey, who can blame us, hm? HM? :P wow, chica, i really don't know how to describe how absolutely wonderful this is, the sappiness doesn't really come across that way, actually, it's more like a destined soul mate kinda thing, especially at the end of the first stanza the part that goes "it seems i could never bask in a more wonderful state, a fragment of time as beautiful, with you in my arms, the heavens in your eyes" ~ just so sigh-inducing, hehe. great variation of style at the end to, wrapped things up beautifully. alright, i only have like ten seconds left so i gotta wrap up but I LOVE IT! FANTABULOUS JOB! WRITE ANOTHER PRONTO! ! ! KUDOS CHICA! ;D
5/1/2004 c6 artemis astralstar
aw. That is so sweet, but i think that it could have been deeper. But, i'm all for angsty love, so this saccarine isn't one of my favourite forms of expression. *sighs* you write it well though. I would have simply left the first bit alone, and not the second, but either way, it simply oozes lovey-lovey ness.
~
Favourite line... the one about reason, and moments. *time-whore*
nice work, of not one of my favourite themes.
5/1/2004 c6 acccountkiller
Now chica I am seriously pissed off..whats all this bullshit about sappiness...this poem is a good as it can get and it is perfect! I love it...amazing..and I do think love is a glorious beautiful thing just as you've portrayed it there and stop saying your poems are sappy just so i feel opbliged to point out they are hella not OK? Cos this is mind-blowing and perfect and amazing and I adore it..humph! Lol, btw the use of the word Nirvana is genius.. lol. Much love and lufians, Mia
4/19/2004 c1 21Active Prophet
I think my brother would appreciate your critiscism but considering that he was a member of this site for a while and that he has recently passed away by his own hand i do not really approve of what you have to say im posting these final poems ive found from him and if you'd please not ruin what little tattered memories of him that remain in these words please dont critize the dead
4/16/2004 c5 Cursive and Print
great job! i'm sorry it's taken me so long to review... i've been kinda busy lately. this was beautiful... wonderful. you must be in love to write such wonderful love poems. anyways, this was great. i like to think that you could live off of love. it's to bad you can't, huh? life's funny that way... you feel like love's the only thing you'll ever need and then *bam!* it hits you. you can't live without more than that. but, hell, it's a great feeling. you are amazing for being able to write about love the way you do! super job!
4/14/2004 c5 8glitterjewele
hey, nice addition! it's very interesting, this one, it kind of breaks the style of the previous ones (well, at least the first stanza does), which is always REALLY cool and fun and exciting, etc. good quote, too; i had to read it like three times, but it's finally sunk in, lol *knocks self upside the head* must . . . dislodge . . . stupidity. *sigh* it's a hopeless cause. ;P anyhoozles, the colloquial language in the first part is great. it sort of brings love down to a realistic level, something you don't get to see very much, in poetry. also, it makes for a nice juxtaposition/contrast with the more elevated and embellished second part. i must say, i absolutely adore the ending, "lives for/breathes for/loves for" ~ definite heart-fluttery value there, chica. ;) excellent work! i shall look forward to part six! kudos! :D
4/13/2004 c5 53Artemis Astralstar
It is an extremely difficult one to do; the first step is keeping to 10 sylabbles. not that it really really matters. (@.~)
this si beautiful, and now this is officially on my favourites list. gorgeous imagery, and i love the quotes you choose to work with.
4/12/2004 c5 not sure yet
o, muchly fascinating and well written yet again, prettily done
4/12/2004 c5 acccountkiller
Heya chica! Many lufians to you! I loved this..even though until you told me I had no idea what an iambic pentameter was... This is..beautiful :D. Your vocabulary is stunning, and thew imagery dazzling..I love it...it's..it's got a magical touch to it, and you glorify all sorts of love! It's magnificent! Love, Mia
4/6/2004 c4 64not sure yet
wow, now that was a hard ending...love that, very effective..hard? i dont even know what i mean, but yea, a very emotional poem and well written, excellent job
4/6/2004 c3 not sure yet
wow, now that's extremely skillful, a sonnet! i cant write those for the life of me and you did an incredible job, esp for a first time, a very pretty one though and i love the idea, excellent language, awesome job
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